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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Benefits or move in with DP?

97 replies

beautifulswan · 07/09/2011 15:41

I have been a single mother living on benefits in a council flat for some time. I don't like living on benefits and would like to come off. (I have been job seeking for some time and unable to find work)

The opportunity has arisen for me to move in with my DP who I have been with for 5.5 years. As he is a high earner, will that mean I wont be entitled to anything myself? Will I lose child tax credits? (He is a high earner) Will it mean I'll have absolutely zero of my own money? I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:
RealityVonCrapp · 07/09/2011 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/09/2011 15:48

Depends how much he earns - if it's about £42k or therabouts you won't even get child benefit.

I guess you will only get your maintenance from your previous partner.

You will have to have a lot of conversations with your DP as he will suddenly become responsible for a family (until you find a job).

DreamsOfSteam · 07/09/2011 15:50

Yes you will lose your tax credits, you should still get child benefit although I believe this is being withdrawn if you or your partner is a higher rate tax payer.
Is your partner not willing to support you financially? seems slightly odd that you are concidering moving in with someone you have been with for such a long time and there is still a question mark over the finances of it

zukiecat · 07/09/2011 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NodsSmilesandBacksAway · 07/09/2011 15:53

how lovely to be able to get off benefits and share your life with your long term partner who earns a high wage

whats to decide about? surely you can carry on looking for work and eventually bring in your own money if thats what you wish

lubeybooby · 07/09/2011 15:53

You will still get child benefit, but if you are moving in with someone then their income really ought to be family money just as yours would be if/when you work. You need a serious talk with your DP.

LaWeasel · 07/09/2011 15:58

If he is a truly high earner then yes you would probably lose all but your child benefit which is not assessed. However, it shouldn't matter as all your partner's wages would then become family money.

Speak to your partner, if he's not willing to share his cash you have bigger problems!

Crosshair · 07/09/2011 16:00

DP gives me money for food shopping with enough left over to buy myself stuff or save. He is happy to support us, while I was looking for work/having our baby.

Its something to discuss between yourselves and working out whats best for you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/09/2011 16:02

Like anyone else thinking of making a long-term relationship more permanent, you have to work out how you're going to operate as a family, finances included. If the idea of losing benefits and forfeiting some of your independence is holding you back maybe you think that he'll try to restrict or control you in some way?

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/09/2011 16:05

Here

HTH

LaurieFairyCake · 07/09/2011 16:06

You also have to consider how difficult it would be if the relationship broke down - you would be homeless and it would take a while to sort out the benefits again.

If you move in with him you don't have the legal 'protection' Hmm of marriage.

WidowWadman · 07/09/2011 16:10

What 'legal' protection?

workedoutforthebest · 07/09/2011 16:10

Do you think your instincts are telling you something here?

LaurieFairyCake · 07/09/2011 16:13

Widow - if you get married unless you have a pre-nup (not particularly common in Uk) then you have rights as you have 'shared' things in marriage. You can acquire a beneficial interest in his property for example.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/09/2011 16:13

The legal protection of 'all my worldly goods I thee endow'.... it's a binding contract.

WidowWadman · 07/09/2011 16:22

Ah, gotcha - you mean that she wouldn't be entitled to any of his property if the relationship broke down - don't see how that would change much of her situation though.

Wormshuffler · 07/09/2011 16:35

Personally I could only do it if I were contributing something to the pot no matter how small, would it be possible for you to get a part time job once you have moved in together?
I have been married for 13 years, we have 2 children together and another on the way. I still feel uncomfortable about spending DH's earnings on myself even though he has no problem with it! Just an independence thing...........
Very tricky situation for you OP.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 07/09/2011 16:38

Well I guess it depends on what your partner says about it. You've been together quite a long time so I guess you must know what's he's like and to have had discussions about money and things.

ENormaSnob · 07/09/2011 17:23

What does your boyfriend say about it?

I wouldn't do it unless I had a job tbh.

hairylights · 07/09/2011 18:15

Child benefit is not being scrapped for higher earners until 2013, but you would lose your other benefits, yes.

tattychicken · 07/09/2011 18:45

I'd think twice before giving up secure accommodation eg council tenancy to move in with a DP in his accommodation. This accommodation is far less secure and should the relationship break down (sure it won't but just doing a 'plan for the worst and hope for the best' scenario) you could find yourself homeless and you are unlikely to be offered another council property in a hurry..... Is he in rented or does he own his house? Could/would he put you on the tenancy/mortgage?

returntosender · 07/09/2011 18:45

I'm in a similar position OP - DP has just bought his first house and we've discussed living together, but I claim benefits in a council flat and would lose a lot if I moved in with him. It's not just the IS/CTC/HB (because these are all just living costs and he could cover them on his salary - we get no maintenance). There are also free prescriptions, school meals and in London, half price bus travel. Plus the loss of anything else that is means tested - we get additional grants, cheaper after-school club and LP holiday grants due to low income and have used legal aid and that would also all go. Also when/if DS grows older and wants to go to college/university, student finance depends on his parental household income.

The system would regard your DP as financially responsible for you and your children as soon as you started living together. For the time being, I have decided that it is better for us not to cohabit, partly for financial reasons but also partly because DS and I need our own space. DP's home is only slightly larger than our current flat and it would put a strain on our relationship to cram us all into that space.

I also think it's a big risk to leave the secure tenancy of a council flat and move into a home owned by someone else, as that leaves you with nowhere to go if your relationship breaks down. If you were married, you would have the right to stay but just cohabiting gives you none of those rights.

FabbyChic · 07/09/2011 18:46

He will have to support you. You lose all benefits

SansaLannister · 07/09/2011 18:54

Unless I were married to him, I would not move in with him in your circumstances.

ChristinedePizan · 07/09/2011 18:56

Arranging your life so that you are entitled to maximum benefits is shit, rts. Fair enough if you're not secure in your relationship but to stay in a council flat for years while being in a good relationship with someone who is supporting your family so that you can claim student benefits is fraud.