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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maternity nurses make me angry

87 replies

Jennytailia · 03/08/2011 06:56

Maybe its because im really tired from getting up at 5am with DD, or maybe its because im jealous.

I just feel like its cheating a bit to organise overnight help from the day your baby is born, to actually plan for and book a maternity nurse.

Surely you expect a certain amount of sleeplessness when you have a baby. And if you dont go through those tough times, how can you appreciate the good times and get to know your baby properly.

Sometimes it just feels like money can buy you anything.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 03/08/2011 09:36

YABVU. It's not maternity nurses who annoy you - it's the fact that you can't afford it and somebody else can.

Do bigger houses than yours make you angry? What about a more comfortable car?

HeatherSmall · 03/08/2011 09:36

Ah it's Jenny, wondered when you'd reappear this loon has been here before and talked a load of shite back then too

sproggaaaaah · 03/08/2011 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/08/2011 09:42

poor OP

the thing is that all people are strangers to a newborn, even their parents, yes? so the oooh a stranger how could you angle doesn't stack up

BsshBossh · 03/08/2011 09:47

YABU. If you can afford it then why not?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 03/08/2011 09:57

I feel your pain OP. DS is 7 weeks old now and I'm like a zombie most of the time.

Honestly though, if I had the kind of money that say, the Beckhams do, I'd do as they have and phoned in the hired help! Without an ounce of guilt/shame. Why be a martyr? Sadly though I'm skint as skint can be so that isn't an option.

fraktious · 03/08/2011 10:01

Been one, would happily have had one, will seriously consider a trainee as an extra pair of hands for next DC depending on DHs deployments if nanny doesn't want to take it on.

I've worked with clients who've emergency booked me after CS complications, severe food poisoning, a death in the family, a prem baby following a house move. I've been pre-booked for an ELCS and the wife of a professional sportsman who had the audacity to have her baby mid-season when her husband couldn't help out and had no family.

The tough times do not make you automatically appreciate the good times, sometimes they just make you suicidally depressed.

VeronicaCake · 03/08/2011 10:14

YABtotallyU. It is not cheating to have help - it is sensible. And having an extra pair of hands around at night makes enormous sense to me. It wasn't feeding my daughter every two hours through the night that tired me out, it was the fact that she didn't feed to sleep until she was nearly 4m old. For the first four months every time we needed her to go back to sleep DH or I had to bounce on a birthing ball for 15-20mins until she was soundly off. If someone had come along to do the bouncing and snuggling so that I could get more than 1hr unbroken sleep I'd have bitten their hand off.

TheRealTillyMinto · 03/08/2011 10:28

i run my own business. it is long hours and lots of pressure. maternity leave wont be an option. i'll have to get back to work as quick as humanly possible. i employ people and if we dont make enough money i will have to make someone redundant. i dont want to do that. being realistic i will need as much help as possible. my mum is quite old and i dont want to take her help for granted. so i have about £70K alloted for as much help as it takes.

is it a perfect solution? of course not. it is just me doing the best i can. i am happy with it & dont care if someone else does like it!

buttonmoon78 · 03/08/2011 10:31

Interesting to hear it from a pro's point of view fraktious.

And I still think YABU OP.

Bonsoir · 03/08/2011 10:33

Having a maternity nurse is not "cheating". However, I personally didn't want any help with my baby when she was born. What I wanted (and got, lucky me) was for all household chores to be taken care of and meals made, so that I could focus 100% on my own recovery while caring 100% for my baby.

Lovesicecream · 03/08/2011 10:33

pozzled that sounds like me this morning!

Dp " the baby has rolled over look!"

Me " he's been up every hour"

I'm shattered, I can barely think, have all day morning sickness and would kill for 8 hours uninterrupted sleep! Wish I could afford a maternity nurse!

thursday · 03/08/2011 10:52

meh, each to their own but it's not something i'd ever have. my babies were both nocturnal for the first few weeks. if i'd paid someone else to do nights for me i'd just have had a sleeping baby most of the time i saw them.

superv1xen · 03/08/2011 10:54

jealous, not angry :o i'd have had one in a shot when my dc were tiny. if we could have afforded it!

wordfactory · 03/08/2011 10:55

Cheating?
Cheating who?

UntamedShrew · 03/08/2011 10:59

YABU and what bag of holly said.

If I hadn't had one with my DTs for the first 3 weeks, I would not have ever managed to breastfeed them as hospital were so clueless about feeding one baby, never mind 2 at once. I fed for 11 months and it is totally thanks to her sitting with me at every feed to get me through the pain of 2 badly damaged (thank you, hospital) nipples. It was not easy for us to find the money but it was easily the best money we ever spent.

I can sympathise with you feeling jealous though, I had lots of friends whose babies were sleeping through at a month old and because the boys were so small we had 4 months of getting up a lot at night.

Just don't take it out on those of us who 'cheated'!

Sidge · 03/08/2011 11:01

I'd love a maternity nurse.

Can I have one now? DDs are 12, 7 and 4 Grin

Touch of green eyed monster methinks, OP...

Catslikehats · 03/08/2011 11:07

I was also wondering who I could be possibly cheating? You mean cheating myself? I certainly didn't feel cheated...

annieother · 03/08/2011 11:35

YABU. I had a night nanny when DS was two weeks old and I was diagnosed with shingles. Without her (paid for) help that no one else could give us (DH was looking after me and other family far away), I don't know what we would have done or how it would have ended up. I do not consider myself a cheat.

annieother · 03/08/2011 11:39

You've made me cry thinking back to how tough it was. DH had no paternity leave, my mum is two hours away. The night nanny was so lovely and taught me so much about babies - particularly about breast feeding and helped get DS back to his birth weight. She made me feel much more confident during a dreadful time.

alistron1 · 03/08/2011 11:43

My cousin had one when she had her 3rd kid. She had really bad SPD, a c-section and 2 boisterous toddlers. IMHO (if they're not already) maternity nurses should be available in some situations on the NHS.

In life, if there is something you can afford to make life easier people should go for it. Otherwise we might as well be doing our washing on rocks in rivers or summat.

DrGruntFotter · 03/08/2011 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kenobi · 03/08/2011 12:33

Surely you expect a certain amount of sleeplessness when you have a baby. And if you dont go through those tough times, how can you appreciate the good times

You are so right. I can totally see how a couple of weeks of a maternity nurse can mean that you never bond with the baby. I mean, if you get any sleep at all in those first couple of weeks, you've failed, haven't you? The next 18 years mean NOTHING at all really.

I had a maternity nurse. I had an 4-day long labour and an EMCS, and I think probably post-natal psychosis (I thought DD had been taken over by evil spirits). It took 10 days for DD to breast feed, and the only reason she did was because the MN knew every trick in the book to get her to do so. And I did every feed via breast feeding.

I was fucking glad she was there to help, and I'd do it again. Even if the first few weeks hadn't been so terrifying, I still reckon I would have been fucking glad. I saved up for her over the 9 months I was pregnant and it was money well spent. I am not even slightly ashamed about doing it, and I knew I wasn't having twins or anything that might justify it in some people's eyes. I know am lucky I could afford it, but that's how I feel - grateful ? not embarrassed or that I was 'cheating' (which as many other PPs have pointed out, is a MAD way of looking at it).

The only bad bit was I was absolutely terrified when she left, but fortunately the PNP had lifted by then and I could see a way through it all. Plus of course the MN had shown me brilliant ways of doing everything so I felt mildly competent. Only mildly, mind you Grin

And I've spent plenty of time missing sleep. DD is now 20 months old and has just started sleeping through the night. Does that make me less of a 'cheat'? Grin

4madboys · 03/08/2011 12:55

totally unreasonable!!

mine were all bfed when tiny but god once they were a bit older, say 9mths or so i would have KILLED for a night nanny to give me a break.

infact no 5, dd is almost 8mths now, doesnt feed in the night but will only sleep swaddled and as she is so wriggly i am having to reswaddle her about 5 times a night and stick the dummy back in etc, my dp works long hours and is away for a week from saturday and i have four other kids to look after, so quie frankly i would LOVE one for next week?!! any offers, i can offer you a bed and food and maybe chuck in £50....

OTheHugeManatee · 03/08/2011 13:18

YABU. If you can afford help, And want help, what's wrong with getting help? Feeling angry about other people doing this is just envy.

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