My daughter is in an interracial relationship and everyone is so racist

[Dinnx]

Hello everyone, I really hoped I'd never had to make a post like this but here I am. As the title says, my daughter who is 15 is in a relationship with a black guy from her school. For some reason, that is a problem for many people around us. She's been with him for about 7 months and in that time so many people have just started to be horribly racist.

The kids at her school have started calling her horrible names such as "mudshark" and started making fun of the way she dresses, talks and the music she listens to. My own sister has talked to me and said how I'm insane letting her date him and dress like "ghetto" and that he will hurt her, which is absolutely disgusting to say. I don't think that there's anything wrong with her dating him and engaging in the culture, on the contrary I think it's amazing, but the pressure is getting sort of hard to manage.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I'd love advice on how I should go about supporting my daughter despite everyone being against her for no reason.

God that's awful OP. What a nasty community.

Shame on your sister. I would give her short shrift.

No advice for your daughter other than to emphasise as long as her relationship is happy and healthy,ignore the asshole comments.

I think when you are white it is really disturbing to find out the level of racism still prevelant in society. One of my daughters currently has a non white boyfriend who used to work in the NHS and being called 'p**i' by patients was standard for him, apparantly. I was so shocked, I had no idea about the huge level of ignorance and racism in the general public as I live a life insultated from such views.

yeah hearing racist nonsense from strangers is one thing but then your sister went full Reform about it. how does your daughter feel about talking to the school because this is unacceptable behaviour and language from the other pupils?

(i'm so glad she has you as a mum and not your sister)

Absolutely. I’m white, my husband isn’t and it’s absolutely mind blowing the amount of every day racism that people who aren’t white encounter. Things that you would never ever think about.

We’ve been evicted because they ‘didn’t realise’…told to me in a confiding way like because I am white, I’d be on their side. My daughter had had a punnet of blackberries she was picking in the park taken off her because it’s ’not allowed’. My dd was put in isolation for having blonde extensions because the rule is, you can’t have hair that is an unatural colour and she’s not capable of having blonde hair. But white girls can dye their hair blonde . My dh stopped going jogging and had to join the gym because he was stopped by the police so many times for running.

Oh bloodyhell. I remember in the 90s thinking all this jullshit would have stopped by now. Actually think it’s worse now. I live in a very liberal area. Where in the country are you OP out of interest?

I think it worse now than ever isn’t it. I’m white but I’m hearing more and more racism day to day from clients than I ever heard even 5 years ago. I work with adults with dementia so often with lower filters as to what they say. I think the constant right wing racist narrative that seems to be so dominant right now has really given license to people to say whatever they want. It’s sickening just how horrid so many people are.

Not sure if this is the best place for support these days.

Sorry to say.

Yes. My white DS has been dating a black girl for a couple of years now. I actually worry for their safety when they are out together, especially as he is very protective of her and would get into a fight if she was threatened. They have been pushed into deliberately, called names etc. He has been shocked that things are as bad as they are. It's very depressing.

One of my exes was black (I'm white) and this was when I was living in London - it was eye-opening. Not so much of a cultural melting pot as it seemed.

Edited to say - in your situation I would tell my sister that I was thoroughly ashamed of her and then maintain a distance. In terms of school presumably there are channels that you can go through to report this behaviour?

I'm sorry things aren't improving. My dsis is married to a man of Indian heritage, and when they were house hunting she had to go alone, because they saw him and refused to enter negotiations, apparently afraid he would haggle on exchange day. These are people who wouldn't consider themselves racist.

Racism is pathetic. It's ignorant. There are plenty of white people against it. You need to find those people. Who'd want to listen to or take on board anything a racist had to say.

My youngest dd who is only 15 appears to be more physically attracted to black males. No problem with it at all. You like who you like. So long as they’re respectful to each other that’s all that matters. Actually can’t believe it’s 2026 and race is still a factor given how much unhappiness there is in the world.

I am Indian DH is white. Racism has always been here, but in my view has increased in recent times, with the rise of far right politics. Consider if you need any type of relationship with anyone who expresses significant racist views. In my experience, it is unlikely to be their only area of toxicity. If racism is present in the school environment I would complain sooner rather than later.

Exactly right, as a white person you tend to be pretty protected.

I’ve been stunned by the amount of casual antisemitism out there, presumably I don’t look like I would be offended by it? And yet I am.

Did you ask your sister what she meant by he'll hurt her?
Has your daughter had a big image change lately and your sister is putting it down to her boyfriend, rather than her just being a teenager finding her style? Call her out on these comments next time, ask what she means and why?

The racism at school needs raising with school.

This thread is so upsetting. How can we be back in the 1970s again?

One reason why I like Mumsnet is to read the opinions, viewpoints and experiences of others, especially those from outside London because I feel we Londoners live in such a bubble. Presently, I am not liking what I am seeing.

Good point. Racists are idiotic people.

I’ve mentioned this somewhere here before I think - I lived in London around the turn of the century and had planned to meet a friend at the Tube station. Through a miscommunication he was outside and I was inside so I stood there for half an hour watching everyone who came through the gates.

There was a random ticket check going on at the same time - except it wasn’t random, they were only checking Black and Asian men. Back then the machine used to swallow your travelcard if it was a single trip one and I remember them hassling one guy who had put his card in to get through the gates, had it swallowed, and they then demanded to see it! It was madness.

I had never doubted people’s stories of being targeted but that night made it so clear to me that institutionalised racism was (and is) still very much a thing.

the vullying needs reporting, the sister needs to be told to shut up or keep away.

Disgusting. I would raise with school. And I would distance myself from my racist sister.

I struggle to believe this. I married a black guy in the early 80s - it was sometimes difficult but not too bad. Although I think racism has increased and seems almost acceptable now so I probably shouldn't be so surprised.

I have no words of wisdom I'm afraid. Can you speak to the school as a first?

It's awful OP.

My adult son has been dating a black woman for around 2.5 years and has binned three so called 'friends', due to their racist remarks.

How does your sister know he will hurt her? I think you could absolutely challenge her on it. Are there any other family members who are not racist who could back you up?

I have no words of wisdom but sending solidarity.

Wow I’m shocked at this. I live in Dudley in the West Midlands and I can honestly say it’s not something we experience here, I’ve always felt very safe walking the area with my husband and don’t feel we are treated any differently. It’s very sad how this can vary from area to area.

I’ve dated black guys (I’m white) all my life and never experienced anything negative.