Clean house, kids, work full time. Impossible right?

[Greenapples1]

Seems to me that I run around like a headless chicken from work, kids, meals and tidying but the house is still an embarrassment. DH does a bit when asked as do DD's but it's always with a sigh and the bare minimum of effort. Is there an answer to this or am I destined to be a nagging mother. AIBU?

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

It's absolutely possible. With two adults who take responsibility.

[motherinferior]

Sometimes I really yearn for a Why Oh Why Chromosome if it's a free card out of domesticity.

[FabbyChic]

It's possible with one adult. My children only had their toys in their own bedrooms, I gave up my larger bedroom so they could have the space.

[AnnieLobeseder]

It's possible with one adult, Fabby, when only one adult needs to be cooked for and cleaned up after. If two adults are producing the housework, it certainly shouldn't fall on one adult to do it all if they are both working full time.

[VFVF]

My best friend seems to be able to. Frankly I'm in awe. She works full time (plus on-call work), is pregnant and has a 2 year old DD, her husband also works FT and is in the TA, and yet their house is immaculate! She cleans her skirting boards FFS! I assume her DH is as tidy as she is, theirs no way she can keep it looking so good on her own. The only time it's messy is when I come over and the kids get all the toys out!

I'm a SAHM with a very undemanding toddler and my house is nowhere near as nice!

I think it's because she doesn't read. Or have Sky.

[SinicalSal]

ridiculous that your DH thinks that his leisure time is sacrosanct while yours is to be spent scrubbing & cleaning. Ask him to justify it, and ask him why it's so important for one person to get a rest at the end of the day but not for another.
Just for pig iron.

A pain that you have to be the one to do this but write down what needs doing in the week, in order of time spent/how disgusting it is. Each of you pick a job in turn from the list.

[marriedinwhite]

I think a lot depends on the size of your houuse and many other variables. My dc are 13 and 16, my dh is often away but does the garden. The front, the light bulbs, the paperwork and the bins; he also works from about 8am until 7pm and often many hours inbetween. I also work full time but from 9am until about 5.30pm although I often being work home. I do all the shoppping, all the cooking, most of the school stuff, although DH deals with DS's competitive sport as much as possible. DH wouldn't begin to think about housework and I wouldn't expect him to. He does, however, pay for 5 hours of domestic help each week. I spend about one nd a half to two hours a day on cooking, laundry, general tidying and dishwshering and yet we are never straight and there is always something that needs doing.

[Xenia]

Why does your husband "do a bit">? Why would anyone tolerate such unfairness even for a day? What is it with these women that they don't have 50.590 arrangements at home? I Have never never understood it. Did your mothers teach you only women clean? Do you men not have arms? Do you feel so grateful he married you you terolate the sexism? Do you think a penis precludes someone from cleaning? Do you earn a tiny fraction of what he does so you have to do loads at home in order to ensure he continues to keep you? What is the reason?

[marriedinwhite]

Yes Xenia, I work outside the home about three hours less per day than my DH. I work because I want to and do something fulfoilling and which I believe puts something back into our local community. And yes I earn a fraction of DH's earnings even though it exceeds the national average - DH's earnings have an extra nought! We are a true partnership and I don't even feel the need to tell hom where the cleaner finds the hoover every week, let alone expect him to use it!

[kickassangel]

what xenia said.

or does he do loads of other stuff - the garden, diy etc that balances out?

suggest that as he doesn't do his share, perhaps he'd like to pay for a cleaner to help him out?

or just don't do thing - I cook dinner. At the end of it, I have started just getting up from the table & wandering off (without an explanation) dh then either has to clean up, or it won't get done.

even when one partner is a sahp, and the other works, i do believe it's part of every able bodied adult's responsibility to do SOMETHING in the house - otherwise, what are they contributing to the family? 'money' isn't a good enough answer.

[kickassangel]

married - i think xenia's comment was to the op - it sounds like you & your h have a balance, although tis fairly traditional, but it's not like he's sitting with his feet up & a beer, tutting while you try to vacuum around him.

[hocuspontas]

well, she hasn't said what happens at the weekend....

[marriedinwhite]

I'm sitting with my feet up and a nice glass of Burgundy. He's doing something with pi squared with dd and has already cleared up after supper!

[alana39]

Absolutely agree, you might take responsibility for different jobs around the house but it should be shared in some way.

You are a partner and mother, not hired help. Both partners sharing the household work is also a good example to set your children isn't it - I
make sure DSs see DH cleaning bathrooms even though they're not yet at the age where they can do much more than basic tidying.

[hocuspontas]

I like it married!

[007alert]

Lone parent here, 3 dc (6, 4, 2) full time job. And my house is tidy and clean. My dc always have their kit at school (although how the bleeding hell they lose it at school so often I do knot know) and homework is in on the right days. I second routine and organisation. I am a list maker extrordinaire! And I am rarely seen on mn, cos I'm too busy with rl.

[280169]

we work ft 2 dc, they tidy their rooms on weekend no pocket money if they dont, oh does half cooking and cleans kitchen once week,prper clean i mean.i do laundry ironing general tidying half cooking,.

We are not always tidy but liveable and comfortable with happy kids.

I start late 1 day a week and work til late.Thats my catch up day,change beds get washing dried at launderette fold nicely to reduce ironing etc.We both do voluntary work too, life is manic but i hate sitting still :)

[gurgling]

Yes something's got to give. But I bet your'e a lovely happy family, whether or not the carpet's hoovered.

[Xenia]

Yes, my post was to the original poster and I quote what she said about her idle other half.

As married says if you earn a fraction of th eother half you might well choose not even to tell him where the hoover is. Money, power, control are the basic issues. If you earn 10x what your children's father earns as I was the case with us then things tend to tilt more towards oy mate, 50.50 at home or else and it would then be ludicrous that just because you've breasts you do loads of domestic stuff and Mr Idle male doesn't do a stroke.

[marriedinwhite]

Married shuffles off to iron DH's favourite weekend shirt for tomorrow. Then it's off for a hug with her partner till the day breaks tomorrow.

[Xenia]

There you go. If you earned 10x what he did he'd be going off to iron your blouse whilst you put your feet up. Laughing as I type although money and power are very interesting and important issues in relationships.

[marriedinwhite]

How very rude Xenia.

[workedoutforthebest]

I have four children. Three teenagers and a baby. I work four full days a week and on the day I have off; I tidy the house and do all the other mundane stuff. To be honest, it was a God send asking my partner to leave, because now I have no distractions when bending over to put the casserole in the oven

[norriscoleforpm]

Xenia's not rude, she's super clever and never wrong, remember? I don't think Money and Power aren't important 'issues' to anyone but her, at least when she's patronising as amny people as possible on this form. Love and respect come quite high in our home.