I don't feel good. Think I'll just spew here, because I don't even know how to explain m my feelings

[Loopylou4]

4 months ago i broke my femur. Before that i was feeling quite ill, but I'm terrified of doctors etc so I didn't make an apt. When I got taken in i was found to have very low vitamin d and dangerously low sodium.
Spent 6 nights in there
Anyway, very long story very short, I'm broken, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, i live on the sofa, I'm so sad, I had to call mental health crisis team because I felt su..dal.
Thankfully that turned out that I was trying to take myself off morphine too quick, and it was causing emotional crash, so now I have a tapering regiment with the pharmacist. I've honestly never felt so alone, the friends you think you have? Well, not so much really.
I don't even know what I'm asking and sorry this is garbled, I'm just trying to reach out.
Thank you if you got this far

Sending all best healing vibes to you OP - hope today was ok. ✨
In the words of the old Compline service, may you be granted a quiet night and a perfect end. 🌌

Mumsnet can be full of so much awfulness at times, it’s really lovely to read threads like this full of kind hearted people being empathetic and thoughtful.

OP, it does sound like you’ve been through a lot. Being on heavy duty pain killers really messes with your emotional state, especially tapering off. I’ve been on them a few times and I always get very teary and emotional coming off them. That said, I don’t want to minimise your situation which sounds very rough, I hope things improve as you slowly get your life back.

Is your husband supportive before he goes up to bed early?

You sound like you’ve really been through the wringer and need all your energy for your recovery, so maybe you want to give this some proper thought once you’re a bit stronger, but… do you think part of the reason you’re feeling so low is that you’re married to a complete bastard?

Sounds like you are starting to feel better however I was going to add about the podcasts. I find them great to switch off and listen to when not got capacity to read. What sort of things do you like, maybe we could recommend some good ones as I find it a bit overwhelming even looking at the options sometimes!

I'm sorry, you both have my sympathy

Thanks bibbity. How long do you think I can expect to feel like this? I'm down from 20ml a day to 16 ml. The plan is to continue like this for the next week, then drop another 0.5 etc

It's so weird how your body just does stops you reading isn't it? It used to be my fave ever thing, but since the surgery, I've managed to read one cathy glass book, and that's only coz I've been waiting for it for 6 months. Just don't have the capacity it seems. However a lovely mnetter has sent me credits for audio book

I'm not going to say no tbh

Thinking of you OP.

It's good to see updates that you are feeling a bit better.

Well done for reaching out and engaging.

A friend recommended Sue Grafton's book when I was hospitalised. They are easy reading and there's 25 in the alphabet series - A is for Alibi, B is for Burglar etc.

Glad you did so well for your physio, have you got a continuous exercise plan?

love this. You are so lovely @OrdinaryGirl

👋

Just thought I’d say “Hello” to you from my insomnia. (I’m not quite ready for “Good morning” 🥱)

I’m going to listen to an audiobooks ok to try and fall asleep again. Something unexciting, that I know quite well, so I won’t stay awake FOMO. An Austen, maybe, or an Alan Bennet.

G’night 👋

Sorry you feel like shit. If it makes you feel any better I also do. Have been battling PTSD and although vastly improved still have down days, especially if sleep as been bad the previous night. I have found that chamomile tea is good for the anxiety and sleep as well as melatonin.

Sending you lots of good luck in your recovery.
I'm also an avid reader who can't seem to pick up a book at the moment due to some crappy stuff going on. I've inexpectedly found watching documentaries really fascinating and strangely comforting, learning about peoples' lives and struggles. This is my last few weeks' worth, all on BBC Iplayer:

Aberfan, The Village That Fought Back.
Once Upon A Time In Northern Ireland, 5 or 6 part series.
Shooting The Darkness. Looks at The Troubles from perspective of the photographers who covered it.
Highland Cops. Lots of episodes to keep you going!
Eva Longoria' food/travel programs are lovely to watch, she has a very warm way about her.

See if mental health can refer you to anything. What about an online fortnightly nationwide womens group like Lucy Raynor Foundation?

I am getting over a virus and it is relentless but take it day by day. I just lost myself in a novel for two days and it gave me a chance to rest and escape. Nighttime is the worst as my pain flares up.

Hello!

Do you have the Headspace app? I have found that useful in the past with pain from migraines when I am at my wits end. Lots of different meditations to try. Not sure if you work but does your workplace offer any type of counselling or support? I found when recovering from glandular fever/ chronic fatigue that a good rant to a counsellor was just the tonic.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Hey paper, how are you? What time will you try and sleep? If you want, tell me what your evening's look like, only if you want to of course

I shall look, I have heard of it, it's it expensive?

Oh brick, I'm sorry, I also suffer with that. Always here if you want to chat

Hi everyone. Sorry if I've not replied, I try to, but it's such a different format now, my tiny brain gets confused with all the quoting etc lol. How long has everyone been here for? I was here in the days of anyfker and some zina person who seemed to cause havoc lol. I'm quite chilled at the moment, I look forward to popping in of an evening :)

Sorry you are having such a tough time OP

Being stuck in the same environment drives you potty.

Someone upthread suggested and I agree trying to break the day into chunks is a good idea.

A few hours, or however long you can manage of sitting in one chair watching tv. Moving to the sofa and catching up on MN. Move again to read or listen to an audio book.

I always suggest cross stitch. I have got quite a few people into it when stuck recovering. It doesn't require that much thought and kits are pretty cheap. Just gives you something to bypass the boredness threshold of your brain.

While eating nutritious food is excellent for recovery- a few treats are needed too. I usually try to have really nice "good" food like mango or raspberries. As well as a bit of chocolate. I can usually eat my weight in crudites and hummus as well
I make sure to be well hydrated especially when on serious meds like morphine.

Morphine and steroids are the two medications that absolutely mess with your head. Tapering will help loads, even though it may feel horrible it will be much better this way, as youve already found out.

Im sorry you have had to find out the most awful way about how friendships are a bit fickle. Maybe some of these will be recoverable. Some people are just shit around illness. Nothing to dwell on now - but if people are special to you let them know when you are better.

DH could be an arse, or he could be struggling- not for me to say. Mine has been both over the years when I have been ill.

I am also an avid reader and struggle a lot when im ill. I usually end up rereading old favourites, then it doesn't matter so much when I get hopelessly lost.

As you seem to be a fan of hospital stuff House MD and ER are both on Netflix and have tons of seasons.
Also Schitts creek, 30 Rock and The Middle are great mindless comedies.

So glad your physio has gone well and I hope you can get upstairs soon. A change of place will feel amazing

Thanks so much pure. I'll look at what you've suggested. I'm getting quite curious about cross stitch now a few have recommended it, I'll look at amazon. And re reading books is also a good idea, i love Cathy glass books, a great read and strangely comforting and coz I know I've read them before, it should be easier

I get it through work so I’m not sure! Sorry.

Me too! I namechange a lot, though.

I dislike the app, but at least it’s cleaner than the desktop site. The app works better on my android tablet than on my iPhone.