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Adoption

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Original poster

A pregnancy following a recent adoption

83 replies

brainmish · 15/01/2009 22:24

OK- deep breath
We have recently adopted a 12 month old child. We are delighted with him and he is doing really well. Obviously I was so happy to have such a joy in our lives that,after years and years of infertility I got pregnant spontaneously the month he arrived with us. . I am still adjusting to the shock and trying to focus(through the fuzz of early pregnancy exhaustion) on our new delightful toddler. I have told very few people that I am pregnant. Fellow adopters will, I think, understand that I had reached a state of mind where adoption was THE way to have a child and had stopped feeling the constant pain of a lack of biological child. So I am finding the adjustment quite a challenge along with the decisions on ante-natal diagnosis etc.
For me there are so many issues but I would love to know if there is anyone else out there who has had a birth child soon after adopting a young child.
Thanks

OP posts:
fryalot · 15/01/2009 22:26

Hi, I'm sure someone with actual experience of this will come along soon, but from what I've heard, this is really, really common.

Congratulations on your new son and your pregnancy, there will be a nice age gap between them ( I have 14 months between my littlies)

FourArms · 15/01/2009 22:27

No experience, but congratulations That will be a fun age gap, but eventually very rewarding as they'll be so close in ages. The exhaustion of early pregnancy is absolutely amazing, so rest up as much as you can. It does pass. Best wishes to you all.

solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 15/01/2009 22:29

Well I was adopted as a baby and when I was 2 my mother fell PG (my parents had started procedures to adopt another baby but then cancelled them). As far as I'm concerned my brother is my brother, we did fine while growing up. People have asked sometimes if I ever felt we were treated 'diferently': only in the sense that he's a boy and I'm a girl and we are different people with different personalities.
COngratulations BTW, it will all be fine.

PheasantPlucker · 15/01/2009 22:33

I have no experience if this (had birth dd1 first, then adopted dd2 when dd1 was almost 5) but I remember the loveliest couple came in to the training sessions we had to attend. They were about 60 or so then. They were accompanied by their adoptive daughter, and they all talked about their joy at adopting their beautiful daughter - and the shock (and their worry) at finding the wife/mum was pregnant about 2 months later after years of infertility! All was well. They were a fab family.

Sorry that I don't have any personal experience, but just wanted to tell you that x

PheasantPlucker · 15/01/2009 22:34

PS This also happened to my Aunt/Godmother. And she had another baby after that!!!!

NewAmazingBeginning · 16/01/2009 14:10

This can happen quite a bit.

Enjoy!

Do you have any concerns?

KristinaM · 16/01/2009 14:58

brainmish - have you been granted an adoption on your oldest child? is this in a UK court? if not , when was the child placed with you and what is his current legal status?

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 16/01/2009 22:35

can I just point out that it really isn't that common to get pregnant accidentally after years of fertility treatment (regardless of whether you adopt or not).

I only point this out because it really used to get right up my nose the number of people who when I moved on to adoption said - OOoooh you'll get pregnant now!"

Ummm nope, I won't.

NewAmazingBeginning · 16/01/2009 22:37

No offence meant. I know of a few people it has happened too.

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 16/01/2009 22:42

no offence taken ! it isn't as common as people seem to think - I'm amazed you know several people who have had years of fertility treatment then spontaneously conceived later. More common n people who have unexplained infertility and have not tried IVF

brainmish - I can imagine I would beapprehenzive in your position. Also as Kristina asked is the adoption all through? That would be my biggest concern at this stage otherwise.

bran · 16/01/2009 22:45

You too Kew? Honestly, I can't count the number of people who said "I bet you're pregnant within a year" when we were adopting DS. I used to do the look and leave a silence just long enough to be slightly embarassing.

Congratulations Brainmish. I have recently met a family who have a two year age gap between an adopted child and a birth child and they are very happy and both children are well adjusted.

Have you actually adopted your DS yet. I am more than usually cynical about social services for a number of reasons and if I were in you position I would wait until the court had granted the final adoption thingy before mentioning to SS that I was pregnant if it was at all possible. At the very least I would make sure that the application to the court and all the paperwork was in before letting them know.

Issy · 16/01/2009 22:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

pasturesnew · 16/01/2009 22:53

Congratulations, I have a close friend who is 12 months younger than her adopted sister and they are so close, people who meet them don't know they're not biological siblings even though one is South East Asian and one is Caucasian! They do things like arrive entirely separately at the same party with different colours of the same top on which they had bought entirely independently.

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

Milliways · 16/01/2009 22:58

Congratulations.
My best friend was the biological child of a family who had 2 boys, then adopted 2 girls, then had my friend One large happy family.

Undercoverofdarkness · 16/01/2009 23:12

I don't have direct experience of this but my MIL did. My dh was adopted as a tiny baby and his sister was born less than a year later.

Good luck with the pregnancy.

Undercoverofdarkness · 16/01/2009 23:12

I don't have direct experience of this but my MIL did. My dh was adopted as a tiny baby and his sister was born less than a year later.

Good luck with the pregnancy.

Undercoverofdarkness · 16/01/2009 23:12
Blush
Lotster · 17/01/2009 00:07

No experience of this but just wanted to say how tiring I have found being pregnant and having a toddler, so be prepared to give yourself and him a break when the tiredness and irritability kicks in

Congratulations and lots of luck.

moondog · 17/01/2009 00:09

I know someone who adopted 5 children and then had 2 babies well into her 40s (they'd been married for over 20 years!)

Congratulations.You are doubly blessed!

NewAmazingBeginning · 17/01/2009 08:38

Kew - I have got your point wrong. I know people who have adopted and then conceived but don't know their medical histories. This is also over a number of years.

PheasantPlucker · 17/01/2009 12:21

I was trying only to say the OP was not the only one this had happened to - just trying to be reassuring, not to upset anyone. I was aware of a similar situation, as I said, due to the training we did and the family who came along to talk to us all one week.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

I also had the 'you will be pregnant soon' after we adopted dd2. My answer was always, 'I sincerely doubt it, and I bloody well hope not....'.

tootyflooty · 17/01/2009 12:35

congratulations, not a situation i have been in, but you are doubly blest. the age gap is very common, my sil fell pregnant 3 months after giving birth, as did one of my friends,
it will be hard work on a practical level as it is for any one with little ones,I'm sure you will make a lovely little family. good luck

Original poster
brainmish · 18/01/2009 02:05

thanks for all the encouragement which, at this stage is exactly what I need.

Our adoption is not yet complete. We need post-placement reports up to end of MArch when I shall be 22 weeks pregnant. I can't think I won't be enormous then and feel I should tell our social worker -( who is lovely) but i can't really even say the words- I am pregnant - yet so need to adjust myself before I can start explaining to others.

I, too heard the ' oh you'll get pregnant as soon as you adopt' so many times and just thought- well I don't care as I will have my child and never replied with any comment thinking it was a stupid comment. not scientific and that's where I come from!!

OP posts:
solo · 18/01/2009 02:15

Congratulations! on both your new toddler and your pg
My best friend during my teens was conceived naturally after her parents adopted a child. She had tried for many years to become pg(during the 60's ~ so no IVF)and when she'd adopted Dd1 fell pg. Adopted a further two Dc's too after her natural daughter

KristinaM · 18/01/2009 14:45

hi brainmish

you say that your son is recently placed and that your adoption is not yet complete. so by my rough guess he was placed in October and you conceived immediatly?

i am asking as i am extremely concerned that SS may not view your pg as positively as you do. If i were you i would want to get some legal advice before deciding what to do next. i am not a lawyer and you don't say where you live so i don't even know what legislation is relevant

i am assuming that your current status is that you are fostering with a view to adoption?

i think you might have a difficulty here as your son has no legal security with you and can be removed at any time by social services.

Have you petitioned the court to adopt your son? i believe this makes a difference as once you have petitioned the court the child cannot be removed without permission. But you woudl need to check this

when you do submit your adoption petition you will need to provide a medical letter / report for the court so I don't see how you will be able to conceal your pg, even if you wanted to. The only exception might be if you were just about to go to court and all the paperwork was in, but it doesn't sounds like thsi is your situation

i would strongly urge you to get some expert legal advice immediately. do you already have a solicitor who is handling your adoption? If i were you i would be calling them first thing tomorrow

i am so sorry that i can't be more positive. personally i think your news is wonderful. but it doesnt really matter what i think here - its what SS think that counts