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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wanting to take DD on holiday without me?

90 replies

LharlieandCola · 20/06/2011 20:29

DD is 2. (D)P wants to take her on a short (3 day) trip to France next month, to visit his family. I can't go, as I will be working. I feel uncomfortable with this, as
a) I am normally SAHM, and I worry that both I will miss her and she will miss me.
b) It means her going on a plane without me, and am irrationally nervous
c) Was looking forward to swopping roles for a few days, so he can see what it's like being at home full time - not jetting off on hols, where there will be lots of help.
d) Am not the biggest fan of (D)P's family - there have been issues in the past, and feel a bit envious of them all having fun whilst I stay home and work.
He says IABU - am I?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 20/06/2011 20:31

well.... think how you;d feel if it was the other way round.,
if you would want to be able to take her to visit your family for a few days while he worked then it's reasonable for him to take her to his family isn't it?

i am sure there will be plenty of opportunity for you to "swap roles" in the coming years... that's not really a very good excuse for her missing out on seeing her grandparents is it?

so, yes, I think yabu. it's only 3 days!

thisisyesterday · 20/06/2011 20:32

p.s that isn't to say that i don't understand how you feel... i really do! I am sure I would feel very nervous and worried if DP wanted to take my 2 yr old off for a few days.

so you are not being unreasonable for feeling uncomfortable about it, but yabu if you're trying to stop him doing it

Pumpernickel10 · 20/06/2011 20:34

I agree YABU I doubt your DP would be worried if you took your DC to your family for 3 days

hairylights · 20/06/2011 20:34

Yabu. You can't stop him and you have to allow their special relationship as well as his. You'll miss each other, but you'll live.

redskyatnight · 20/06/2011 20:34

YABU - he's her father, it's a short visit. DH often take the DC to his parents without me (and I appreciate the break Grin .

TakeMeDrunkImHome · 20/06/2011 20:34

Yes you are being U BUT with very good reason. I would be so nervous and creating all kinds of silly panicky scenarios in my head too! Seriously though, she will be absolutely fine and as thisisyesterday says, there will be a time when you can swap roles. Don't let her miss out on seeing her family, even if you have problems with them, don't let that cloud what may be a lovely short hol for her. You know she will more than likely have an excellent time and tbh you may enjoy the break, although your working, presumably you will have your evenings free to do what you want and you may enjoy it. Best of luck.

GypsyMoth · 20/06/2011 20:35

good god,yes you ARE being unreasonable!!!
you dont own the child,she's not your possesion.......it sounds all about you and what you want/dont want....

madhousewife · 20/06/2011 20:38

I totally understand how you feel. I have a hard time being away from my DC because I worry that no one cares about them as much as I do - and if they are upset or scared I want to be there for them b/c I know what's best for them. And that's a mother's right as well as her burden so YANBU you are just feeling totally normal biological feelings. But as long as you think your DD will have a good time and will be looked after by your DP then try to enjoy a bit of time for yourself. But you have my understanding. xx

Original poster
LharlieandCola · 20/06/2011 21:11

Thanks everyone - looks like he's right and I'm wrong. I don't want to stop her having fun and am keen for her to have a good relationship with her extended family. Of course I don't think she's my possession Tiffany - I just feel a bit apprehensive - two seems really young to go away without the person who's normally with her 24/7. Guess I shall just have to grin and bear it though. Thanks for the advice x

OP posts:
JIRkids · 20/06/2011 21:20

Completely get where you are coming from but

YABU - It's not a holiday he is visiting his parents. As they don't live nearby you can't blame him for wanting to take the chance. Also, surely it saves you from going too and seeing the dreaded in laws!!!

Plus, he will be the one in sole charge of your daughter so he will still have to do most of the stuff you would normally have to do.

AmberLeaf · 20/06/2011 21:20

YABU he is her father.

allnewtaketwo · 20/06/2011 21:23

You are being hugely unreasonable. Btw please don't pass your anxiety onto your child about her going - you will spoil what could be a really nice trip for her

"Was looking forward to swopping roles for a few days, so he can see what it's like being at home full time - not jetting off on hols, where there will be lots of help." - so basically you wanted him to find it really hard for a few days, what, to make yourself feel better?

magicmummy1 · 20/06/2011 21:26

As others have said, it's understandable that you might feel that way, but yab a bit u. He's her dad, he's taking her to see her grandparents, she'll be fine!

FabbyChic · 20/06/2011 21:27

He is her father and should be allowed to take her, in fact he does not need your permission, you should never make a child that dependent upon you that they cannot be with their other parent.

AuntiePickleBottom · 20/06/2011 21:38

yabu, he is her father and has every right to take her on hoilday.

Original poster
LharlieandCola · 20/06/2011 21:40

Allnew/Fabby - I have no intention of "passing on anxieties" to her or making her dependent on me - if they go, which I think they will, I shall be nothing but excited for her - and I will be thrilled when she comes home having had a lovely time. And no, I didn't want him to stay home with her to "make myself feel better" - just thought it would be good for him to be at home for a few days and see what it's like (not in a nasty way). I think that's probably fairly common amongst SAHMs (or Dads). Anyway, like I said, thanks for the advice. This is yesterday, Madhousewife and Takemedrunk seem to have hit the nail on the head - appreciate it x

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 20/06/2011 21:50

Unfortunately I think that you might get a hard time as people just read the first post and not the rest! It will be hard, but you are doing the right thing.

GypsyMoth · 20/06/2011 21:51

who looks after her while you are at work?

Groovee · 20/06/2011 21:51

My dh only admitted after I took the children away for a few days that he'd been concerned but it worked out fine and we'd do it again.

Original poster
LharlieandCola · 20/06/2011 22:39

I do not work at the moment Tiffany, so have looked after her 24/7 myself up until now - DP does his bit too, but is away a lot with his work, so usually it's just her and me. The few days work I have coming up next month are a freelance project and will be the first work I have done since she was born. If that matters.

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 20/06/2011 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LharlieandCola · 20/06/2011 23:04

Thanks Dandy, yes, you and (some of) the others are right. That's what I will do. Better dig her passport out! Thanks x

OP posts:
Morloth · 20/06/2011 23:05

See if he can take her for a little longer so you get a day to lie in, have a coffee, read a book etc.

Good for both of you.

cat64 · 20/06/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

heleninahandcart · 21/06/2011 00:16

YABU which is natural and because

DD will be fine as per other posters

DP will still discover quite a few things about parenting DD in his own special way - check in, departure lounge, sitting still for take off, etc etc.

You will miss her like crazy but you will have lovely time for yourself. You can do exactly what you want, when you want, as many times as you want.

Try to relax and enjoy your time