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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP wanting to take DD on holiday without me?

90 replies

LharlieandCola · 20/06/2011 20:29

DD is 2. (D)P wants to take her on a short (3 day) trip to France next month, to visit his family. I can't go, as I will be working. I feel uncomfortable with this, as
a) I am normally SAHM, and I worry that both I will miss her and she will miss me.
b) It means her going on a plane without me, and am irrationally nervous
c) Was looking forward to swopping roles for a few days, so he can see what it's like being at home full time - not jetting off on hols, where there will be lots of help.
d) Am not the biggest fan of (D)P's family - there have been issues in the past, and feel a bit envious of them all having fun whilst I stay home and work.
He says IABU - am I?

OP posts:

HerHissyness · 21/06/2011 14:35

but if DD was not as comfortable without mummy, then tbh, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if DP had to deal with it.

DD will be FINE, sure she may take longer to settle, but she also may be tired out by all the things to do, so may go out like a light.

Tell your DP any tips you may have to help - that'll help YOU feel he is better armed, but he has to do it!

diddl · 21/06/2011 14:36

"It does sound to me that he knows he is going to struggle looking after dd while you work so is going to visit family who will take over and he will get 3 days off ."

That does sound possible, doesn´t it?

Is it really PFB to not want a two year old to go away from you for three days?

Original poster

LharlieandCola · 21/06/2011 14:36

Thanks for the badge - and the explanation HH! Yes, she is my first, so of course I am concerned. Maybe if I manage to produce another few, I'll be less bothered about them - and begging someone (anyone) to take them away - who knows?!

OP posts:

travellingwilbury · 21/06/2011 14:37

Is there any way you can have a trial run first ? You get to go out all day including putting her to bed and see how it goes ?

I am sure she will be fine by the way , no doubt she will get spoilt rotten and be delighted with the trip but maybe it would make you feel better .

I take my boys to France every year without my dh for a week and I think my youngest was 2 the first yr . He did miss his dad probably a wee bit more than he does now he is older but he had a great time .

Original poster

LharlieandCola · 21/06/2011 14:43

Nope, I wouldn't have thought so diddl, (now that I know what it means [proud]), but it appears that we are in a minority...

OP posts:

Original poster

LharlieandCola · 21/06/2011 14:44

Yes, that's a good idea travelling - thanks for the advice. Yes, understand your pain re ferries...bleurgh...good luck!

OP posts:

Oblomov · 21/06/2011 15:07

Dh took ds1(7) and ds2(2.5) to Nanny Seasides for the weekend, a few weeks ago. Without me. they had the fabbest time. I'm sure your dd will too.

belgo · 21/06/2011 15:16

Totally understand how you feel.

I would probably say no as well, and ask him to wait another year by which time you will be desperate for some time off.

diddl · 21/06/2011 16:26

TBH, if I´d been a SAHM for 2yrs & then at the first chance of looking after his daughter husband decides to take her off to rellies, I´d be quite pissed off.

If he´s staying with them, chances are he won´t be looking after himself, let alone her!

If it´s the only option, then fine, that´s the way it has to be, but if not, I don´t see why OPs feelings shouldn´t also come into it.

minipie · 21/06/2011 16:44

YABU

but

I don't understand why you can't go too?
as wilbury says it would be a good idea to have some "practice runs" where DH looks after her all day. (Good idea for all sorts of reasons anyway).

cat64 · 21/06/2011 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RunAwayWife · 21/06/2011 19:44

You are being very unreasonable as she is his child too and he should not have to ask you for permission to take his child somewhere.
Also if you are a SAHM why can't you go, you say you are working so you are not really a SAHM .

Also why should he not have lots of help if he takes her to visit family, and how would you feel if it was the other way round.

Your a parent, time to grow up

diddl · 21/06/2011 19:55

Yes I can see how if he is taking holiday it makes sense to combine.

Just seems odd to me that they could have been before-& he picks a time when his wife can´t go!

CurrySpice · 21/06/2011 20:01

To be fair, OP your OP wasn't all about your DD's feelings (only one part was - that she might miss you) but the others (the plane fear, the you missing her, the problems with the ILs, the wanting to prove a point to your DH) were about your feelings so you've shifted a bit on that! :o

Your DH is your DD's parent as much as you are. It is not a competition to see who is loved more!

Wave them off with a cheery smile, enjoy your grown-up 3 days and welcome them home (also safe in the knowledge that he has the nightmare of entertaining a toddler on a plane :o)

Allinabinbag · 21/06/2011 20:27

I can't believe anyone things taking a two year old on a plane/other transport and looking after them in front of rellies is an 'easy option', it would be my least favourite and most stressful thing to do. If your husband is up for it, I think that's great. Plus all these people saying a two year old can't do without their primary carer, many dads are divorced and have to look after their children all by themselves on the weekend, and there has to be a first time. I think it's right to be worried, but a bit precious to stop them going. Even worse, I suspect they may get on just fine, mine did when I went away for over a week when my youngest was about a year and oldest three, I was most disappointed they managed so well without me!

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