To insist he smokes outside even though its freezing

[Tiddlystinks]

Need some perspecutive as maybe I am overreacting. But DH normally smokes outside our house as I insist DD (1) should not be subjected to his fumes.

I don't like it and I think he stinks and don't always like him holding her beacause of fumes on his clothes. Though now as its very cold he smoked out the window in the kitchen after DD went to bed last night. I went postal but he said I was being a drama queen.

I don't think I am but it's hard to know. AIBU to lose my temper over this?

Thinks Squeaky and mojito are those mums I see with a fag dangling out of their mouth as they hold baby

Now now Tiddly

Mojito thinks tiddly is a self-righteous nutcase.

No one is allowed to smoke in our house despite us both smoking, so no YANBU

I've actually gone one step further to insisting that DD never even finds out that DH smokes. She's only two at the moment but he always goes down to the end of the garden to smoke and always has a wash, cleans his teeth and changes his clothes when he comes back in. He only smokes at home when DD has gone to bed aswell.

I just think that DC are so impressionable, I don't want her ever to think that because Daddy smokes, it must be OK. Because it isn't.

In his defence, DH has never ever put up any argument.

I'm hoping that by the time she starts to notice a slightly different 'smell' on DH, that he may quit!

I personally wouldn't go out with someone that I thought stank.

even before having Children i didn't smoke in the house, it makes the house stink

I hate the spurious "car fumes are worse" non-argument. So is hitting them with a hammer, and equally irrelevant.

Squeaky the bad smell is your nose telling you it's harmful! And I'm reasonably sure there was a recent study proving smoke clinging to clothes furniture etc was harmful.

Well, even if the smell isnt harmful, it is offensive coz it stinks!

My DM and some of our friends do this, only instead of out the window, they stand by the open door letting all the freezing cold air in. When I shout 'SHUT THE DOOR' they tut and giggle to each other, because I'm being an old nag! Even when they 'get' that it's cold so they put their coats on and step outside, they leave the door ajar so to have a little warmth from the house!
Drives. Me. Mad.

Mojito thinks tiddly is a self-righteous nutcase.

Tiddly thinks Mojita also wears velour tracksuits with ass slogans and uses baby bottle as ashtray :o

It's a shameful thing, but I actually love the smell of smoke on people.

Don't like it on my soft furnishings when the kids are about, but it is a smell I like.

YANBU. And here is some research to back you up.

Quote from the conclusion of the full text: "smoking outdoors with the door closed is a meaningful way of ETS [environmental tobacco smoke] protection, whereas other precautions indoors have little or no effect. Whether outdoor smoking is as good as nonsmoking remains to be shown." They found that smoking at an open door was less effective than going outside.

YANBU Dh smokes at an open door as a compromise in winter but i'd prefer it if he just went outside. Apart from the obvious health risks it's also bloody freezing inside with the door open!

Outside definitely, I went out in the garden for my nightly roll up last night and gave up half way through because it was so bloody cold

Stop giving me excellent ideas Tiddly.

Sorry to piss on your parade but I don't smoke

Once the baby is in bed I think in the house and out the window is fine.

I'd be most immediately concerned about his attitude - that he can change the rules of an agreement when he feels like it, then get angry when you notice, rather than discussing his desire to change it with you and making a calm, persuasive case.

Personally I find partners who act like children, as if their partner is their mother, who sets rules they can resent or rebel against, insufferable.

You've agreed he won't smoke in the house to protect your child haven't you? If he doesn't agree with this and really wants to smoke in the house he needs to have a good look at the evidence, present this in a balanced way, then make his case. The onus is definitely on him to present a convincing case, in the teeth of widely available advice. I'm afraid crap like 'it never did us any harm (yet)' just suggests he's a bit thick and couldn't spot a balanced, well supported argument if it bit him.

I don't allow smoking in my house, and i'm an ex smoker. i've also managed to get DH to give up, by pointing out the health implications on our child (unborn!!!!) and subtly mentioning that the decision to have a child was made by both of us, but as yet, its only my lifestyle that has changed, therefore i'm really not asking very much. have also pointed out that it's not recommended for a baby to be in bed with a parent that smokes, and as i intend to breast feed if DH does fall off the wagon, he will find himself on the sofa!
as far as the 'smoke on clothes harmful' argument goes, i don't care weather they have proved it or not-just the possibility of it being harmful to my DC will prevent me from ever lighting up again!!!

He's being a wimp. Winters are harsh where I live, temperatures are regularly -10c or worse. -5 is positively tropical. I know it is all relative, but he needs to get over it and dress appropriately if he wishes to smoke. I've recently given up, and DP is a smoker too - we've always smoked outside (even in snowstorms and temps of -25c) with the door shut etc, because neither of us like a smoke smelling house.

Agreed that it has not done any harm to him health wise yet.....BUT....he is a smoker, and I'm a firm believer that if you see important adults in your life smoking, it won't be long before you take it up. My mother smoked on and off throughout our childhood (usually always outdoors) and I was really anti -smoking as a kid. I used to rip up her packets, put no-smoking signs on the doors, badger her to give up etc. Then something in my brain kind of switched off to all that as a teenager and I experimented with it. I'm not saying all kids of smoking parents will turn out to be smokers, but there are an awful lot who do.

OP if you think you're bad you're nothing compared to me. Neither of us smoke, but a friend of himself's came to visit a few years ago. When I discovered she was a smoker not only did I ban her from smoking in the house, I also banned her from smoking in the back garden as that's where the animals are and I didn't want them eating the ash! She didn't seem to mind at all (thank goodness!).

Now sure what I'd say now, tho', as we have a cat who goes in the front garden too. I can see myself giving someone a saucer and telling them to go and stand far, far away!

Dh always smokes outside. Even now that it's bitterly cold. He hates smoking inside. Been together 14 years now and he's always been like this - even before kids. He says it smells vile and I must say I agree with him (I don't smoke - never have).

YANBU If he wants to smoke then of course that is his choice but you should have the choice to live in a smoke free house. Totally selfish behaviour IMO.

My elderly father does this - smokes in the kitchen doorway, he lives in a privately rented no smoking apartment so l put a bench outside for him for finer weather and there is a porch for when it's raining for him to stand in albeit with an open front but at least keeps him dry and gives some shelter from the wind.

But will he stand outside the door in the porch and shut the door behind him ? - oh no - his policy is apparently he's got to freeze so will make damn well sure everybody else does .

Sorry but selfish in the extreme imo are smokers who insist on smoking in an open doorway or window - l mean do you really think that the rest of us want to sit in an icy draft while you have your fag not to mention all the heat escaping. Also do you honestly think you are going to be any warmer standing in an open doorway or window than actually being outside so you might as well just go outside then it's just the smoker feeling the cold and the rest of us can stay warm and cosy thank you very much.

Go outside - go on - that extra couple of feet - and shut the bloody door.

..and breathe.

CrunchyFrog I wouldn't admit it in RL... but I really like the smell of beer and cigarettes on a man .

I don't like smoking though and wouldn't have anyone smoke in the house. Or in the house if they even smell of smoke.

Fortunately, none of the people we know are daft enough to do it, so no problems there!

I sympathise. DH smokes and always goes outside to smoke but if he wanted a quick fag leaning out of the window in this weather I'd not object.

YANBU, and I'm a smoker. I go out into the back garden and shut the door to smoke. If it's too cold for me out there I won't smoke.