I've come to realise I'm slowly drawing away from society

[Allfurandnowhiskers]

I'm F age 51. DH & late teen DC
These days Im happy just pottering at home. I could spend the whole weekend at home, only leaving the house to go running (alone) or pop to the shop (which i dread as I don't want to be around crowds/people/busy places .. I find it all too overwhelming and triggering. Im literally in & out the shop as quick as, I only go for top up items). I recently went to London for the day at the weekend .. OMG ... there were so many people out there doing stuff .. this is alien to me as im usually at home, in the quiet, hone comforts, peace.
I don't feel like i'm missing out. I am not agoraphobic . I don't want to do things like theatre/shopping days/city days out/arts/galleries.
I'm happy to go away - uk or abroad - but the rest of the time I'm just happy at home .. I'll bake.. or read .. or do home diy projects.. or pop to a quiet country pub near my village.

Anyone else resonate?

Is this a change and what started it? Is it because it makes you feel safe and have more anxiety than before or have you always been this way and stopped trying to force yourself to do otherwise?

Sorry I missed a bit out. It should have said "searching for external happiness". That's ok, it's just that at some point people tend to start finding it internally and that's when a shift occurs and you stop looking to go out all the time.

Oh same. Would also call myself an introvert but roll my eyes at the way some fellow introverts portray themselves as deep thinkers and extroverts as vapid loud mouths. You can be an introvert yet spend your time pondering nothing deeper than the latest episode of Love Island, just as you can be an extrovert and spend the majority of your time talking about quantum field theory.

I feel like I want to go out in London more and see stuff and socialise more now I have more time, also aged 51, and have been doing that. But I also like having time doing nothing. I don't want to potter and do jobs though since menopause, I really CBA. Have totally gone off gardening in particular and I used to be a mad plant lady. Keep feeling fed up of the house and I want to live in a minimalist flat with a cleaner. I feel like I'd happily never do any housework or gardening again if I had the choice, and I only cook because I like nice food. I wouldn't miss it and I've had enough.

But they’re not ‘looking’ for anything. They’re enjoying table quizzes, or the theatre, or clubbing or whatever. They’re not lesser-evolved. ‘Pottering’ isn’t some kind of ultimate enlightenment. Potterers clearly like it, and good for them. For other people, it looks like a dull, small life, bent on avoiding things they’ve lost their social muscle for, and that’s an equally valid viewpoint.

Yeah I did, also wfh full time, til a couple of years ago when I decided making my life so small isn’t healthy and so I got a hybrid job to force me out more. I also try and socialise a bit more too. I’m still not a party animal and often I cba but I really don’t think it’s healthy to live the life of a hermit at a relatively young age.

Looks like you need to make some changes in your life!

I agree. Introverted doesn’t mean being antisocial. It just means you get your energy from within as opposed to from other people.

We are in our fifties and new empty nesters. We have never been so busy. We work but are in central London almost every week and see loads of our friends. More than we ever have. I love fashion, the theatre and galleries. I am in a book club and exercise regularly. I love my local restaurants too. I like meeting new people. I feel alive and cannot imagine slipping away into solitude. My husband is the same and we also socialise independently; I would hate us to depend on each other for our social lives.

When I look at my parents and their friends, the ones that are doing well are not the ones with the most devoted children whom they see every week. It’s the ones who have active social lives and go on trips etc. They seem to be so much younger mentally than the ones who just sit at home waiting for the grandchildren to visit. That is just an anecdotal story of course but it does make me think.

People should do what they wish of course. But the post-Covid championing of hiding away and misanthropy is not a good thing in my view.

Crack on then! Nothing wrong with not liking crowded places etc,

47 yo, husband, no children.
Totally agree.

Yes, there are so many wonderful things to see and do, however you need enough money to do them and I think that's why I've become so depressed about what I'm missing out on.. I wouldn't be able to afford it and after all, you only get one life. But on the other hand when I have gone away, I have been homesick and haven't enjoyed it as much as I should. I get really stressed and overwhelmed especially if it's hot. Instead I just watch travel programmes which is far cheaper and less stressful!

There's a fine line between enjoying your own company and never being bored in it, and being lazy, indolent, disinterested, and reclusive.

That being said, it seems a person's lack of willingness to "get out there" is of more interest and concern to others than it is to the person themselves. The concerned people are usually extrovert duracell bunnies though!

We are all different, and the world needs far more introverts. See Susan McCain's Ted Talk on this.

Peaceful, relaxed, free. HTH

Yep absolutely. I WFH so only leave the house to walk the dog or visit family. I find myself not wanting to deal with people at all as I get older, (I'm 48).

Then you’ve misunderstood introversion. Introverts, properly understood, are of no more or no less value than extroverts. If, however, we’re talking about the Mn misunderstanding of introversion as ‘reclusive, misanthropic, incapable of functioning in company’, then I’d say the concern you mention has cause.

I was referring to "true" introverts ( the Susan Cain reference). Others such as you mention are copping out I think. I'm an introvert but not sure if I am one of the true blue type or the couldn't be arsed group. Depends on the day of the week and the time of day 😊

My closest friend is an introvert. She is brilliant company and we do loads together. She just needs time alone to recharge afterwards, and is horrified at me going out four nights a week!

Respectfully, Susan Cain is a former lawyer with no medical or psychological training. I don’t buy the idea that she’s somehow the definer of ‘true’ introversion. The title of her book suggests she’s responsibile for some of the popular misunderstanding that introversion has anything to do with ‘quietness’.

She’s also (1) American and (2) a former Wall Street lawyer — two places not known for ‘quietness’. Ideas of what constitutes ‘quiet’, or ‘unacceptably quiet’ are culturally specific, just like what constitutes a normal talking volume or personal space.

Well I won't be meeting you for a coffee. You know it all don't you. 😉

anything less dull than the predicted “you don’t have to buy hot choco” or personal insults thrown in the dark? 🎤

that is so true - I’m an extremely sociable introvert !!

I certainly haven’t ‘insulted’ you. You went off on a lengthy, arbitrary rant. Triggered by something, though not entirely clear what.

Yes, I’m a sociable introvert, too. I’m socially-confident, socially-skilled, and enjoy and invest in my friendships, and I love having people over for dinner, but I need significant time alone. No one encountering me at a party would have any reason to know whether I was an extrovert or an introvert.

Me too - I actually find weekends a bit annoying as my H is around all the time and naturally expects to do couples things and I no longer have a son at home to provide diversions - think I might join the gym!! And yet at business stuff or meeting a friend or a party - I’m very sociable- but I like being social in small doses -