I've come to realise I'm slowly drawing away from society

[Allfurandnowhiskers]

I'm F age 51. DH & late teen DC
These days Im happy just pottering at home. I could spend the whole weekend at home, only leaving the house to go running (alone) or pop to the shop (which i dread as I don't want to be around crowds/people/busy places .. I find it all too overwhelming and triggering. Im literally in & out the shop as quick as, I only go for top up items). I recently went to London for the day at the weekend .. OMG ... there were so many people out there doing stuff .. this is alien to me as im usually at home, in the quiet, hone comforts, peace.
I don't feel like i'm missing out. I am not agoraphobic . I don't want to do things like theatre/shopping days/city days out/arts/galleries.
I'm happy to go away - uk or abroad - but the rest of the time I'm just happy at home .. I'll bake.. or read .. or do home diy projects.. or pop to a quiet country pub near my village.

Anyone else resonate?

I used to love a weekend with nothing to do, just wake up and potter round. It was bliss. Also getting home in the evening to a quiet house. That was until my children left home and the house was empty and now all I want to do is connect and go out. I think the dream of having so much time alone was just because I didn't get much of it and now I have I don't want it.

I can't relate at all. I do love a bit of quiet pottering at home but there are also so many other things I love. But we are all different.

What do you mean by triggered @Allfurandnowhiskers?

Yes this resonates with me, but I never think 'my world is getting smaller.' It is getting a lot happier and a lot more peaceful. Sometimes to feel connected all you need is a smile or brief exchange of words with a random unintoxicated person at the park or on the bus.

McDonald’s drive thru. Always hated that. Don’t do it now since me and STBXH split. Lots of people suffer from an anxiety whilst out shopping. And what is it now Tesco are saying g in their adverts about their delivery service? “Because going to the shops isn’t everyone’s bag”. Just because you don’t suffer it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!

98% of my days are like this.. staying home, sewing, gardening, reading etc.. another 2% once in a while i'll be with friends. Its not loneliness, i choose to be by myself.. it is solitude.

I’m so glad you posted this - I’m the same and thought there is something wrong with me - family sometimes suggest I make more effort and I’ve joined a few groups and I end up feeling overwhelmed and exhausted - like a potter and random chats with DH and catch up with older Dc who have left home - it feels perfect for me but externally I see others making more effort and have big groups of people around them and wonder if I’m doing something wrong x

i mean it takes me over the edge, cannot cope, I start spiralling, irrational behaviours, overwhelmed, meltdown

I would say it's up to you if that's how you want to live, were it not for the fact that you're teaching (by example) your teenage DC that the mere act of popping to a corner shop to buy a pint of milk is "triggering" and "overwhelming". That's not healthy and is especially bad if they're younger teenagers.

@Prekoc2 my DC are not aware of my issues

Then you need to seek help from your GP. That is not normal or helpful to you or your family.

I'm afraid I don't believe you. They will be aware that you never go anywhere, you never suggest family outings, and if you do go to the shop you're back two minutes later looking stressed.

I was thinking about this at the weekend actually. I'm 57. I just pottered and did some crochet. I had the cats for company! I do go out, IF it's something I really want to go to. I have a gig next weekend. I still go on holiday. But I have zero interest in leaving the house purely for the sake of it. I won't just make up things to do.

I realised I never had a space I really loved, and maybe more crucially, the time to spend in it, until I hit my 50s. So now I do want to spend my time just enjoying that. I have a ton of craft hobbies. The crochet is something new to me that I've been learning. I'm not in the least bit bored.

I think by the time you have spent 50 years or more on this planet, you have a right to live the life you choose. As long as it's not hurting anyone else. If someone wants a "small" life, so what? It's their choice. Maybe once I retire fully, I'll do some more things out of the house but certainly right now, I just want to spend my free time in the most enjoyable way for me.

It sounds like you need professional help for your anxiety

That's the point of us all being different. A full social life is my nightmare, the quiet way pottering at home, walks with kids I'm perfectly happy with

Then you need to seek professional help as a matter of urgency.

@grape nope. Im just done with these type of social situations. I get my shopping delivered

I think I hate the word ‘potter’ as much as I hate ‘pamper’ and ‘jimjams’ 😱😏

@Allfurandnowhiskers It’s not good that you feel like that OP.
I agree with the poster who said they don’t feel the need to make up things to do. I spent 40 years working on and off and now I don’t interact with anyone I don’t want to. Me and dh could tell stories that would make your hair curl. We like a quiet life now x

I like pottering at home but also like being out and about and sociable every day too. Half and half is my ideal.

I totally get that for some people pottering around at home in solitude is their preference, but I do think the reaction to a shop is extreme and that you would benefit from some professional help to make it less unpleasant for you because it isn't something that can be 100% avoided. I would also feel concerned that you might be missing out on or causing your family to miss out on outings and experiences, do they all go off without you?

This resonates with me. When I was younger and more mobile I travelled the world including places like Afghanistan, Syria and Iran which its difficult to visit now. Nowadays Ive had enough of physical contact with people and avoid them as much as possible. I have all my shopping delivered and only go out for essential medical appointments.

However I do run a couple of online businesses including online tutoring so my mind is kept alert and active. As technology changes I still have to learn new things. I am also an avid AI user and enjoy long debates with Co-pilot and Gemini.

Would you not rather have long debates with actual people, rather than a computer?

I can have debates with my postgrad students when I am helping them construct their masters or doctoral thesis. Often my debates with AI are initiated to find out more about the background to what one of my students is researching and to provide further viewpoints.

I do wonder what the world will be like in the future. When the increasing number of people who have decided who have decided to cut themselves off from society start to age, lose their partners, their ‘little family’ moves away, illnesses strike etc. Will the much-wanted solitude give solace or distress.

Genuinely, don't you feel you are contributing to your own obsolescence here?