Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider asking dh to leave after violent outburst?

86 replies

Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:15

Dh is usually very calm, quiet, mellow person. He has just completely flew off the handle and punch the wardrobe door so hard three times that it came off in from t of our dcs. Am in shock.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 12/10/2011 20:17

What was his provocation?

LingDiLong · 12/10/2011 20:17

Well if this was my DH it would be completely out of character so I'd want to know what on earth was going on with him to make him react that way. But if you don't feel safe, then yes, get him to leave. Hope you get it sorted.

ScaredBear · 12/10/2011 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 12/10/2011 20:18

Ok - well lots of people punch things to help them deal with feelings that they can't manage. It's a crappy thing to do in front of your kids because they will have been scared to death BUT it is a coping mechanism from your dh not automatically a step on the way to something else.

How is he now?

weevilswobble · 12/10/2011 20:19

We all have these moments dont we? What has he been bottling up? What happened prior to the outburst?

AgentZigzag · 12/10/2011 20:19

If my DH did that, and it'd be completely out of character, I'd be wanting to know WTF was going on and why.

I wouldn't be happy for it to be happening in front of the DCs (at all) but it depends on why he's doing it as to what I thought.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:21

We were arguing about nothing really. He is very apologetic and says it will never happen again. I'm not scared but is in the back of my mind that it could of been me he battered. He is not happy at work.

He has no where to go if I throw him out,

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/10/2011 20:24

My husband has occasionally punched the wall, and we have got through two coffee tables... but he has never so much as raised a hand to me in all the years we have been together.

AgentZigzag · 12/10/2011 20:25

If he's a lovely man and this is a one off, I think you may be being a bit harsh to want to punish him by throwing him out.

Aggressive and violent people are like that often, if he's not, that means his circumstances have provoked it rather than the type of person he is.

IMO.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:26

Ok Agent that's good. Been together 11 years, very odd.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 12/10/2011 20:26

It wouldn't be totally out of character for my dh or for me as he has a quick temper, as do I. Nothings ever got broken but one or two things have been dented and there was a bottle of fabric conditioner that got well and truly knackered when somebody chucked it. Honestly can't remember who it was. In one of the nicest sweetest (christian) couples I know a chinese dinner once flew across the room. It happens on occasion. There is in my opinion a massive gulf between this sort of violent reaction and violence towards a person. Why would you throw him out? He's behaved badly, he's sorry. Ok. He needs to manage his stress better and I would be very clear that he cannot ever scare the kids - or you like that again but then that's it. Move on.

If it happens again or escalates then you have to think again of course.

troisgarcons · 12/10/2011 20:26

Well, OP you arent very supportive are you?

Ok, he's a had a flash and decked a wardrobe. That doesnt mean he will ever hit you. If he was that way inclinded he woudl have belted YOU

Cassettetapeandpencil · 12/10/2011 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistress · 12/10/2011 20:27

Beating up an inanimate object is not ok of course but does not mean that he would extend that to beating a person. If you don't feel scared then I think throwing him out is disproportionate. He needs to deal with his stress better and pronto, it's a horrible reaction to have whatever is going on in his head.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:28

Trios um it's him whose behaved badly not me. Just asking for some advice.

OP posts:
Kayano · 12/10/2011 20:29

My DH punched a hole in the door once.

Blush

I was so shocked but within 2 minutes I was taking him to the bedroom Grin
Has never reoccurred

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:29

Ok I'll speak to him, I know work is crap at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:30

Kay, was that to smack his bottom?

OP posts:
Kayano · 12/10/2011 20:30

I have a picture of the door on my phone and sent it to his mother Grin she is totally inappropriate just like me... I even told her how we made up Blush

DogsBeastFiend · 12/10/2011 20:30

I would tell him to go, yes, but many would argue that this would be overreacting. When I escaped a physically violent marriage I promised myself that no man will shout at me or display aggression in my home again, much less lay a finger on me again.

So, he would be leaving.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:32

Kay your dh is a lucky man. I won't be rewarding dh with any of that!

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 12/10/2011 20:33

Hmmmm - OP - you are looking for an excuse arent you?

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:33

Excuse for what?why are you being so mean.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 20:34

Your husband has never displayed actions like this before and I think you need to cut him some slack.

Work stress is a killer and can cause heart attacks and breakdowns, I had one myself and was then sick for 7 years and could not work.

Get him to talk to you before it becomes too much for him.

Kayano · 12/10/2011 20:35

Well I know he is not like that normally. Think he was just as shocked as I was! It was such a silly argument...

However if it was full on rage, punched the door a few times or I felt intimidated in any way, I probably would have reacted differently and not drag him into bed