I don't feel good. Think I'll just spew here, because I don't even know how to explain m my feelings

[Loopylou4]

4 months ago i broke my femur. Before that i was feeling quite ill, but I'm terrified of doctors etc so I didn't make an apt. When I got taken in i was found to have very low vitamin d and dangerously low sodium.
Spent 6 nights in there
Anyway, very long story very short, I'm broken, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, i live on the sofa, I'm so sad, I had to call mental health crisis team because I felt su..dal.
Thankfully that turned out that I was trying to take myself off morphine too quick, and it was causing emotional crash, so now I have a tapering regiment with the pharmacist. I've honestly never felt so alone, the friends you think you have? Well, not so much really.
I don't even know what I'm asking and sorry this is garbled, I'm just trying to reach out.
Thank you if you got this far

Reading is my fave thing ever, but yes, I understand what you mean, I just can't seem to get the attention span since the surgery, very weird x

Thank you 😢

Your body has been through a huge trauma and you are still in recovery. I read loads but during a couple of recent viruses even holding a book is too much effort. Have you thought about audio books, a lot of local libraries have links you can use? Or podcasts, it can distract you a bit from too much thinking.

There’s nothing quite like your own bed.

Are you able to mark a difference between daytime sofa and nighttime sofa? Eg tea-meds-wash-breakfast-change clothes? Similarly in the evening. Your ability to sleep can be affected by too much rest/not enough activity during the day. Marking the change from day to night etc helps both mentally and physically. On the one hand, difficult to achieve when your mobility is affected. On the other hand, that same difficulty can help pass the time and tire you out. Plus it’s something you can tick off as an achievement.

I think I'm gonna try an audio, can't hurt hey

I know i just need my bed, I've tried moving around a bit, but there's still that empty feeling

I'm gonna try and watch some Facebook reels until my next meds are due. But I just wanted to say thank you to each and everyone one of you for your kind words and thoughts. I'm actually a 20 year longtime mumsnetter, just not been on for years since losing my old account, I'd forgotten how lovely a space it is <3

Goodnight, hope you get some rest.

Audio books are good. There's lots on BBC Sounds you can try for free (don't even need a TV licence). Not a book but The Sleeping Forecast helps me.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0cjyk2w
I enjoy drama e.g. Sherlock & Co (not all episodes are on Sounds but more on Spotify, again for free with ads you can forward).
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0nq34ms
They also have the classic, not modernised Sherlock - more boring, very easy to fall asleep to https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0k9tzr0

There's always The Archers, something to look forward to at a couple of minutes last 7pm, six days a week. Then join us in Radio Addicts to tell who you do and don't like
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/radio_addicts

Excellent posts from @5128gap. Sympathies, OP — that all sounds incredibly rough. Are there people you could schedule a brief phonecall with after 6 pm? The Samaritans are always an option if you’re feeling dangerously low.

Good morning LoopyLou
Popping my head round the door to fix you with a beady, Nanny McPhee gaze, infuse you with courage and remind you to do the next right thing. Which might just be to make a cup of tea.
Anya Hindmarch wrote a book called ‘If In Doubt, Wash Your Hair’ and I agree with her that if you’re feeling rubbish this can be a small but unexpectedly helpful way to feel a tiny bit better.
Sending light and green shoots of hope for your day today
🌄 💡 🌱

Evening, how have you been today Loopy?

Is there any way you could have a bed downstairs, even if it's a z bed or futon? Then at least you could 'go to bed' each night. My DH set me up 2 mattresses on top of each other downstairs, and a bedside table. It was surprisingly comfy.

Thinking about audio books and podcasts, Julie Andrews has narrated Price and Prejudice on Noiser podcasts. It's sooo soothing to listen to, even if the book isn't something you'd normally read. Also Kathryn Nicolai's stories are like a gentle handhold.

https://www.nothingmuchhappens.com/

There's bedtime stories to send you off to sleep, and stories from the village which are longer and a bit more detailed. I hope you find something you like x

Hello lovelies. Thank you so much for checking in with me. I actually feel more positive since speaking to you all, the kind words have benefited me a lot, and made me feel not so alone.
The physio came out today, and I did so well, I walked alot unaided, he was gobsmacked, and so was I lol. Maybe there's a light there after all?
A lovely poster has sent me credits to try out audio books too, thank you so much, I've not named you just incase you weren't comfy with that, but, know I really appreciate it :)

I'm actually feeling quite calm at the moment, wish I'd have come here sooner. Xx

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it. Be kind to yourself and take it easy.

I recently had surgery and in a country where I have few friends and no family. Well I didn’t even see the friends so had to get through it alone - pretty crappy! It would be harder for sure if I wasn’t mobile though.

I hope you are enjoying the audiobooks. Podcasts are also great.

This is such a delight of a thread to read - not your distress OP! But the comfort given and I’m so thankful you had a better day and that it helped.

Solidarity from one non-sleeper to another in the early hours of the morning!

Your posts really remind me of the dark few days / week I had immediately post-partum - just the total inability to sleep and being so so SO alone. I got properly afraid of the nightime and being alone and awake for so many hours (worrying about the baby who wasn’t feeding too) - I’d get this awful panicked anxiety as it got to the evening and I couldn’t face going upstairs to bed as that was the location of the trauma - sounds like the sofa is yours.

Especially if you’re chemically imbalanced from the morphine and vitamin deficiencies - that will have you so low and I really massively sympathise. It’s hard to even remember how dark that time was now it’s passed… which is hope in itself! It does pass and you suddenly can’t think how it could possibly have been that bad. I wish that for you!

Also I’m sure you already know that your husband should be taking better care of you xxx It’s in the vows

Glad to hear you are feeling brighter. Just the low sodium and low vit d would be enough to cause problems so no wonder you have struggled. Sounds like you might be up and about a bit more now, but try and give yourself a bit of structure in your day, teach yourself to crochet or knit, I think it helps to havd something to focus on

Thank you, I'm so glad I reached out, the comfort brought has been incredible. I'm still awake and watching surgeries, as you do not weird honest
I'm glad all has settled for you x

Another reluctant owl sending thoughts @Loopylou4 .

I was a sleep at 11 wake up naturally at 7 person until last year, got sepsis, 2 weeks in hospital, screwed up my sleep, sepsis caused cardiac problems, screwed it up futher, massive doses of beta blockers screwed.. you get the gist! I've done a LOT of reading 😂 and found a new love of historical type detective fiction. Have many recs if it's your sort of thing!

It sounds like you're making amazing progress with your recovery and hoping it won't be long until you can get to your own bed and things are truly normal again

So pleased to hear the physio appointment went well, LoopyLou! 👏🏻 You are stronger than you think.
Sunny morning here - sending some of it to you for ongoing recovery, along with a little Sheenagh Pugh ✨🌻 😎

I understand. My husband has been chair bound almost for 10 months unable to do anything except listen to the radio and stare at the walls. It’s horrific.

Try to remember that your condition is time bound. It’s not forever and you’ll be healed relatively soon and can then move on.

And more practically, if you are this Vitamin D deficient, according to the available data, you should be taking a much higher ‘loading dose’. 2000IU a day is way too low to correct a deficiency this severe. Can I very tentatively suggest a phonecall with your GP to ask them what dose would be optimal given your current levels?

Example of one NHS protocol included to illustrate what I mean. Looking at the flowchart on page 2 - assuming no contraindications, the loading dose here for people with D levels under 25 nmol/L is 20,000IU twice a week for 7 weeks!
https://share.google/gFLY5j1bs6ttoGB56

Getting your Vit D levels up fast will help no end in supporting wellbeing.

I had a loading dose of 40000 a day for a week, and the 2000 now is maintenance , but surly like you say, they couldn't correct a 7.7 deficiency in a few weeks?

Glad you had a loading dose - your body can store Vitamin D so it is possible the deficiency has now corrected - only way to know is to retest and I’m sure they will want to arrange that after a specified period. I am constantly harping on about Vitamin D to people 🙈
Did they test iron and thyroid too? Deficiency in both of those can really mess with your chi.

How’re you doing @Loopylou4?

i’m a terrible sleeper at the best of times and know the tired / can’t sleep / worry about not sleeping / can’t sleep cycle well. I sometimes just lie still and quiet and tell myself it’s second best to actually sleep. But I’ve got a busy mind and it’s hard to switch off.

this is a Spotify playlist that’s allegedly has specific frequencies to aid rest. I need silence to sleep so it didn’t work for me. But it might for you?

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7vBaajEoq9EHsz1iRhAdPA?si=kwcNcqEaT-Sw2mi3MvKnJg&utm_source=copy-link&pi=aK65ZH98TeqV5

Oh well done on the physio, that must have felt a huge (literal) step forward. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you're on your way!