to be bored with myself and to want to become a Jilly Cooper character for the winter?

[BalloonSlayer]

I want to sit in front of a fire of apple logs, wearing only a Dark Blue towel.

I want a rosy-cheeked face which I have to tone down with green foundation, instead of looking like a corpse unless I put on loads of blusher.

I want to drink three quarters of a bottle of Moet before doing ANYTHING. (Including: getting up in the morning or taking an important exam.)

I want an Absolutely Filthy Mini instead of a people carrier.

I want DH to do thumb exercises so that the ball of his thumb becomes pudgy because apparently that's sexy or something .

I want to lose loads and loads of weight every time I am a bit sad about something, so that everyone who thought I was a minger before is suddenly struck by my beauty, instead of eating cakes to cheer myself up and getting fatter.

AIBU?

me too - taggy i think

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I love Jilly so much. I want to slosh wine into glasses, play nude tennis with RCB and quote poetry in every conversation. cue blank looking playground mums

Yes me too.

I was always more of a Janey than a Helen anyway.....

I'll be your line judge Ivanta and measure how far he really is over the line

Oh Taggy yes!!!

bit cold today for nude tennis iykwim

do you type topless in the garden, notwavingjusthaunting?

God yes, whenever the fancy takes me

I like the very wicked Chessie France Lynch - shagged everyone and did nude backstroke in her pool whilst being ogled by the staff.

Where's Getorf - she will most definately have a view on this

And when I am ill, I won't have to wait for three hours in some bacteria ridden surgery, that nice Dr Benson will just happen to be passing on his way to/from a dinner party and will examine me, whilst wearing his dinner jacket, as I lie in my four-poster with its rose-pink curtains

"She has been making too much green tomato chutney" he will say, "She needs to rest and must eat nothing but smoked salmon and scrambled eggs for three days. And she needs another ash tray."

< sigh >

And your fridge will always be full of stuff you can just throw together for a meal.

And I want hair with tendrils.

Well I think I do . . .

Tagiie would have filled up my deep freeze with lovely food, and my "treasure" would have cleaned my minging house.

I want to walk down to the village shop (past hedgerows groaning with blackberries and Old Man's Beard) to buy quiche and Sancerre, instead of pushing a trolley past people I have never seen before in Sainsburys.

Nooo, you need "just got out of bed" hair that makes every red-blooded man in the vicinity want to shag you

Oh to be thoroughly over-excited!

And wander through the hedgerows on a hot summer's day, absently snapping off a bit of wild garlic, which makes you nostalgic....

(as opposed to getting run over by a 4 X 4/motorbike/tractor and breathing in toxic fumes

Gah, I haven't been thoroughly over-excited for years

And have a glass of wine on an empty stomach and feel "tight"

I think I'm like that hippy friend of Helens - the one who breastfed with triangular tits :(. My dh is nicer than hers though!

Oh to be drinking neat whisky out of a mug

Loving this - could do with being secretly tempted by dashing young males.
Having lots of children cavorting effortlessly around the house rather than them and me being glued to peppa pig.
Drinking to drown sorrows and forgetting to eat.

And I want a mobile phone that has a "receiver" I can "slam down."

Well no one's ever bought me a bottle of Quercus, that lemony perfume which slightly disturbs so many men...

I'm more Lizzie Jones than Taggie tbh

How lovely it would be to live in a romantic cottage, surrounded by sexy neighbours with loose morals, and to have a nanny - even if she was shagging dh and writing it in her diary in code!