to be bored with myself and to want to become a Jilly Cooper character for the winter?

[BalloonSlayer]

I want to sit in front of a fire of apple logs, wearing only a Dark Blue towel.

I want a rosy-cheeked face which I have to tone down with green foundation, instead of looking like a corpse unless I put on loads of blusher.

I want to drink three quarters of a bottle of Moet before doing ANYTHING. (Including: getting up in the morning or taking an important exam.)

I want an Absolutely Filthy Mini instead of a people carrier.

I want DH to do thumb exercises so that the ball of his thumb becomes pudgy because apparently that's sexy or something .

I want to lose loads and loads of weight every time I am a bit sad about something, so that everyone who thought I was a minger before is suddenly struck by my beauty, instead of eating cakes to cheer myself up and getting fatter.

AIBU?

Tribpot do you reckon she'd have them monogrammed - they'd need to be bath sheets with all her various initials.

Loving this thread!

Can I ask what an old-fashioned look is, and why only dogs can give one?

Rivals is probably my favourite - I modelled myself on Caitlin for an excruciating term or so.

Why did the names change though? In the original edition it was Tony Bullingham, and then suddenly he became Baddingham in the reprint.

Hated Wicked - all that pre-pubescent sex and people finding life partners at 13 was just ick.

mmmm, beans on toast cooked by Luke

or just, mmmm, Luke

I remember Rannaldini had dark green plates, on which he served lobster risotto to Helen.

Coloured plates . I would have thought Jilly wuld have considered that Infra Dig. Is a bit Matalan, innit?

i have just finished riders, it is far and away the best and i heart billy lloyd foxe very much indeed :)

yes, surely, coloured plates are as ghastly as fitted carpets?

Mind you Rannaldini was Foreign and Diabolical so perhaps lapses in taste were to be expected

didn't he also talk openly about money?

We answered the Bullingham / Baddingham query on an earlier thread - will see if I can find it.

And, yes, I checked. Daisy's towel was dark green on the above occasion. Same colour as Drew's absolutely filthy mini...

Think Bullingham was used in the original hardback but had to be changed to Baddingham for by the paperback edition as there was a Lord Bullingham who was not impressed at being likened to Tony so may have threatened to sue

Nah, not nearly enough puns.

Hmm... See it's not bad as generic bonkbuster fiction. But I don't feel you've truly captured Jilly. There's a spirit and an earthiness missing from the characters. And a lot of humour.

He'd probably just have fucked her on the floor in front of the fire. Our heroine would definitely have a drink (or two) on the way out to the party. And I suspect she'd have given him a blowjob in the car (which would be filthy and filled with bridles) on the way - leading to a pun about, oh... something needing pumping up perhaps?

Also not enough animals. There'd be at least one dog and lots of doghair in the bed and she'd probably trip over a cat as she ran out of the door waving to the ponies - requiring a pun about... horsehair, perhaps?

Overall 3.5 / 5. Nice try, but more research needed.

Awww...this thread is as comforting as a jacket potato from the Aga after a cold day's hunting....

I would be Daisy MacLeod/ France-Lynch. Utterly, utterly ravishing yet downtrodden, with my breasts escaping from my inadequate clothing as I bend over my painting,like glorious squirming puppies (except that, as I am still breastfeeding, in Jillyland they would be grey and triangular).

Will the knee-tremblingly handsome polo player who is going to Utterly Understand and yearn to protect me as I am like a brave and tremulous little dog doing her best to protect her framily please hurry up and make an appearance?

Ahem. Family. Sorry, got a bit overexcited by LeQueen's post. You need to include the dogs jumping into bed with the copulating couple for true authenticity though, LeQueen.

Yes very good LeQ but something has to go wrong.

This something could be:

• the dog or cat has eaten something delicious and important the heroine has cooked and put in the larder. Luckily she has some smoked salmon and a box of eggs . . .

• the heroine - oh how adorably ditzy she is! - hasn't washed out the silver cleaning solution from the brandy decanter thoroughly enough so they both retch and choke on their first mouthful of brandy. Then how they laugh!

• the emerald silk dress would be too tight for the heroine who is "always falling behind on her diets" and will split during the party leaving her stark naked in Tabitha's drawing room. Every husband in the room is gripped by ardent desire, naturally, and every wife has a cat's bum mouth.

LeQueen, no offence, I know you're terribly good at lots of things, but this is a specific author with a very distinct and much-loved voice and you really need to actually go and READ some of her work, before you try and parody it...

(parody n. = A literary or artistic work that imitates the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule)

"Ardent Stallyn" = no no no