Respectful adoption language

[Offredalba]

Sometime ago there was a brief discussion about why some people might find the term birthmother offensive. Perhaps this will inform and promote understanding.

www.firstmotherforum.com/2016/01/preferred-adoption-language-is-bunk.html?m=1

Good grief. Well, thanks for coming back 9 months later to tell me what I don't understand and all the ways I'm getting things wrong. I've soldiered on somehow in the meantime...

And I'm delighted to report that if this had been a new thread, my first post would have been exactly the same because it's what I was thinking as I re-read.

Go me.

Your point also about adopters not looking at non adoption related causes is hugely presumptuous. I have posted here about my child's speech issues. I've also posted in other areas of MN. I name change frequently for security when doing so. So do many adopters here. However, it's my job to consider whether my child's background influence current issues - for example, their speech delays were broadly still within what I believe your definition of normal milestones are (ie some children with "normal" background will also have speech delays for a number of reasons). However my child's particular background mean the risks of various conditions increase. There are direct correlations between the early years and speech development. It's therefore crucial that early intervention kicks in and we view their language aquisition through an adoption/trauma perspective. We certainly won't cause an issue by viewing it through this lens - but by ignoring the early triggers and deciding the development is normal because it's within official milestones could be a huge problem and would have resulted in my child's interventions only starting at school age rather than the crucial earlier years.

As for your points on forced adoption - i nay well formulate a response and post it in 9 months time.

Nice use of a name change fail. Really, totally enterprising.

I mean some people might think this was l'esprit de l'escalier taken to a ridiculous level but honestly we'd all love to reread that thread and disagree with you again.

Ok, so I am going to stop posting when I can stop having to defend myself. What was said to me was disgusting in the context of what I have actually written as opposed to what has been assumed. It has taken 9 months because I was so fucking disgusted at some of the posters on here.

Familyvonstrop you could have said mind your own business but you didn't. You could even have said "fuck off". That isn't what happened is it? Instead I was accused of having a forced adoption agenda. And being an arsehole. And a prurient rubbernecker. Terms originally used by people who understood them but picked up and thrown around by posters on here who haven't a clue. I was accused of being part of the forced adoption clan and I have responded to that. And indeed the utter ignorance of what Re BS was actually about on here is really depressing.

As for name changes, have I highlighted the blindingly obvious name changes most of you have also made? And tried to "out" any of you? No. Because I respect the fact that for whatever reason you have decided to name change.

Hopefully the crap will end here and if so good luck to all of you.

Which ignorance surrounding Re BS are you talking about?

Actually combined, read back. I didn't respond to you at all.

Re-B.S. I know a lot about it. I'm sure there are posters here who don't. If you want to discuss it, start up a thread. But i think deciding that there is "utter ignorance" about it here continues to show the utter arrogance and esteem you place on your own opinion.

Name changing - why on earth would you "out" anyone? You appear to have a strange fixation with being a custodian of this board nd managing our education as if we are one entity not hundreds of individuals. It's very strange.

Family the fact that you didn't respond to me was exactly my point. Name changing - a few posters keep on trying to link Combined02 username with others, ie trying to "out" me, for whatever bizarre reason. In relation to your other comments you could apply those comments to yourself. As usual.

tldr, find the case, read my post, find the other references to it on here - it is referred to as re bs and sometimes as the Neuberger case, and form your own judgement. Or... spend the time thinking about what really matters to you, trying to score points online or something more positive. Which is what i'll be doing soon I hope.

I cba tbh, but the only times I'm aware of seeing ignorance about it is when people have said 'what's Re BS and why does it matter?'.

And let me decide for myself how I'd like to spend the day, eh?

Absolutely.

spend the time thinking about what really matters to you, trying to score points online or something more positive. Which is what i'll be doing soon I hope.

Yeah well honestly after 9 months don't you think that time might be now? Genuinely?

Yes, Narnia, now. Well, as soon as people stop posting anything aimed at me or about me.

If you would like the last word, make it a nice one.

Family the fact that you didn't respond to me was exactly my point.
Well next time you are being hideously nosy about my child's private information I will just tell you to fuck off.

It doesn't quite work like that unfortunately. You don't get to drag up a 9 month old argument, threaten to flounce, fail to flounce and then tell everyone how to post.

Seriously if you can find ANYONE who thinks dragging up a 9 month old argument with a bunch of strangers on the Internet is a sign you have things in proportion I'll be really surprised. What are you getting out of this?

I wasn't being hideously nosy. You referred to it yourself, and I said what do you mean and I then said you could tell me to mind my own. And what I said about development wasn't about you - because you hadn't replied and so I have no idea what the situation with your child is. And no, I am not going to ask.

And the next time you accuse me of having an agenda, and imply that I simply cannot possibly have the skill to read and understand a report by myself and in any event cannot be trusted to represent that report in a fair way without twisting it to suit my agenda, I will just tell you to fuck off. Fair enough?

I have no idea what your second paragraph is on about. Of course, if I tell you that you don't have the skill to read a report you can come back at me. Since I've never done that, I'm assuming you are referencing my comment upthread about starting a thread about re-b.s if you feel we are all out of touch with the law. As I don't know what comments about re-bs you are referencing I'm in the dark.
I'm finding your posts quite strange particularly after the 9 month break and so I'm not going to discuss any further with you here - it's all a bit too odd.

Family that is somewhat disingenuous - have a look to see your username in your last post.

It has nothing to do with having things in proportion, Narnia. I was accused of crap on here and unfortunately that crap is on the internet to stay. if people associate me with that username and read threads I'd like them to see what I actually think rather than what I was accused of. Hope that makes more sense now.

I am not going to post on adoption anymore or read it (after this all goes to sleep if it ever does) because it is like picking at a sore for me. I posted while I was trying to work things out. I have and now I want out. If you don't want to let me go then... whatever.

Just stop picking then! Honestly - they're just words on a screen. Letting it go will make you happier. Just click 'hide this thread' and it all goes away.

She said, you said, then I said... It was 9 months ago. Give yourself a break and permission to leave it alone now. Really.

Narnia, if you are trying to be nice, then maybe look back at some of your posts. Think about how they might affect someone, and then think of slightly more tactful, friendly, nice ways of making your point in future with others.

I have stopped picking because I have realised that there is nothing I can do about any of it at the moment. As I say, I wrote the post above just to clarify (not to you, but to anyone who reads the threads in the future) that I am not an arsehole or a prurient rubbernecker etc etc etc.

And before you say pot kettle black, then... well, I haven't called people names, or had posts deleted... (afaik)

No I'm ok with me thanks.

You're coming across as someone who is absolutely furious about an online argument which took place nearly a year ago. You say you can't help picking at it. I think that might indicate that you're not entirely rational (about this as opposed to in general) right now. I am suggesting you might be better off if you just left it. I think you know that that is good advice but I appreciate that you can't take it from me. That's fine. Maybe give yourself a day off though and see if you need to post again when you look at it tomorrow.

I won't say pot kettle or anything else about the argument. It was ages ago. You have really made your point about how you feel about it. That's on here now. What else needs saying?

Give yourself a day. See if it's important to carry on tomorrow - honestly.

I am not furious about this thread. I am not furious about anything.

I said that reading and contributing to threads in adoption generally was like picked at an open sore, not this thread.

That's it. I have nothing new to say.