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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider asking dh to leave after violent outburst?

86 replies

Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:15

Dh is usually very calm, quiet, mellow person. He has just completely flew off the handle and punch the wardrobe door so hard three times that it came off in from t of our dcs. Am in shock.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/10/2011 20:37

'Ok Agent that's good. Been together 11 years, very odd.'

Same time as I've been married Out, and to a similar kind of man.

I would be very concerned if DH did that after we'd had words.

I used to be the kind of person who did what your DH did all the time, and worse, but I would feel very betrayed if he tried to chuck me out if I did it again as a one off.

Our marriage is worth more than that...I would hope.

FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 20:38

The one thing you never do when a stressed man comes home from work is moan about your day, or get on at them about some shit or other, you talk about food, ask him how HIS day went and go from there.

SunRaysthruClouds · 12/10/2011 20:39

You have been together for many years and he has never been like this before? He is stressed. He is not getting the support he needs, or at least hopes for.

Help him to talk it through rather than bottling it then letting it out like this.

Anyone who says leave him has NFI

Fiendishlie · 12/10/2011 20:40

pipes and slippers, fabby? Like good fifties housewives?

FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 20:42

I didn't say she has to make the dinner did I. But when someone works all day the last thing they want if they work in a stressful job is to come home and hear about some bollocks about cleaning house. I worked full time he stayed at home, I didn't like it, I wanted to come home and just chill not be met with a load of shit about the fact the baby cried all day and got on his nerves.

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 12/10/2011 20:43

WTF, Fabby??

Kayano · 12/10/2011 20:43

But what was the argument actually about? Who started it? Was it about his job that he is already stressed about?

weevilswobble · 12/10/2011 20:47

Sounds like he needs support. Also sounds like he feels he has to have everything perfect for you and that he's not allowed to have things go wrong. Work for most people is stressy at the moment, so just make him feel like you guys are a team and that you're in it together, shoulder some of his burden?

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:48

No not about work. He was listening to my messages and I shouted at him.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 12/10/2011 20:49

errrr - what your personal voicemail? Does he often do that?

Georgimama · 12/10/2011 20:51

Why was he listening to your messages?

Are you drip feeding per chance?

FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 20:53

Can you actually tell us what the argument was about? What was on your messages that pissed him off?

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:53

Nope not drip feeding, sigh. It was our homephone, got annoyed because had told him I didn't want to listen to it, was a customer service thing.

OP posts:
weevilswobble · 12/10/2011 20:54

I agree with Fabby.
And hate this shit about 50's housewives, wtf is wrong with being a supportive good wife?? Do we call all men who go to a 9-5 job 50's husbands?? Grrr

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:54

Nothing juicy I'm afraid.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 20:56

My situation was reversed, he stayed home 2 kids, one 5 one a newborn, I worked.

FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 20:56

Oh and OP put a passcode on your voicemails, and your phone.

Georgimama · 12/10/2011 20:56

So he wasn't really listening to your messages, was he? Why shout at him about it?

Do you both shout a lot?

Kayano · 12/10/2011 20:57

You shouted at him for listenin to a message on your joint LANDLINE?!?' Shock

I think you two need to have a good talk but I wouldn't say to leave him! Esp if you were shouting at him for doing something he was perfectly entitled to do...

And... If the kids saw the punch that means they would have seen you shouting at him ?

Sad I think he is stressed and having a go was not a good thing to have done

SunRaysthruClouds · 12/10/2011 20:58

What are you looking for OP? Someone to tease out enough information from you to convince you that you are next on the list? If he was going to beat you you would have known about it by now, I think.

Support him. It may have been a shock, but by working it through with him you will help to prevent it happening again.

Nancy66 · 12/10/2011 20:58

i think asking him to leave is an over-reaction.

he's venting stress. Wrong to do it in front of the kids but sometimes these things happen. world of difference between punching a wall/door and a person.

i've smashed things in anger - some people need release valves

Kayano · 12/10/2011 20:58

Drip
Drip
Drip
Angry
Yabu

Northernlurker · 12/10/2011 20:58

So he was listening the house voicemail and you were in the background telling him not to bother whilst he was trying to hear it and the kids were there presumably making some noise too and he'd got in from work where he isn't happy? Ok I can see why he flipped. Doesn't make it at all reasonable but often the little trivial nothing things can make a lot of noise if they blow up.

Groovee · 12/10/2011 20:59

If my husband of quite a few years did this I'd be asking why and what provoked him. If he's not had history something is bothering him. I think there is more to this than you're saying.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 21:01

Thanks for advice. Yes I was ur. Some of you assume alot, that I'm a sahm, that I'm not supportive.

OP posts: