I've come to realise I'm slowly drawing away from society

[Allfurandnowhiskers]

I'm F age 51. DH & late teen DC
These days Im happy just pottering at home. I could spend the whole weekend at home, only leaving the house to go running (alone) or pop to the shop (which i dread as I don't want to be around crowds/people/busy places .. I find it all too overwhelming and triggering. Im literally in & out the shop as quick as, I only go for top up items). I recently went to London for the day at the weekend .. OMG ... there were so many people out there doing stuff .. this is alien to me as im usually at home, in the quiet, hone comforts, peace.
I don't feel like i'm missing out. I am not agoraphobic . I don't want to do things like theatre/shopping days/city days out/arts/galleries.
I'm happy to go away - uk or abroad - but the rest of the time I'm just happy at home .. I'll bake.. or read .. or do home diy projects.. or pop to a quiet country pub near my village.

Anyone else resonate?

I resonate. I love being at home or allotment. I love just pottering around. Hate going into much especially in an evening!

100%
I love it. No plans to try to change this.

Me too. I was always horrified to read about the great and good medieval women who seemed to get to a certain age then get shipped off to a convent. Nowadays that just sounds like bliss.

I think if you’re happy with your life, it’s totally fine. Different people thrive on different things. My life is very different to yours and the idea of not regularly going to the theatre or museums or art galleries fills me with horror and I can’t sit at home at the weekend but that’s what works best for me. My DH is more like you I think.

Keep an eye on it. You say you're happy but it sounds like you're narrowing your life and it could be at least partly driven by anxiety. Words like "overwhelming and triggering" are quite strong, in the context of day to day activities like going to a shop.

No one is going to come along and force you to get back out there, and it's terrifically easy - and, historically, very socially acceptable wrt older ladies - to let it all shrink away to nothing.

Im like you. Happiest at home, occasional trip out to the beach or local NT estate. Supermarkets give me the wobbles. I hate crowds or parties. I prefer 1-2-1 friendships, not gangs of people.

I don’t seek out anyone these days. Content on my own. I protect my peace.

I do worry about this. I may as well live on remote island atm .. as I don't watch the news or read a paper and have no idea about mooch going on globally, what so ever.

I resonate - but I do love love love the theatre and so I go down to London occasionally. I do find it absolutely exhausting though. (I use a wheelchair so getting around in London is tough for me)

I think this sound advice. The other thing that concerns me is the risk of dementia and my understanding is that there is some research that suggests that regular social engagement, doing new things and doing cultural stuff is helpful. Social isolation can be a higher risk factor I believe.

It doesn’t resonate with me, no. It sounds like a needlessly self-limiting existence.

I do see this point of view, up to a point. Obviously loneliness in the elderly is a big issue.
However, I feel that as a natural introvert, it can be so frustrating when people encourage me to make myself ‘get out there’. I don’t want to be out there. I don’t try to encourage natural extroverts to rein it in a little! Why should I force myself to be out in company when it affords no pleasure. It’s far from an anxiety thing, I just don’t like noise and smells and small talk for the sake of it. I love to cook, bake, read, listen to music or podcasts, walk, swim, potter in my garden and grow pretty flowers and lots of veg. I feel that my life is rich and content. Why should I try to change it to fit others’ expectations?

I do agree with 'horses for courses' mostly. While I'm definitely an introvert at heart I try to do some sort of cultural activity as often as possible. Even though it feels fine to do very little day to day, we do only live once.

Doesn't everything blur into one if you look back on the last few years, if you rarely do anything new and different?

I think of Mary Oliver's "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life" and, to be honest, if the answer, looking back on my deathbed was "read a few books, made a few cakes, pottered in the garden," it would feel a bit depressing. By all means if that was what I spent most of my time doing and enjoyed it, and did it in the company of loved ones, that would be a life well lived. But if it was pretty much the only thing I did - or at least for the latter half of my life - I don't know, it would feel like a bit of a waste.

I have been like this for as long as I can remember. I live rurally, so sometimes I go for days without speaking to anyone other than my pets, if I'm not in work. If I am in work, I still spend more time chatting to animals than people as I work on a farm. I love where I live, I've made big changes to get this far in life (even though my family didn't necessarily agree or approve of it all), and I'm happy pottering about doing my own thing. My interpretation of wasting my life is living it to suit other people's expectations.

If I have to go out to a busier place, I try to cram everything into one trip. My rare holidays (due to work) include eco-villages or remote islands. I do make an effort to do things that are outside of my comfort zone and that I wouldn't ordinarily do. I don't want to sit there in a chair when I'm too old to be able to do things, regretting all of the things that I didn't do when I had the good health and ability, so I am slowly working my way through my lifetime's to-do list. While my life puzzles some of the more extroverted people in my life (e.g. family members), I'm always going to be an introvert, a country girl and a homebird, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Totally agree, being an introvert is seen as a negative and we spend our lives being pushed to do things that we don't want to do whereas we don't try to stop extroverts being extroverts🤷Actually I've finally accepted who I am and say no now to things but took me many decades to realise that there is nothing 'wrong' with me.

I’m personally think it’s a shame, as there are so many wonderful things to see and do in the world! But I’m not you, so if you’re happy with your life then there’s no problem.

I can be like this too, then every now and then I 'll force myself back out there for a while (e.g. I joined a group activity and had breakfast with friends yesterday) and I'm always glad I did.

I do like/need time on my own, but I do think life is better when I make an effort to see others too, even though it does often feel like a big effort.

Same. Retired early. Not interested in other people anymore. Bin me, dump me, block and delete me. Just leave me alone.

Genuinely introverted people are not well tolerated by society. People who need social stimulation often try to make introverts feel we’re missing out on something but we’re really not 😆

I’m extremely introverted. But it’s a big world out there with so many interesting and beautiful things and places. I do spend a lot of time at home pottering and reading. But I also travel, go to the theatre, galleries, visit new places. Usually by myself, sometimes with friends. Socialising in the evening though I’ve cut down to almost zero though as I don’t enjoy it. I’m late 50s and don’t think my outlook will change for a few years, I have no wish to move out of London.

I can agree. It's my opinion that far too many people out there have totally lost the plot since lockdown. Far too many people are now obnoxious, argumentative, opinionated, rude, sadistic etc.

I don't know about introverts. I think that's one of those words that means different things to different people.

But being alone, never doing anything social, never going anywhere, taking no interest in anything beyond the home? That's easy. The world is not going to hammer on your door when you close it.

Sigh. Here we go again. Introversion doesn’t have anything to do with not having a social life outside the home. It refers solely to whether you are drained or recharged by social contact. It has nothing to do with how good you are at friendships, how shy or socially-confident you are, how much or little you enjoy other people’s company. There are loud-voiced, confident introverts who love socialising, but need time to recharge in solitude before they do it again, just as there are shy extroverts.

I’m the same, similar age too. Happy pottering around my garden in rural France. Occasionally I do have a trip to Paris or Bordeaux for a bit of culture but otherwise I’m very happy at home.

People keep asking me to join them at pub quizzes, evening classes trips to the theatre, fireworks etc and I am simply not interested. I find it interesting to see how much they crave company and novelty and I am the complete opposite. I am like my dad was - happy with his own company - but people generally don't approve in my experience. Ignore them! They are still searching - and often spending a lot of money in the process.

I'm in my 60s too, live rurally, and often go for weeks without seeing anyone other than DH. I'm happy with that - we've got a night away coming up in December, had a friend round for dinner last night, probably have a guest coming for a week in the new year - and I'll enjoy all of that too. I just prefer being by myself most of the time, feeding the birds and watching them, same with our feral cat and my pet snails (if that doesn't out me to anyone who knows me, I don't know what would!). I'm at my most content around 2 or 3 am, sitting in bed (separate room from DH), reading or drawing/painting, with absolutely no one needing me to do anything. Bliss.