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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider asking dh to leave after violent outburst?

86 replies

Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 20:15

Dh is usually very calm, quiet, mellow person. He has just completely flew off the handle and punch the wardrobe door so hard three times that it came off in from t of our dcs. Am in shock.

OP posts:
WhereTheWildThingsWere · 12/10/2011 21:03

If dp of 13 years did this I would be worried about him not me.

There is more to this.

GalaxyWeaver · 12/10/2011 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 12/10/2011 21:04

Yes have admitted to being ur.

OP posts:
Georgimama · 12/10/2011 21:05

I don't think anyone is suggesting that his behaviour was not also UR or that it doesn't need addressing, but I don't think you should throw him out for this out of character outburst. If it is out of character.

SnakeOnCrack · 12/10/2011 21:06

people argue sometimes about silly things you know, it doesn't mean they both "shout a lot".

If this was totally out of character and you trust/feel safe with him then I would put this down to a moment of stress/frustration from him. Tell him he's a silly arse and let it go.

FabbyChic · 12/10/2011 21:09

Jesus woman whats wrong with you? He listened to a message on your homephone to which he is entitled to do and no doubt pays for.

Get a grip on yourself you act like you are hiding something, are you?

Georgimama · 12/10/2011 21:09

I didn't say they did. It was a question.

weevilswobble · 12/10/2011 21:14

We make assumptions OP because you are not giving details or the whole story. You question was 'should i tell him to leave' which is now looking VVUR.

Kayano · 12/10/2011 21:17

I think OP was
Just looking for a 'yes, leave him' with an opening post like that with no details at all....
Oh well, we can't all get what we want

motherinferior · 12/10/2011 21:21

I would be very frightened if my DP did that.

AgentZigzag · 12/10/2011 21:28

I wouldn't be frightened if DH did that because I've been in tussles with blokes before and not come off too badly.

But I would be angry if we'd argued and I thought I was in the right, and I'd maybe feel I wanted it affirming that I was justified in being pissed off.

I can understand the thread, and I think the OPs fine in that she's admitted she's maybe been a bit harsh and isn't being shitty about it.

Let things calm down and then try to get to the bottom of it.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 12/10/2011 21:36

Are you both under a lot of stress at the minute? It seems like a fairly minor argument went nuclear pretty quickly...

The wardrobe punching... for me that would take me back to my father's behaviour, and it would upset me out of proportion to the actual violence. And I would certainly be questioning, at least briefly, whether I still wanted to sleep under the same roof as him.

ShriekingLisa · 13/10/2011 00:25

Im the one in our house who punches things. But my DH knows id never hit him.
Let him cool down and then talk.

solidgoldbrass · 13/10/2011 00:42

If there's no previous history of aggression and you know he is under a lot of stress, throwing him out of the house is a bit excessive. However, tomorrow he should go to the GP and ask for help, whether that's temporary ADs, counselling or just being signed off work sick for a bit. And make sure he understands that doing it again will lead to him having to leave at least temporarily, you and the DC have a right to feel safe in your own home, rather than anxious that this man will throw another tantrum and next time one of you might get hit.

differentnameforthis · 13/10/2011 06:14

I can't believe what I am reading here, from you fabby!

My dh has a stressful job, works long hours, goes out early so he can be home at a decent time (that being 5pm). He also has a knee injury which is very restricting from him at present & he is unable to get as much done as he would normally (never off his feet, always doping stuff around the house etc) & he is very frustrated.

But you know what? He always takes time to make sure I can off load about my day to him. I don't want to hear how Mike in accounts fucked up a quote on some customers order, probably any more than he wants to know that dd painted the house in vomit/that the school run took me three times as long/that I took the girls to the park etc, but we listen to each other because we are married, we are a partnership & we understand the others need to talk about their day!

His day is no more important than mine, he has no more right to offload than I do. You are suggesting to the OP that her day is not important by telling her that she shouldn't be discussing it with her dh! Hmm

weevilswobble - wtf is wrong with being a supportive good wife

Nothing, but what the fuck is wrong with being a supportive good husband? It isn't exclusive, the two go hand in hand, if you feel listened to, respected, important you are more likely to be willing to make your husband/wife feel that way too.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 13/10/2011 16:20

Everything fine. DH knows hes been ur and I have been ur too.

Thanks for the useful advice. I should have known some of you just come on here for a bunfight and a bitch. And Fabby what a load of rubbish.

Both parents deserve to be listened to and supported. Working does not make your day neccessarily harder or more stressful. Hmm

Talk about jumping to conclusions, sahp, shouts alot. We had silly arguement about nought important, DH was a twat and so was I. It won't be happening again and I won't have a beer and his slippers ready when he gets hom.Hmm

OP posts:
GalaxyWeaver · 13/10/2011 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

havinhoops1974 · 13/10/2011 16:56

theres some very offensive views being thrown around here,
the idea that because someone works their stress is superior to yours is disgusting it doesnt condone battering a wardrobe and scaring the life of your kids.

However I dont agree that you should basically launch yourself at them in the doorway in a tirade of how bad your day has been. But like any civilised human being you just nod and listen. There needs to be a balance.

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 13/10/2011 17:36

I must point out that my DH had been in a while before we had a tiff and I don't tend to moan at him as soon as he walks in, infact I think that is rare for either of us to do. Confused

OP posts:
GalaxyWeaver · 13/10/2011 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyJoy · 13/10/2011 17:49

if it were me, i wouldnt be faffing on interweb, i would be talkingand communicating with my husband who was obviously distressed to do something so completely out of character, and trying to reassure children

but thats just me, what do i know :)

HappyJoy · 13/10/2011 17:50

Both parents deserve to be listened to and supported.

so get off the bleedin internet and listen then!!!! Or is it more important to rush onto here and start a thread about it

MrSpoc · 13/10/2011 17:56

Op the reason you got a hard time is because your whole post seems like your looking for a reason to leave your husband. If you want to leave, leave.

Another alarming thing about your post is that you have been together 11 years with no such incidents but as soon as this one incident (which you caused by the way) then you automaticly ask strangers if you should leave him, instead of finding out about why he has lashed out.
I dont think for one second that you thought he would attack you.

If he is having problems with work are you supporting him or making things worse?

HowlingWereWolfBitch · 13/10/2011 18:16

How could anyone 'cause' a grown man to punch the crap out of a wardrobe infront of his kids? Confused

Original poster
Outburstsrsudden · 13/10/2011 18:47

Mrspoc Of course I did. Hmm

OP posts: