To hate Emma's Diary

[Garliccheesechips]

It's SO BLOODY INSIPID

I thought I hated Emma until I read that Nick and his colleagues call themselves the A team.
Now I hate them both.

Smug idiots. I bet Emma is one of those women who went salsa dancing in the late 90s. And drank Cosmos because of the SATC girls.

wk19-20 Baby wriggling like mad now. twirling inside me like a little spaceman. I've started being sick again. I'm really looking pregnant now.
Can't lie on my tum any more. Baby won't let me. Guess I'm following in the family tradition with 'stroppy baby'! Got another scan next week. hope to find out if baby is a boy or girl

wk21-22 Had the scan. Baby is fine, perfect, healthy and A BOY! X is thrilled. My happiness is primarily cos baby is healthy. Our son (wow!) is bigger than average with a 21 week head and a 23 week tummy! He fidgets constantly and I don't get any peace. Shape of things to come. We're going to call him X Adam. This is THE BEST!
wk23-24 Pretty quiet time. X seems to be sleeping most of the time. I guess he's saving his energy too.

Spoke too soon! He has now decided to stay away all day. ALL DAY! and he hates Njate (the cat) sitting on me. He kicks until the cat is so uncomfy he shifts.
wk25-26 X is going to be a champion boxer judging by the job he's doing on my bladder! He plays now. He kicks when I talk to him. But when (husband) talks to him, or puts a hand on my tummy, X goes very still so (husband) hasn't actually felt him yet. I think he does it on purpose

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god. what a load of shitty drivel.

But I've started so I'll finish!

Nick was such a prat.

10 years ago I had the Miriam book and that was far shiter. Her Stirling advice for decorating the nursery was to ensure there was a wash basin. Er, why?

It's gripping Hecate, eagerly awaits next part......

Lebof

Not forgetting the ridiculous amount of phone calls from people on behalf of ' emmas diary ' trying to sell u everything from electricity to life insurance, call after call after call x

wk27-28 Saw the midwife, V nice lady. Everything quiet and peaceful and now I'm going on mat leave I'm feeling a lot better. Can't wait for X to be born!

wk29-30 got sent into hospital because my blood pressure went sky high and there was protein in my uring. I'm also very swollen. So they needed to watch out for pre eclampsia. I was bored to tears and very happy when I got out! Midwife gave me a rollocking for doing housework when she came to see me at home. The hospital told me I could do it! I wish they'd make up their minds!

wk31-32 Had a scan, X is head down - all ready for action! I'm seriously considering changing his name, either spelling X as (insert really ODD spelling beginning with a silent N ) or changing his middle name from Adam. After all, it has now been pointed out to me that his initials spell JAM. It's like giving other kids a stick to beat him with!

wk33-34 (husband) not too keen on a name change and I only have 6 weeks to work on him. X is getting very big and it's quite hard to get around. Can't WAIT. Had to go back into hospital. (husband) panicked cos I've got really bad pains. I felt a right prat!

wk35-36 These prarent craft classes are great! £50 for telling us everything we'd already read! X wants out - through my top, sides, bottom, etc! He is always thumping me! He also HATES the cat! Njata only has to make a noise mear me and X starts kicking as if to say don't you let him near me!

wk 37-38 I'M FED UP!
Why does baby not come? I can't move, can't sleep, no energy, I'm ANGRY, MEAN AND FED UP! What is he WAITING FOR? got another scan next week to maasure how much he weighs, maybe if I'm all pathetic they'll whip him out!

it is a big pile of shit, isn't it?

wk39-40
Still waiting. It looks like the have to induce me. I am so big now I can barely move. I can't wait for this to bree over - I WANT MY BABY!

Had an appt and another scan. They are going to induce X. YES! I go in on 12 may. The end is in sight.
Had another scan. It shows X has a hydrocele on his testes. It should go after birth

wk40-42
I went into hospital on 12th. Was induced by did not go into labour until 15th. My waters were broken at 8am and I was pushing by about 5-530. There were complications and X's shoulders got stuck. The doctor screamed for help and a siren went off.

The room filled with people pushing my hips apart and pulling X's head. The midwife got him out but he wasn't breathing . He was resusitated. We were so releived when he finally cried that we did too. (husband) fainted and I nearly needed a transfusion, blood was gushing out of me. X has erbs palsy and can't move his arm.He will need physio and maybe operations. THANK GOD OUR SON IS ALIVE.

the pregnancy pack was okish :)

You should start your own rival diary

Did x need operations? You can't stop there on that cliffhanger!

I hope that didn't sound insensitive, I know it's real I'm genuinely interested - tell me to fuck off if you need to

Oh sorry.

yes, he did. His arm was paralysed due to nerve damage when the doctor pulled his head while his shoulder was stuck.

I don't know what I was thinking with that diary tbh. What a load of wank.

I did not keep a diary second time round!

YANBU.

I loved that diary Hecate. Much better than Emmas.

Hope all is ok now.

Got a bit involved then god I can't wait for Neighbours to start again tomorrow maybe I should give this Emma's diary a try seeing as yours gripped me so much!

I've been meaning to start just this thread for a while! Emma is an utter berk and her diary is turd. And her friend Ranaa annoys the crap out of me. I was forced to actually refer to this for info on certain early stages of pregnancy before I'd got around to buying any proper books and every occasion triggered my morning sickness.

I 'liked' this TV cookery person on Facebook just before my morning sickness kicked in proper. I ended up making one of her dishes and I spent about four hours throwing up afterwards.

Every day she posted something on there. I had to delete her eventually because her name triggered a Pavlovian response of vomiting.

I have never even heard of it!

Am just pmsl so much!! :o

I remember Emmas diary so well from 15 years ago. From what I've read of your recent excerpts - she was distinctly more twee in my day!

I've always kept a diary, and in a fit of hormonal outrage, when I was pregnant, one of my diaries, I named " The alternative Emmas diary of a pregnancy - no free vouchers guaranteed"

I just went upstairs to look for it in my diary box under the bed..

here are a few excerpts from my diary at the time..

Fri 3rd jan 1997 - week 6, day 4 - "feel very low and tired - university exams overwhelming me, and dh spends all his time on call - nowt wrong as such - am just so knackered and terrifyingly obtuse. Today, I looked up 'emotional upheaval' in Emmas diary. The insipid little prig had experienced weeping over her husband - I looked for a similar description of how she wants to put her husbands scrotum through a cheesegrater, because the cupboard under the sink is flooded again, she has exams, he's never there, and it might be fun? - but I couldn't find it..."

Thurs 9 th Jan week 7 + 3.
"I looked up morning sickness in Emmas diary today. Oh dear - she felt sick in the morning for a wee while, poor little love, but dry toast helped. I am curently on a drip in hospital with hyperemesis, and feel like i'm dying - I haven;t kept anything down for days, and they think it might be twins..

I know - I was off my wee rocker at the time....

Was it twins....?!

Nah! just the one! :) They did a basic ward scan prior to a proper scan the next morning, and the junior doctor mistook the division of the yolk sac and the embryo for twins - or summat! - anyway, it looked like two on the scan, but it wasn't :o I was poo-ing meself!

I bet!

I remember searching ED in vain for "I want to smash my useless (STBX)H in the face for being a selfish useless wanker" and....nothing!

And she has one black friend and one poor friend!
And doesn't she call the baby Lucy Kate?

Or she did in my day. And the poor friend was called Kerry, and her hubby was a bit of a loser.

I had the mriram Stoppard book too. It had a section on maternity clothes, and how instead of buying expensive maternity clothes you could use your husbands waistcoat. And wear an apron to bathe baby.