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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist he smokes outside even though its freezing

94 replies

Tiddlystinks · 02/02/2012 15:26

Need some perspecutive as maybe I am overreacting. But DH normally smokes outside our house as I insist DD (1) should not be subjected to his fumes.

I don't like it and I think he stinks and don't always like him holding her beacause of fumes on his clothes. Though now as its very cold he smoked out the window in the kitchen after DD went to bed last night. I went postal but he said I was being a drama queen.

I don't think I am but it's hard to know. AIBU to lose my temper over this?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/02/2012 15:28

No one smokes in my house with DD except stupid FIL who was told and smoked indoors anyway. Maybe the cold will encourage him to give up Grin

StealthPenguin · 02/02/2012 15:30

YANBU - aside from the fact that it's a filthy, disgusting habit that makes everything within a 100m radius stink like something's died, it's dangerous for your LO to be in the same house as cigarette smoke. It can increase her risk of asthma and affect her in all kinds of ways.

I'm very much against smoking, and I hate myself because I'm a former smoker. I started young and then quit 2 years ago. It's disgusting and I still have a terrible cough throughout the winter because of it.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/02/2012 15:30

YANBU - if he's cold then tough shit!! Might encourage him to smoke less.

I accept that its a free world but smoking is a disgusting smelly habit that he shouldnt inflict on you and your DD...news flash......smoking out a window doesnt work, the wind will blow it back in!

ProfCoxWouldGetIt · 02/02/2012 15:31

Not U at all, I was told that the chemicals you inhale when smoking are exhaled over the next hour, when DP was still smoking I wouldn't let him hold DD for a whole hour after he had his smoke.

No one smokes in our house, it makes everything stink, and I'm an ex smoker and have always hated people who smoke indoors.

Original poster
Tiddlystinks · 02/02/2012 15:33

I know- I could still smell it this morning.
I emailed him some websites that talk about the dangers of a smoking parent even if theyre not in the house but he goes by the logic that they all grew up in a chain smoking house and none of them were harmed. He'll probably just get v defensive.

Hello! He's an addict. The cold won't make him quit, pneumonia didn't.

OP posts:
Peekabooooo · 02/02/2012 15:33

YANBU! Just tell him to wrap up in a few more layers.

mrspear · 02/02/2012 15:34

No one smokes in our house because DS, this has caused huge problems with DH'S family as they come from a pro smoking country and they simply refuse to accept that it can harm anyone Confused anyway back to OP get him to watch this old ad and read this RCP

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/02/2012 15:34

They werent harmed...yet!!

My mum, a lifelong non smoker died of lung cancer. My dad feels dreadfully guilty that when us kids were younger he smoked pipes and cigars, in the house, the lounge was a fog of smoke!!! He now wonders whether that contributed to her problems, we'll never know but in his mind he thinks it did!

suburbophobe · 02/02/2012 15:36

Personally I think a lot more harm is done by polluting cars, but there you go.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/02/2012 15:37

YANBU but then I would say that because I too make my other half go outside to smoke. Unlike your DH, he wouldn't even bother attempting to smoke out the window! He knows either me or our DD (4) will give him a bollocking!

IMO if it's that important he smokes (although I'm sure you wish your DH would give up- I wish my DP would quit) he can bugger off outside, no matter what the weather is like!

Showmethemhappyfeet · 02/02/2012 15:38

Definitely not bu! I won't have anyone smoke in my house wether they live here of not. If he hates going out in the cold do much he should quit!

Peekabooooo · 02/02/2012 15:38

he goes by the logic that they all grew up in a chain smoking house and none of them were harmed.
Him growing up in that environment is probably the reason he ended up being addicted to smoking himself. So IMO it has done him some harm.

tanfastic · 02/02/2012 15:40

My dh smokes ( or rather did, on third week of giving up). If he did that I wouldn't be happy. I'd be insisting he stands outside in the garden rain or fucking shine!

porcamiseria · 02/02/2012 15:41

yanbu

we all smoke in garden to!!!! not in house, yukky

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/02/2012 15:41

"Personally I think a lot more harm is done by polluting cars, but there you go."

True, polluting cars are damaging to your health, but I don't know about others, but I don't tend to stick my children by car exhausts to breathe in the toxic fumes...

ElizabethPonsonby · 02/02/2012 15:44

Garden here too, if it's raining you sit in the garage or wendy house...if it's cold, you get cold!

mojitomania · 02/02/2012 15:46

Presumably you met him when he was a smoker OP?

mojitomania · 02/02/2012 15:46

Don't understand why avid non smokers hitch up with smokers then beast them about it.

Original poster
Tiddlystinks · 02/02/2012 15:49

Thank you.
If he had his way he'd be on the armchair with an ashtray beside him. I agree that he's addicted because his folks were addicted. I'll kick him into Siberia tonight if he even attempts it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/02/2012 15:49

YABU.. to be honest, if he is leaning out of the window smoking, then he is likely to have less smoke on his clothes and so long as the smoke isnt blowing back indoors, then I dont see the difference to him being outside.

You could always suggest he buy a patio heater though.

I dont buy into the smoke on clothes argument anyway to be honest, and think that is a load of bull.. it doesnt smell great, but harmful? nah.

Fritillaria · 02/02/2012 15:49

Definitely the garden. I'd not want him to pick her up for an hour too due to breathing out fumes afterwards.

CrunchyFrog · 02/02/2012 15:50

I smoke, and I always always smoke outside, even when the kids aren't here. A couple of times I had friends over when the kids were at their dad's, we smoked inside and it stank for DAYS. Plus, I smoked a lot more than usual!

He is being U, nobody should smoke near children.

Original poster
Tiddlystinks · 02/02/2012 15:51

Thinks Squeaky and mojito are those mums I see with a fag dangling out of their mouth as they hold baby.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/02/2012 15:51

I don't "beast" my DP about smoking, he's been smoking for 20 years and I met him 7 years ago. He used to smoke in the house, was never a problem for me. We both agreed the house was a non smoking house from the second the pee dried on the first positive pregnancy test. Was never made into a big deal for us, although he does moan when it's freezing that he doesn't want to smoke outside.

Shutupanddrive · 02/02/2012 15:54

YANBU, he might as well smoke in the house than out of the window. It all blows back in anyway. What next? It's raining? Too windy?