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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Clean house, kids, work full time. Impossible right?

103 replies

Greenapples1 · 17/09/2011 10:34

Seems to me that I run around like a headless chicken from work, kids, meals and tidying but the house is still an embarrassment. DH does a bit when asked as do DD's but it's always with a sigh and the bare minimum of effort. Is there an answer to this or am I destined to be a nagging mother. AIBU?

OP posts:

MrsSleepy · 17/09/2011 10:36

Me and DH both work full time and kids are at school, We never seem to be home enough to make a mess! I put a wash on at night then hang it out in the morning and just do tidying up every evening and do a big clean on a weekend.

MumblingRagDoll · 17/09/2011 10:36

Cleaner? Laundry service?

hocuspontas · 17/09/2011 10:38

Sorry, but why does your DH need to be asked?

Nagoo · 17/09/2011 10:38

It's not all your job.

You need to get a chart.

reward your DDs for keeping things tidy to your standard? Give them jobs to do everyday that they are expected to do (dishwasher. lay table, put washing away)

Give your DH jobs to do to. Something he doesn't need to think about, like hoover after dinner, clean the kitchen or put washing on before bed. Make it clear that this is his job and if you have to ask him to do it he is letting his side down. Let him choose the jobs if you are feeling generous.

Do internet shopping during your lunch break at work.

amIbeingdaft · 17/09/2011 10:41

Your DH needs to pull his weight. What makes him think he doesn't have to?

Birdsgottafly · 17/09/2011 10:42

It depends on how high your standards are, if they are a lot higher than your DH then it is unfair to ask him to spend his spare time cleaning.

However, if it is just you wanting the house reasonably clean then you need to come to an agreement with your DH about what needs doing and who is going to do it and when.

I am a LP and work full time, we all (3) tidy as we go. My house is very minimal and i have a 'place for everything' and everything goes in its place, if you get your storage right the battle is half won. The less you have to move to clean, the easier that it is.

It is everyone's responsibility to keep the house clean and tidy up after themselves.

hocuspontas · 17/09/2011 10:50

I think 'a place for everything' is the crux! I don't and my house is always a tip. Stuff just moved from one room to another and the door firmly shut on it

Iteotwawki · 17/09/2011 10:58

Not impossible but made easier with a partner who does his fair share and children who are conditioned from tiny to tidy up at the end of the day.

I work full time, DH works part time (school hours) & looks after boys after school. He does laundry & keeps kitchen under control, I do bathrooms & cooking. Vacuuming / sweeping we do about equally, grocery shopping DH does while I get some time with the boys at a playground. The boys clear their mess up at the end of the day.

Your partner shouldn't look on it as helping out - who is he helping? Since when did it become your job to keep the family home clean? You all live there, you all share the household chores.

Dialsmavis · 17/09/2011 10:58

I find the more we are out the tidier the house is! Children do their own rooms etc wherever possible and bring down and take back up their own washing etc. I have a dishwasher but I think I will need a tumble dryer when the weather turns cold. Loads of storage is a must and stick the DC on hot dinners so that you don't have to faff about with. If you can't both pay for a cleaner for an hour a week then just both do a good clean on a weekend morning and between times various types of wipes are your friend and ally. I live in a decent sized house with more than one bathroom and we can clean the whole house in an hour each. Drop your standards about windows and stuff as lifes too short.

blackeyedsusan · 17/09/2011 11:01

decluttering and improving storage helps. being able to use the storage you have got without a small boy pulling the books off my bookshelf would help too

MayDayChild · 17/09/2011 11:05

Agree about storage, constant decluttering and puttin things away.
I have a cleaner 2 hours a week but I TIDY the whole house before she comes and empty bins etc. I want every second of her time to be spent cleaning, not tidying.
There is a huge difference and I can't bear dust or dirty marks whereas I tolerate mild mess - clothes on floor or toys laying about.
To be honest, it will hard for you to make huge changes so start off really small and build up.

motherinferior · 17/09/2011 11:05

Well, it's certainly unreasonable even if some people find it possible. Your DH is as responsible for cooking and housework as you are. TBH I don't agree he should be 'given jobs' - he needs a wakeup call like 'It's your turn to cook tomorrow, isn't it?' If he thinks this is nagging, that frankly is his problem.

LaLaLaLayla · 17/09/2011 11:08

Maybe you could add your DH's name to the Chart that Nagoo suggested. Give him chores and reward him with stickers

norriscoleforpm · 17/09/2011 11:09

I part four days a week, DH works three. We used to both work f/t and to be honest, the housework seemed to get done a lot more easily and efficiently then! We had to make the effort I guess. Now, DH does whatever needs doing over his days off and I use mine to finish it off! DS (11) makes his bed, and sorts his washing out, dd (5) will clear her playroom and bedroom under duress but it's getting better...slowly!

MrsSleepy · 17/09/2011 11:11

Lalala Brilliant!

AnnieLobeseder · 17/09/2011 11:12

Getting a cleaner was a non-negotiable part of my return to work, and DH and I split the cooking/laundry/tidying.

It is possible to do it all yourselves, but I didn't want to spend my weekends cleaning the toilets instead of spending time with the DDs.

The whole family needs to do their share though. It's not fair or even possible for one adult to bear all the domestic responsibility and work full time.

mumblechum1 · 17/09/2011 11:15

If your dh doesn't want/doesn't have time to do his share of the housework, that's fine, but he should pay for a cleaner to do his share.

I've always worked PT and done all the domestic stuff as dh has always worked insane hours, up to 100 a week and it would be ridiculous to ask him to come home at 11pm and start on the ironing, BUT if I was full time I would definitely have got him to pay for a cleaner to do his notional half share.

FabbyChic · 17/09/2011 11:18

I worked full time when my children were babies but there dad helped, then he left when they were 7.5 and 2.5, I always had a clean house.

I done a thorough clean on Sundays, and done all the ironing. I also done the gardening on a Sunday too.

It was easy to keep tidy because as I got out of bed I made it, as the kids got out of bed I made them.

All clothes were in the basket, all washing up was done as dinner was finished.

Whats hard about keeping a house tidy?

Some would say my house was too clean and tidy.

It was never hard work not at all. It's all about routine.

I was on my own with my children from when they were 7.5 and 2.5 until now.

I was married in between and had another child to look after but it was still easy.

motherinferior · 17/09/2011 11:20

But what about the cooking, mumblechum? The tidying? It's not just about the cleaning. It's about overall household responsibility, and both adults taking their share.

motherinferior · 17/09/2011 11:24

I'd hate to be responsible for getting supper onto the table every night. Or all the washing.

mumblechum1 · 17/09/2011 11:34

True, Mother. As I say, it was hypothetical for me because I only worked PT so had plenty of time to do all the domestic stuff, hours before he even got home. I guess if I'd worked FT, DH's responsibility would have been to pay for a daily cleaner and an ironing lady.

TeamDamon · 17/09/2011 11:34

Routine is your friend. DH and I work and although I am theoretically part-time, I am out of the house 7.30 am to 5 pm Monday to Friday. We have developed a routine whereby everything has its place in the week - so I do the grocery shopping on my way home on Friday, for example, and ironing is Sunday night - and it all gets done. We work hard, but it does mean I can enjoy an hour or two of TV without feeling guilty that stuff is needing to be done.

It would of course be better to be a person who didn't feel guilty about such stuff!

norriscoleforpm · 17/09/2011 11:53

There's something really comforting about ironing on a sunday night isn't there....or is that just me

Iteotwawki · 17/09/2011 12:02

mumblechum - I also worked insane hours, including 72h shifts. I still did my share of the housework, as when I was working silly hours my husband was also working, looking after our baby / toddler. When they were in bed I wanted him to rest while he could, not start in on housework.

If I had been living on my own I'd still have to do the laundry, cook, clear up and clean when I came home. Although to be fair when I was single, I was working in excess of 100h a week so I was never in the house for it to get dirty :)

eurochick · 17/09/2011 12:09

The problem is that your husband and children see cleaning the house as your responsibility and something that they help with occasionally. You need to change this perception. Your daughter should be keeping her room tidy and doing a couple of other set chores. Your husband should be doing half of what is left. And he shouldn't need to be asked to do it. He needs to see it as his responsibility as much as yours.

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