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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maternity nurses make me angry

87 replies

Jennytailia · 03/08/2011 06:56

Maybe its because im really tired from getting up at 5am with DD, or maybe its because im jealous.

I just feel like its cheating a bit to organise overnight help from the day your baby is born, to actually plan for and book a maternity nurse.

Surely you expect a certain amount of sleeplessness when you have a baby. And if you dont go through those tough times, how can you appreciate the good times and get to know your baby properly.

Sometimes it just feels like money can buy you anything.

OP posts:
belgo · 03/08/2011 06:57

I don't know anyone who has had one. Do you? are they common?

twolittlekittens · 03/08/2011 06:58

YANBU, you do sound jealous though. I know nothing of maternity nurses, but would have paid a thousand pounds, yes a whole thousand pounds so someone could sit with DD overnight while I slept.

MissusCT · 03/08/2011 07:02

YANBU, agree with twolittlekittens that you sound jealous. I don't blame you, I feel jealous too. If it turned out I'd won the lottery I don't think I could put a price on getting a decent night's sleep (DD is almost 4 weeks, I've slept about 5 minutes of that).

Icelollycraving · 03/08/2011 07:02

Yabu. If someone has a nanny or a childminder does that annoy you too.
If I could afford it,I may have had one but I'm doing the baby feeds through the night,miss my sleep & would function much better with a non fuzzy sleep disturbed head.

fivegomadindorset · 03/08/2011 07:03

God I would have given anything to have had someone to help at nights with DS, I might have actuakky remembered something positive from his first five months.

wem · 03/08/2011 07:03

Huh? Cheating? Cheating at what? The only thing I'd say is that it doesn't sound compatible with breastfeeding, but if that's their choice then it sounds like a brilliant idea.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 03/08/2011 07:05

I'm perfectly capable of appreciating the good times without going through the bad, what an odd thing to say. Do you not appreciate your child's smiles and first steps and cuddles if they haven't , e.g., vomited all over the wall the night before, then?

Genuine question: a lot of women do the vast, vast majority of childcare and night wakeups when their babies are very young. Are those with very involvwed partners who split the load cheating, and unable to bond?

Original poster
Jennytailia · 03/08/2011 07:05

I was looking on Gumtree for something and saw a few ads from families who were looking for a maternity nurse, for straight after the birth of their baby. One of them already had a 2yo who had her own nanny as well.

I dont think I would be able to sleep all night knowing a stranger had my tiny baby, maybe after weeks of sleepless nights I would be desperate, but to employ someone as soon as you are out of hospital seems a bit precious.

OP posts:
NoobyNoob · 03/08/2011 07:06

I think YABU - although I can see where you're coming from.

It's certainly not cheating, bit of an odd thing to say TBH.

fastweb · 03/08/2011 07:08

It's only cheating if motherhood is a competition.

But it isn't, so it's not.

Would I ever have had somebody in for the nights if I had the money, oh yeah.

PussInConverse · 03/08/2011 07:09

Sounds awesome. Will save up for one for any future dc. Although I cheat already as dh does weekend night feeds...

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 03/08/2011 07:10

If you apply that to everything then so is ff and nursery Hmm

Original poster
Jennytailia · 03/08/2011 07:11

Tortoiseonthehalfshell No, having a partner or family member help you out would not be 'cheating' as they have as much right to bond with the baby as the mother. But having paid help, someone who has no interest in bonding with the baby but who will be possibly spending half of the time with the baby doesnt seem right to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennytailia · 03/08/2011 07:13

No Lovebeingathomeonmyown because those things are often necessary, whereas a maternity nanny just seems different

OP posts:
OpinionatedPlusSprogs · 03/08/2011 07:15

YABU. Nothing wrong with it. Many Mums in this world don't have washing machines. The reason I have one is they make life easier. Am I cheating because I don't subject myself to pointless drudgery?

Of course money can buy pretty much anything. Life isn't fair.

OpinionatedPlusSprogs · 03/08/2011 07:16

Why is a maternity nanny different? The baby is having it's needs met. No harm done.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/08/2011 07:17

YABU... My friend had the same maternity nurse for both her children and I fully understand why. Her DH works away from home most of the week, she wasn't confident around babies, she'd had caesarians on both occasions and she didn't have willing family members on hand to help her out with those first weeks. She learned a lot from the nurse and gained a lot of confidence and reassurance.

I think you're quite horrible to judge other people's decisions based on your own prejudices.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 03/08/2011 07:17

I don't think maternity nurses spend that much time with the baby to the exclusion of the parent, do they? And in any case, your original argument was that by having help with the bad times, you can't appreciate the good times nor get to know your baby properly. Both of which would apply equally if you had family helping.

Likewise, whether something is 'necessary' doesn't actually alter how it affects you. If the argument is that using external sources stops you bonding, then their necessity or otherwise is irrelevant.

Do you feel any different if you know that the mother advertising for the maternity nurse has physical disabilities that make her unable to do a lot of picking up? Or that she is at high risk for PPD which is exacerbated by lack of sleep?

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 03/08/2011 07:18

Who says they have no interest, I think you'd have to be pretty interested to so that job.

And how do you know these night nannies aren't needed? Buoy are judging from a couple of adverts.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 03/08/2011 07:20

No Lovebeingathomeonmyown because those things are often necessary, whereas a maternity nanny just seems different

in your opinon

DuelingFanjo · 03/08/2011 07:21

is this an anti-childcare thread by stealth?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/08/2011 07:23

Looks that way Duellingfanjo... Childcare in the first few weeks of life is no different, in principle, to childcare at any other stage of life. Ironically, my friend who used a maternity nurse has gone on to be a SAHM and never used childcare. I, who battled through those first few months solo, have used child-care for my DS ever since. Does the OP want to vent her wrath on me for that, I wonder?

Original poster
Jennytailia · 03/08/2011 07:24

Right, fine im wrong then. I'll channel my jealousy anger at something else then.

If I saw this thread, I would probably come on to say YABU, I like a bit of an argument and I think you all do to. I bet you all secretly agree with me

OP posts:
SheCutOffTheirTails · 03/08/2011 07:25

The only person I know who used one has triplets.

She was more tired than anyone I've ever seen despite the help.

Ephiny · 03/08/2011 07:25

YABU, of course it's not 'cheating', there's no rule that motherhood has to be as difficult as possible. You could even argue the other way round, that a less sleep-deprived mother can interact and bond better with her baby during the day (don't know if this is true but it's at least as valid as your speculation!). It's not necessarily incompatible with bf-ing either as the nanny can bring you your baby during the night for a feed if you want.

If it wouldn't feel right for you personally, then that's fine, but I don't see why other people's choices would make you angry. How exactly does it affect you? Even if it is a bit 'precious', anger seems a quite an over-reaction. Maybe you are jealous.