I've come to realise I'm slowly drawing away from society

[Allfurandnowhiskers]

I'm F age 51. DH & late teen DC
These days Im happy just pottering at home. I could spend the whole weekend at home, only leaving the house to go running (alone) or pop to the shop (which i dread as I don't want to be around crowds/people/busy places .. I find it all too overwhelming and triggering. Im literally in & out the shop as quick as, I only go for top up items). I recently went to London for the day at the weekend .. OMG ... there were so many people out there doing stuff .. this is alien to me as im usually at home, in the quiet, hone comforts, peace.
I don't feel like i'm missing out. I am not agoraphobic . I don't want to do things like theatre/shopping days/city days out/arts/galleries.
I'm happy to go away - uk or abroad - but the rest of the time I'm just happy at home .. I'll bake.. or read .. or do home diy projects.. or pop to a quiet country pub near my village.

Anyone else resonate?

The long queue of cars into the shopping retail park
People stopping dead in front of me In the shop
People having no idea of those around them in general Inside the shop
The shop moving things around And I can't find them
Items out of stock .. the only items I went in there for
Queues to pay

Do you need anymore examples ?

Me too, I'm housebound & other than ds & dsil I never see anyone except for maybe 2 hours a week with them I'm completely on my own.

Just be careful you don’t make your world too small. I have as I don’t leave the house (MH issues) and life’s very lonely now.

Overwhelming and triggering seems an extreme reaction to what to most people would be the most minor of every day irritations in a shop. Is your DH similar? What about your DCs? Mine love it when we all go to cities or big events together. And I can't imagine not being able to discuss news and current affairs with them. I know some of it's depressing but there is so much interesting stuff happening out there. Same with friends. I had a spell of opting out of following the news due to low level anxiety but I quickly felt so out of the loop when friends were talking about what was happening in the world that I re-started again and just skim / by-pass anything I can't cope with.

Those are minor inconveniences or annoyances, surely. Not fun, obviously, but queueing or bumping into people or having an item out of stock aren’t a reason to avoid supermarkets forever!

Yes I love to potter at home. I have been unwell this weekend and didn’t venture out and actually it was nice not to have to be anywhere. I also went to a large shopping centre recently and found it exhausting. Always pleased to get away from traffic jams to my quieter location too. I still mix and have friends etc but I know some life changes have made me appreciate a calmer home and life.

Yes, I still don't see what is 'triggering'.
Sounds like a big out of town shopping centre that was too busy and annoying, but 'triggered'?

No need to go to retail parks for a supermarket...

Its all totally triggering to me and pushes me over the edge.i just cannot cope with all the stress all of that brings

Its my closest one. The next one - not in a retail park - is 20 mins away

If you see friends regularly then you are happy socialising and if you are happy to travel including travelling abroad then surely things like groups of people and queuing etc can't bother you that much otherwise you wouldn’t go.

I think some places seem crazy busy these days. I don’t think it’s unusual to really dislike places when they are very busy. I don’t know why it’s triggering for some but merely extremely annoying for others though. I think the less you expose yourself to busy places then the more out of place you will feel when you are in them.

It’s good you have friends though. I’m in my 60s and I have a lovely group of friends. We often help each other out. They are very important to me.

Respectfully, if you can’t cope with queueing to pay and with discovering items are in a different place to the one you expected, don’t you think it might be time to try expose yourself to more stress in order to get better at dealing with it? This sounds like a muscle you’ve stopped exercising.

My ideal life would be the right house in the country with no close neighbours and a lovely garden. I would love to potter all day and read and go for walks. Unfortunately I don't like my house or the place I live much. So I do go out and do things but really I would
rather be at home pottering. I've lost interest in trying to make new friends and do find other people stressful and exhausting these days .

My father in law was80 when Covid came in and his partner had just died-and he lived in an area with little to do on his doorstep and no family - was all his partner family - we felt he went downhill mentally and physically quite quickly - 2 years ago he moved at 85, closer to us but lively, a younger family vibe but older people too, lots to do, stuff on his doorstep - his memory, vigour, attitude all hugely better- he still has a lot of time on his own but now mixed in with planned social stuff - I can’t believe the difference!! And hes87!!

DITTO.

OP do you only want people to say “yes me too” or do you want to hear other opinions?

I can’t validate you I’m afraid. I’m older than you (59) and I love going out and about. Shops, galleries, theatre, pictures, pubs, restaurants, parties, work, museums, out with a big group of friends.

I’m not saying I don’t enjoy time alone, or peace, or my own company. But staying in and never going anywhere apart from the shop, never seeing anyone, would make me very very sad.

With the supermarket ii feel overwhelmed by all the queuing, not having items in stock, people, things have been moved etc. I can cope fine at an airport though .. we always book fast track security and a lounge, I don't have an issue with queuing to get on the plane.. or off it .. or passport control at either end of the journey. Shoppimg centres im ok with. Although I rarely go to a large shopping centre these days and if I do then I'm there before the shops open and leave by lunchtime.

@BitOutOfPractice I'm interested in both - those that resonate and options from those that don't.

I actually have a really busy life (for me!) - managing DC for school etc, exercising & running, cooking for the household, working FT, seeing/caring for parents, seeing friends (usually me going to theirs), messaging / video calling long distance friends, running DC to their hobby which involves long distance driving, genetal running of the household, lots of reading.

Well if it works for you and your family. I can’t imagine living like that, I actively enjoy shopping even in supermarkets, love wandering round cities, going to the theatre, football matches, eating out, cinema, just being out and about amongst other people. Work entirely in the office by choice. Tried online supermarket shopping, hated it. My young adult DCs also actively like all these things so we enjoy going to the theatre, football matches, cinema etc together, city breaks together, DD and I are going to Costco together after work tonight just because we can and we enjoy it.

Yes I can resonate OP. I could spend a whole week not going out of the house and it wouldn’t bother me. I can feel a bit overwhelmed in busy areas but I can handle it. But I’m happy just staying in, pottering about like you say and relaxing in front of the tv. I do suffer with depression which I think may have been triggered by the menopause, and I don’t go out of my way to listen to the news. I have my own coping mechanisms. Holidays I’m fine with but wouldn’t really choose to go abroad nowadays as I don’t like airports. A few days in the country staying in a cottage and drinking at a centuries old country pub would definitely get me out of the house though!

I don’t like huge supermarkets, you know like the big Asdas and Tescos. I shop at Aldi each week and I like them cos they are a lot smaller and I can be in and out in 40 minutes.

Again I’m the opposite, I love a big supermarket with clothes and home stuff, I am drawn to them. Lidl and Aldi being cheap is about all they’ve got going for them. Every now and then I think to myself I’ll have a quiet day at home but I just can’t do it, by about 4 o’clock I will find an excuse to go out into town or somewhere, it’s only ten mins walk and that’s one of the things I like about living here.

I couldn't live like that. I love the buzz of being out and about. I've lived in London all my life and wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I enjoy gong to events such as football matches, the theatre, or just going up to Central fit a mooch. No one likes queuing do they? Stuff being out of stock, or moved around in the supermarket it's annoying for most people. "Triggering" though? Not for most people

No there certainly isn’t anything wrong with that. In my opinion, you are blessed to live in a rural area and work on a farm. Sounds like heaven to me! I envy you!

‘Triggering’ does sound a bit dramatic though. You can not like something without resorting to overused cliches that generally refer to much more serious issues. If that’s the case for you though, then perhaps you need more help than a chat forum can offer.