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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I am the only REAL full time working mum???

96 replies

Proudnscary · 09/09/2011 11:40

I don't mean that in a weird, competitive way.

All my 'full time working' mum friends don't actually work full time I've discovered over the years.

For eg some 'work from home' on Fridays or have every other Friday off, some have all the school holidays off, some have one or two early finish days to do school pick ups.

I am literally the ONLY one who works Mon - Fri.

I have a fab job and earn big bucks - but I'm wondering have I done something wrong when first negotiating terms? Should I have insisted on building in extra holiday or days work from home?

Actually my life balances out well and I don't feel myself or my dc have missed out. I work near-ish home so have 2 hours in morn, 3 in evening with them and always go to plays/assemblies...but god how I would have loved to have had summer hols off with them.

OP posts:
thesurgeonsmate · 09/09/2011 11:43

Quite possibly. I work "full-time" in that I am available for work at any time, but as it happens I hardly ever do any work at all on any Monday.

Rowena8482 · 09/09/2011 11:44

If you'd wanted the summer holidays THAT badly, you'd have found a way to have them. Why get all worked up about it if you're happy how things are, and don't feel like you missed out. Or are you just having a "grass is always greener" moment? :)

needinstructions · 09/09/2011 11:45

Erm, I 'work from home' one day a week and consider that working full time that day - as I do indeed work. Longer hours than when I'm in the office because I don't have the commute.

Having said that, I don't know any properly full time WOHMs. I couldn't manage if I had a full week and it wouldn't be the right balance for our family. Surely everyone just works out what's right for them and negotiates accordingly? If your life balances out then there doesn't seem to be a problem. And you earn big bucks. Don't know many part-timers that manage that, so again, it's a choice you make.

inthehead · 09/09/2011 11:45

I do far more work when I am working from home than I do in the office so YABU

inthehead · 09/09/2011 11:45

If you work full time, surely you have a higher leave entitlement than partn timers and should have more time off in the holidays?

thesurgeonsmate · 09/09/2011 11:46

Sorry, as this is AIBU, I see that my answer should in fact be "Quite possibly not."

raspberryroop · 09/09/2011 11:47

If its all so fab then whats the question?

CurrySpice · 09/09/2011 11:49

I work FT but I work fo rmyself so it's rarely Mon-Fri 9-5. Sometimes I work till 4am. Or MN don't start till noon

Not quite sure what the U bit is tbh

reallytired · 09/09/2011 11:50

What a weird post. Are you trying to show off or something?

Don't be daft. Loads of mums with young children work full time. Many mums work damn sight harder than you and don't have a fab job or earn mega bucks. In fact many mums work in low paid jobs doing anti social hours full time.

If you want to reduce your hours and you have a child under six then you have the right to request flexible working.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2011 11:51

Would you like a medal?

knittedbreast · 09/09/2011 11:53

stop wingeing.

NodsSmilesandBacksAway · 09/09/2011 11:55

no i would never work full time

i didnt have kids to let someone else be responsible for them

Pantone · 09/09/2011 11:55

Well, yes, you seem to have a very standard, traditional working role and the other mums that you know seem to have worked out a much better deal for themselves. You could try and renegotiate your hours of work.

Original poster
Proudnscary · 09/09/2011 11:56

Reallytired - ummm no not showing off. And re requesting flexible, it just doesn't work like that (in some industries/jobs) in the real world.

I suppose I'm asking if I should have pressed for better annual leave.

And yes it does work well for my family - it's the summer holidays really that I find har,d as in emotionally hard. But my choices have been, well, my choices.

Re 'working from home' - the reason I put it in inverted commas is because most women I know who negotiated this say that it's an unsaid understanding between them and their management that means 'I'm with the kids but will answer a few emails'

OP posts:
soggy14 · 09/09/2011 11:56

YABU - I work from home, so does dh and we both work bl**dy hard, often stupid hours (eg both frequently still working at midnight). People who are entirely office based I think often work far less - once you get home you are home and no longer "at work" whereas we homeworkers are effectively always at work.

What really bugs me is people like you who put "work from home" into quotes. Why do this? And if you work "full time" from Mon to Fri then why are you posting to mumsnet during the day?

Mony people who work from home some days do so in order to actually get some work done as many people who make a big ting of bein goffice based often appear to only go to work in order to socialise and keep distracting those of us who actually want to get some work done.

Stangirl · 09/09/2011 11:56

YABU

This will come over a bit "four yorkshiremen" sketch but when I return to work from maternity leave I will be working a full five day week and won't have either 2 hours in the morning or 3 at night with the kids. I'll be rushing them to get ready and out of the house to nursery within an hour and at night I will arrive home gone 6 when their bedtime is 7pm. Once they are at school I'm going to have to find someone to take care of them after school until I return from work. Count yourself lucky.

scuzy · 09/09/2011 11:56

"no i would never work full time

i didnt have kids to let someone else be responsible for them"

what a load of shite!

CurrySpice · 09/09/2011 11:57

Oh now you've pissed me right off Proudnscary - that is NOT what working from home means for me and most others

coccyx · 09/09/2011 12:00

Post it in the feminist section.
Why do you care what others do. How do you know that people aren't working from home. awful attitude

Sn0wGoose · 09/09/2011 12:01

:o @ scuzy

BelleDameSansMerci · 09/09/2011 12:01

Well, I 'work from home' and that does not mean that my DD is here. She is at nursery, just as she is when I'm in the office. The key word is work from home. No wonder employers resist flexible working if the interpretation is that the employee will be working in between looking after the children.

You are not the only full time working mum and YABU. Oh, and lucky you with your fixed hours. Throw a few overnights and 12 hour days in there and you might have an idea of what it can be like for others.

whatkatydidathome · 09/09/2011 12:06

most women I know who negotiated this say that it's an unsaid understanding between them and their management that means 'I'm with the kids but will answer a few emails'

what a prat you are. It is saying things like this which work so against those of us who do want to be able to work flexibily and who are adult enough to be able to work without constant supervision.

Are you one of those types who resents people choosing to work fro mhome because it leaves poor lonely you with no one to talk to at the office? Is that why you are MNing whilst suposedly at work?

If most women (obvious no man would do this :) ) you knw can negociate a day off like this then it seems odd that you cannot even negociate flexible working.

Working from home if appropriate works in everyones favour - no commute so more hours to work or to play, greener, no clogging up the roads or trains and ability to fit in school runs etc and no this doesn't mean that I am working any fewer hours than you are. It means that I fit probably way more hours around the school runs - eg starting before the kids get up so that I can work from 7-8 then do kids from 8-9 then work from 9-4, kids 4-6, then back to work etc - this is not a skive but flexible working.

CurrySpice · 09/09/2011 12:07

And yes, I second scuzy. What a load of bolloock Nods

Bramshott · 09/09/2011 12:10

Yes, you probably are. The only one in the whole country.

Ormirian · 09/09/2011 12:10

"I have a fab job and earn big bucks - but I'm wondering have I done something wrong when first negotiating terms? Should I have insisted on building in extra holiday or days work from home? "

Yep. If it bothers you you should have. It doesn't sound that fab if it doesn't allow for flexibilty. BTW I don't understand how working flexibly or from home doesn't count as full-time working.