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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be getting married in secret.

60 replies

thebird · 08/07/2011 18:53

DP and I have been together for 10 years and have 2 DCs. We have always wanted to get married but for various reasons (mainly money) we have not. We have decided now the time is right and we are getting married while on holiday in a few weeks with just us and the DCs.

We haven't told anyone for fear it will turn into a circus with family and friends wanting to join us. DPs parents are divorced and dont speak so that would be really awkward and my parents live abroad and it would be a huge expense for them to join us.

Just wanted some advice from anyone out there who has done the same.

OP posts:
MadYoungCatLady · 08/07/2011 18:55

I haven't done it but just wanted to say good luck and congratulations for a few weeks time! :)

Original poster
thebird · 08/07/2011 18:56

Ahhh Thanks MadYoungCatLady :)

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/07/2011 18:56

Admit it, you just don't want to see anyone enjoying themselves at your expense do you Grin

cuttingpicassostoenails · 08/07/2011 18:56

We didn't do it but wished we had. Have a lovely day and remember, the wedding is just a wedding...it's the marriage that's important. I bet your DC's love it!

Original poster
thebird · 08/07/2011 18:58

Well like I said money is tight and no I dont relish the idea of taking out a small mortgage to provide a days entertainment for everyone!

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/07/2011 19:00

I knew it! Wink

mrsbiscuits · 08/07/2011 19:00

We did . Las Vegas. Just us 2. Told the family 2 weeks before we flew out and it was brilliant . Going back for our 10th anniversary next year Smile

Carrotsandcelery · 08/07/2011 19:00

YANBU. I wish we had done something similar. I think it sounds great fun - it will be very exciting for your dcs to be involved in your secret special day. Congratulations!

Lunabelly · 08/07/2011 19:03

YANBU. Proper romantic :)

Congratulations and have a wonderful, wonderful day x

Original poster
thebird · 08/07/2011 19:04

So far we have managed to keep it secret from DCs and will tell them when we get there. Otherwise there is no chance of them keeping it a secret! They will be so excited:)

Just wondered if we should tell family a few days before to avoid any upset or just keep hush until the deed is done?

OP posts:
rocketeer · 08/07/2011 19:04

Do it Do it Do it! We got married when ds1 was 12 weeks old, on Christmas Eve with only my sister, bil and their son there. My family were absolutely fine with it, mil still moans about it now, 8 years on.....!

GreenTeapot · 08/07/2011 19:04

YANBU. I haven't done it but love the idea of it, and I know someone who got married that way last year. As she said afterwards, those who had a problem with it could get stuffed Grin

Have a fab holiday and a perfect wedding!

catgirl1976 · 08/07/2011 19:05

We did it in Vegas. Told people so didnt do it in secret, and although we had my parents, brother, sister and 2 close friends there with us we knew going aborad would mean our wedding could be about US - not the seating plan or 17 cousins or what colour the napkins should be.

IT WAS BRILLIANT! Stress free and so personal.

Totally recommend it and wish all the luck and happiness in the world

pranma · 08/07/2011 19:05

Go for it and many congratulations-hope you all have a wonderful day.

ENormaSnob · 08/07/2011 19:07

We did this.

Don't regret it at all.

CadleCrap · 08/07/2011 19:09

As others have said, it's the marraige that is important. Have a lovely day.Smile

DogsBestFriend · 08/07/2011 19:09

Done that, and for the same reasons - divorced parents not speaking, my mother turning it into a circus/drama and so on.

No regrets about the choice of wedding whatsoever... just about the choice of (now ex) husband. :o

LineRunner · 08/07/2011 19:12

Go for it.

Best wishes.

floosiemcwoosie · 08/07/2011 19:14

no dont tell anyone until you have done it, You dont want any hassle before you go

enjoy...we are going to do the same thing

RedRosie · 08/07/2011 19:25

We did this - just the two of us and two witnesses pretty much off the street. Registrar took the only picture.

Beforehand the only people we told were the DSCs (who had a right to know) and their mum (DH's ex-wife). We told everyone else afterwards.

Do it. We wanted a marriage but not a wedding and it was lovely. Just right.

supadupapupascupa · 08/07/2011 19:27

I'm glad you are including the DCs.

My mum got married twice without inviting any of us 4.
Not very nice at all.

Have a lovely time Smile I think it's a great idea

ledkr · 08/07/2011 19:32

Massive piece of advice for you, DO NOT TELL A SOLE we had ours booked for xmas eve,just us and dd and 2 witnesses,dh got cold feet at the last minute and told his mum and dad who then insisted on coming Shock this then put me in a very difficult position,had to ask my folks both with new partners and then my boys couldnt get the time of work,i am still upset about it 3 yrs later. Have a lovely day.

nomadwantshome · 08/07/2011 19:33

Op we are in exactly the same situation. I hate the idea of having a big white wedding and after 11 years an 2 dcs plus me being 42, it would seem slightly ridiculous. My parents are divorced and I don't get on with my dad anymore so it'd be a real pain in the backside.

We are just having in laws as they are close by and have been fantastically supportive oveer the last turbulent 6 years.

We are just doing a registry office, meal after and then me and dp will be going away for a few days to a hotel spa.

Original poster
thebird · 08/07/2011 19:35

Thank you for all your lovely messages. Its so nice to be able to share the secret!
Im sure we are doing the right thing because its what we both want and its all about us and our DCs which is most important. I'm just hoping our families see that too x

OP posts:
mrsbiscuits · 08/07/2011 19:35

Just to say we only told people just before we went because it was Vegas and we knew none of them would be able to go, if there is any chance that anyone you don't want might choose to show up then, I agree, don't tell a soul.