I don't feel good. Think I'll just spew here, because I don't even know how to explain m my feelings

[Loopylou4]

4 months ago i broke my femur. Before that i was feeling quite ill, but I'm terrified of doctors etc so I didn't make an apt. When I got taken in i was found to have very low vitamin d and dangerously low sodium.
Spent 6 nights in there
Anyway, very long story very short, I'm broken, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, i live on the sofa, I'm so sad, I had to call mental health crisis team because I felt su..dal.
Thankfully that turned out that I was trying to take myself off morphine too quick, and it was causing emotional crash, so now I have a tapering regiment with the pharmacist. I've honestly never felt so alone, the friends you think you have? Well, not so much really.
I don't even know what I'm asking and sorry this is garbled, I'm just trying to reach out.
Thank you if you got this far

I’m sorry you’re feeling so low OP.

Do you have any family?

That sounds so shit I'm so sorry ☹️☹️

Coming off morphine even on a taper is hard work for your brain and nerves. The meds have disrupted all your normal signals, including the ones that make you feel happiness. It takes time for them to relearn their job.
Your best bet for now is to focus on your physical needs. Are you on the sofa because you're still immobile? Because some gentle excercise is good if you can move about. As is really good nutrition, all the healthy stuff.
Is there anything you can do from the sofa to keep your mind occupied? Books, puzzles, TV?
Because this very low mood will pass. Try to see it as a temporary response to physical things going on in your body, that will ease when you're better.
If you start to feel too bad make sure you reach out to your MH support.

Thank you for replies. I do, but my parents are elderly, have their own health problems etc.
Thanks purple
5128, yeah I have all that, I'm starting to be able to move a little, and even take a coyote of steps unaided. But I'm alone every night from 6pm and I just cry. I'm just so overwhelmed

You’ve had a very bad time.
do you have any company - friends, family, pets? (Other than the friends who let you down)
you sound quite isolated and low and if this is the case, it must be even harder with your current physical situation.
Hopefully once the morphine situation is resolved you’ll be feeling a bit better mentally at least

Or even a COUPLE of steps. Sorry the morphine makes my already crap typing even more shoddy.

I wonder if you might feel able to try and establish a tiny routine in the evening with small things to look forward to if at all possible. Might be something simple like saving an episode of a particular programme to watch, or making a hot chocolate. Not major solutions of course but a safe way of filling a short amount of time.

OP this sounds so grim - sorry to hear you’ve been going through the mill. It’s hardly surprising you’ve been feeling so low! 💐
How was today? Have you got even a tiny thing to look forward to tomorrow?
The Mumsnet aunties are listening ☕️ 🍰

Coconut i have my lovely cat who never leaves me side. Also a H who thinks it's fine to go to bed at 6pm and leave me by myself. But then I'm not his responsibility i suppose, he does the min like feed and water etc tho

I don’t have any advice, but I just want to send the gentlest of hugs x

Ahhh you poor bugger. I only had low vit D and that made me feel AWFUL. I thought I was losing my mind, that I was so old and worn and tired I’d never feel any better. Then I took some vit D and the change was remarkable. But I didn’t have the other things too. But keep up your vit D and I really hope things start looking brighter in your world soon.

Have you watched Schitts Creek recently? That’s my go to when I’m stuck on the sofa feeling sad.

You made me cry lol. No I haven't, infact I'm dreading it, I have a physio coming in the morning, and he's gonna wanna check my blood pressure like he did last time, it's really high and I'm scared he'll say i have to go to hospital. I can't even sleep more than a 2 hour block and this has been consistent since I've came out of hospital, normally I sleep an easy 10 hours. I'm limited to what sleeping meds I can take because of the morphine

I badly broke my ankle last spring.
I was six weeks non weight bearing after surgery. That was a killer as hopping on crutches completely distorts your body.

I had no one to help at home. No one coming home at end of day. It was lonesome.

Im pretty stoic, a tough old bird, but being alone 24/7 apart from occasional neighbour dropping in, was totally depressing.

I know a little bit of how you feel but it will come to an end and you will feel differently about life again.

It’s sh$t having to lie about all day so I hope you’ll feel better & be more ambulant soon. 💐

Mine was 7.7 and a sodium level of 123. Thank you for that, I'll look into it

OK, so you have identified your darkest hours. That's good because you can plan for them. Accept that at 6pm it's bye bye not great husband and you've 4 hours or so to fill before the end of the day.
Divide it into chunks. So have your evening meal at 6. Make sure it's food you need. Your meds will possibly have depleted certain nutrients and you need to stock up. Good carbs are essential right now to get your serotonin levels up, and bananas, chicken and fish. Also a B vit supplement. Google diet and recovery, and make a food plan. That's something constructive to do!
Then have a few planned activities. A little time on here chatting, a book for half an hour, sonething on telly. Keep those hours occupied.

That sounds really rough. You have so much to deal with all at the same time. Come and sound off on Mumsnet whenever you like.

Are you taking Vitamin D now? It’s so important for physical well-being, for emotional well-being and also for bone health. You need it more than ever now.

When I was stuck on the sofa with a bulging spinal disc, I did a lot of crocheting because I could do that lying on my back. It engaged my mind and reduced my rumination over my pain and how I would ever get back to work. I was on amyltriptiline for a few months . I hated it. It messed with my brain, it messed with my mood, it messed with my ability to connect with my body. I was so glad when I could stop taking it. That was when I started feeling like myself again, even though I was not yet back to my old self physically.

When you say you live on the sofa, is that because your leg is still causing you difficulties mobilising, or is it because you struggle to motivate yourself? No shame if it’s the latter, but if we know what you are finding particularly challenging, maybe we can suggest things that could help?

Ooh ouch, I get how awful that no weight bearing is, how you're all good now

Ok that is a lot to handle - I can well imagine the prospect of physio visit is not having a great effect.
That is a tomorrow problem. When you’re feeling like this, it’s about breathe in, breathe out, left foot, right foot… do the next right thing. And the next right thing might well simply be to very gently and kindly get yourself into a better state - and we can perhaps help you a bit to do that.

You’ve done one good thing already in reaching out here - I know we’re a nest of vipers but you’ll see how compassionate MNers can be to someone in distress. ❤️‍🩹

Walking you through it - have you had a glass of water and maybe eaten something nutritious in the last little while? Because if not - please do that. So much of self-care is the boring stuff. Things sound hard enough without making yourself battle hunger or dehydration.

Can you send a text to someone who cares about you, to book a little chat or just to exchange messages tomorrow after the physio has been? Baby steps.

Don’t want to spam you with too many suggestions - so just want to say that you have overcome 100% of the grim, bleak shit that has happened to you in the past, and you will overcome this too, I feel sure of it. ⚔️ 💪🏼 Just keep swimming, 🐠 with your gammy fin / femur - we are waving our poms-poms for you and there is always someone up in the middle of the night with a hand to hold 🩷

That's the thing tho, I just can't sleep, I have sort of a routine where I'll watch videos on my phone, then watch some A&E on tele, then I'll take a nefopam, and I'll doze off, but then I'll be awake bang on in an hour. It's soul destroying

Thank you so so much. Means alot x

Hi, glad you overcame it. Yes I'm taking vitamin d at 2000 per day, I'm getting mobility back very slowly, but i can't yet make the stairs, all I want to do is get into my own bed. I'm so lonely, the nights get unbearable

Oh love, it's so tough isn't it. I broke my leg last year and had delayed healing of all 3 breaks (almost 5 months) so understand just how you feel. Feeling low is common when something like this happens - you go from being 'normal'one minute, to very broken the next. It's so shocking isn't it.

I'm lucky enough to be pretty resilient normally, but was in bits mentally and physically after this injury. I can promise you, you won't always feel like you do now, this is as bad as it's going to get and every day you're getting a bit nearer recovery. It's a hard journey, you know that, but better days are coming.

For your long evenings alone, maybe listening to some podcasts would help? Don't know about you, but I didn't have the attention span for reading.

Now's not the time to address your husband's behaviour, save that for when you're well.

Sending a hug and

you come across so nice,.i am so sorry you feel so bad at the moment,i feel it's totally understandable to feel that way after your injury...take this time to heal and don't be worrying about anything.focus on you mending.you genuinely come across like a lovely person so accept you need some downtime now,and trust you will mend and be back to normal soon...i wish you a speedy recovery..read all the books you want to watch all the movies you want focus on you and only you..

I’m sorry you’re feeling so blue. It’s a lot to deal with for sure.

Have you reached out to friends / family to ask for visits? People can but rubbish at taking the initiative but they’d probably like to help.