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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dp won't get divorced

93 replies

gkys · 29/05/2011 08:50

dp and I have been together for 7 years, we have three beautiful DS, he has been sperated from his wife since 2000 (before I met him) yet he is still reluctent to get a divorce, he says that she cost him enough during the marriage and seperation (not a legal seperation btw) and so won't spend another penny on her.

I really think that its time he got his divorce sorted AIBU

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 29/05/2011 08:52

Does he have any children or any further financial implications from his marriage? If not you can do a DIY divorce very cheaply which is what DH did.

dawntigga · 29/05/2011 08:53

Try here cheapest place I know to get a divorce - offer to pay for it yourself. If he STILL doesn't want to get divorced there's more going on than just a reluctance to divorce imo.

HappilyDivorcedThankYouTiggaxx

troisgarcons · 29/05/2011 08:54

If he dies, and there is no legal separation in place - she cops the lot (assuming he hasnt made a will).

Is there a reason why they haven't got round to divorcing?

Kewcumber · 29/05/2011 08:55

I can;t imagine that he would be expected to pay more to her n a divorce than she has been getting fr the past 7 years Confused Unless he has children he isn't supporting?

CeliaFate · 29/05/2011 08:55

Yanbu. That's weird. I understand the financail implications, but after 7 years surely it's a non-contested divorce? Ask at the Citizens' Advice Bureau, or try here

Wamster · 29/05/2011 08:56

If he is committed to you and your children, he needs to get divorced. I obviously do not know ins-and-outs of financial/legal matters, but you could find yourself in hot water as she is still legally his wife and you are a cohabitee.

AmandaCooper · 29/05/2011 08:56

Your dp ibu to not at least look into how much it would actually cost.

troisgarcons · 29/05/2011 08:57

I have a friend who has a nisi but not an absolute. She refuses to sign the absolute until he sorts out his finances. He has gone on to have a child with another woman.

Original poster
gkys · 29/05/2011 09:03

he has no other children, they have no finances to sort out, they lead totally seperate lives,

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 29/05/2011 09:08

Odd - mind you my DH and his ex had been split 4 years befire we met. Never got round to divorcing. They reamianed 'friends', well friendly as they moved in the same social circle. I think he was her security blanket - I always felt she thought she could walk back into his life and pick up where she left off.

She certainly didn't like me Smile but then I won't be second best. It was either divorce her and marry me coz I'm not having children out of wedlock with anyone! However it was the fact I pointed out that she would remain legally his next of kin and cop the lot if he fell under a bus ..... so he divorced her and she really was not a happy bunny!

fivegomadindorset · 29/05/2011 09:11

YOu do really need to impress upon him the financail implications for you and your child if he dies without a will and without divorcing her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/05/2011 09:11

tbh i would wonder why he deosnt want to get a divorce from her and marry you, esp as you have 3 kids together

Reality · 29/05/2011 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenEyesandHam · 29/05/2011 09:15

Do your children know that their dad is married to another woman? I realise they're young now, but will they know as they get older?

That could be quite weird Confused

MonstaMunch · 29/05/2011 09:30

lol sounds like he just doesnt want to marry you - or get married again

Truckrelented · 29/05/2011 09:35

Unless he gets divorced and a clean break consent order the financial side of things between him and his ex is still up in the air.

In other words he or she could still get money from the other.

Tee2072 · 29/05/2011 09:35

I think he's got his cake and eating it too.

Divorce can cost nearly nothing. He just doesn't want to marry you. Or something.

Original poster
gkys · 29/05/2011 09:38

its the falling under the bus thing that bothers me Grin we aren't planning to get married so it can't be that thats bothering him can it Wink i guess its possible that he thinks I would drag him down to the local registry office by his ear Grin he should be so lucky.

may just have to resort to with holding privilages until he agrees Grin

OP posts:
CoffeeDodger · 29/05/2011 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pedallleur · 29/05/2011 09:43

they may lead seperate lives but in law they are still married. Has he got a will from either relationship? Unless he has made a will since seperation that names you and/or the children as the next of kin, he would die intestate (no will) which means all his accounts would be shut down until his affairs are legally sorted. As his official next of kin his wife (and that's what she is in the eyes of the law) would be the immediate beneficiary. You should spend a few mins with a solicitor to understand that in the event of his death that having no will or not having made a new will naming you as next of kin could result in a messy legal battle with the law being on the wife's side.

TheCrackFox · 29/05/2011 09:53

Has he got a will?

Original poster
gkys · 29/05/2011 10:32

you know i don't know, but I tell yiou what you have raised some really good points, am turning up the pressure from now on. I had never even concidered that it could be an issue for the children Blush as they got older

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 29/05/2011 10:32

He doesnt need a solicitor he can do it himself via the County Court costs around £130.00.

atswimtwolengths · 29/05/2011 10:42

Why did you have children with him when he wasn't divorced? If the first one was a surprise baby, why did you go on to have two more children with him, knowing he was married to another woman?

Serenitysutton · 29/05/2011 10:45

Withholding "privilages" is just really childish.

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