Maternity nurses make me angry

[Jennytailia]

Maybe its because im really tired from getting up at 5am with DD, or maybe its because im jealous.

I just feel like its cheating a bit to organise overnight help from the day your baby is born, to actually plan for and book a maternity nurse.

Surely you expect a certain amount of sleeplessness when you have a baby. And if you dont go through those tough times, how can you appreciate the good times and get to know your baby properly.

Sometimes it just feels like money can buy you anything.

[HarperSeven]

I had one - fantastic help. Bloody annoying woman. Couldn't have managed without her though.

Happily, no one cares what you think OP, when you're getting up at night to nurse your own child. Your envy is your own problem.

[halcyondays]

YABU.There are no prizes for being a martyr. It's no different from having help from a partner or family member, being permanently exhausted doesn't make you a better mum.

[hester]

I actually think a maternity nurse would have helped me be a much better mother, as well as a much happier person, in those early weeks. I was reeling, traumatised, and desperately sleep deprived.

[PussInConverse]

I am SO having one if there's a next time thanks to this thread. not even ttc yet, so there's time to save.

Do you have to provide own posh bedroom and bathroom or will they be happy in the nursery spare room? And what's the going rate in the Midlands? And can you just employ one for a few weeks?

[silverfrog]

I had one when I had dd2 - absolutely fabulous, and I would do so again without hesitation.

dd1 was 2.6 when dd2 was born, and I was in all liklihood going to have another caesarian (I did in the end). dd1 has severe ASD (just going through dx att he time), and our lives were a hectic whirl of appts, keeping routines etc.

we wanted her to have as stress free an intro to her new sibling as possible, which for her meant making sure she could get to eg Tumble Tots, nursery, toddler groups etc as usual.

I bf dd2 as well - perfectly possible with a maternity nurse. we shared care in the day )of dd1 as well as dd2 - nanny drove everywhere obv, as I couldn't), and then of an evening, she kept an eye on dd2 while I ate dinner with dh, brought her to me whenever she needed feeding, and I handed ber back afterwards for winding, endless pacing up and down etc. lovely.

for the first few days - you know, where they don't settle at all and you just sleep (or not!) with them snuggled up, I had her all night. but after that, she stayed with the nanny until she woke for a feed in the middle of the night, then I fed her, and usually curled up in the armchair in her room until morning (dd2's room, not nanny's ). post early morning feed, nanny had her again, while I had a bath, sorted out dd1 etc etc.

it meant I got at least half a night's sleep, and combining that with eg an afternoon nap while dd2 was quiet was a godsend.

we had the nanny for 6 weeks, and it was fantastic.

we had no posh facilities - just a spare room, really, and nanny shared our (single) bathroom.

dd2 is 4.6 now, and has suffered no ill effects from being handed over to a stranger

[PirateDinosaur]

I had a c-section with DS and went down with whooping cough immediately after, so obviously when I had DD1 and DD2 by VBAC I partially disembowelled myself with a teaspoon and got someone with bubonic plague in to infect me, because I knew that if I didn't have the same tough times I'd had with DS there was no way I'd be able to appreciate the good times or get to know my DDs properly.

Oh, no, actually I didn't. I just walked around with a big grin thinking "Feck me, this is So Much Easier".

[Mrsxstitch]

YABVU I would have loved a maternity nurse. I was very ill after having dd after a 4 day labour and crash section. I remember dragging myself along the floor after fainting one morning. Did it help me bond with dd No, it only incurred the wrath of my then husband because I didn't having everything in a state of complete perfection with home baking and freshly cooked meals for visitors. I would have given anything for just a few hrs sleep even just one night, it could have helped me heal.

[BrandyAlexander]

I have a newborn and toddler. The quality of my parenting won't be measured by how much I suffered in the early days with each of them and in fact, having a live in nanny this time round means I have really enjoyed every single moment with dc2 as opposed to the fog I was in following dc1's birth. I am fortunate that dh and I have the money to be able to spend to make things easier, given the benefits. Only a martyr wouldn't do the same if they also had the money.

I am not oblivious to how my friends are struggling (as they don't have same level of support) so to OP, I say that this phase will pass, so focus your energies on getting through it as best you can.

[clucky80]

I was in hospital for 9 days after having my baby (had a c sec and have complicated medical history). I got to know the midwives and nurses really well as I was in the hospital alot during my pregnancy and they gave me my own room and offered to help with feeding the baby at first (had to ff, bf wasn't an option). I felt bad as they were so short staffed and I wanted to get up and at first it was lovely sitting looking out the window across London feeding the baby.....BUT by day 7 I was bawling my eyes out, nearly hiding DH under the bed so he wasn't forced to go home at 8pm and begging every doctor to let me go home I was so tired, had a womb infection etc. DH had to go back to work a few days later and I found night feeds so difficult - sometimes DH would get up and just change baby's nappy in between the feed to give me a break. I didn't even know maternity nurses existed at the time but it is something I would definitely consider if I were to have another baby. I would have been much more 'with it' in the day and I don't think DS would have been affected by me not feeding him at night as most of the time he would fall asleep on the bottle anyway! It would have also helped with my confidence and helped me to get the baby into some kind of routine as I was very unsure about things like this.

[happywheezer]

I would have loved a maternity nurse to help with DS2, almost more than anything in the world, especially after having a baby by section.
Good for those who can.
Lucky those who can afford it. In fact, most are not lucky, just probably hard working.
So YABU. Bitter you?!

[fraktious]

puss I've done bookings as short as 2 weeks, the usual is 6ish. You don't have to have them 24:6 either. Spare room is fine. Price depends on experience/qualifications but around £800 (gross) will get you a fairly decent one in the Midlands. A night nanny would be £100-150 for the night (again depending on experience).

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Personal choice, its no different than the thousands of SAHM's who use creches or nurseries yet dont work.