My daughter is in an interracial relationship and everyone is so racist

[Dinnx]

Hello everyone, I really hoped I'd never had to make a post like this but here I am. As the title says, my daughter who is 15 is in a relationship with a black guy from her school. For some reason, that is a problem for many people around us. She's been with him for about 7 months and in that time so many people have just started to be horribly racist.

The kids at her school have started calling her horrible names such as "mudshark" and started making fun of the way she dresses, talks and the music she listens to. My own sister has talked to me and said how I'm insane letting her date him and dress like "ghetto" and that he will hurt her, which is absolutely disgusting to say. I don't think that there's anything wrong with her dating him and engaging in the culture, on the contrary I think it's amazing, but the pressure is getting sort of hard to manage.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I'd love advice on how I should go about supporting my daughter despite everyone being against her for no reason.

I don't think it is a red flag at all for teenagers to experiment with their style. Why do you think the style the girl has adopted is not her own? The racist aunt is the one I'd be worrying about

Depends if she's adopted it before/ independently of the boyfriend.

If it was not an interracial relationship, and a white girl suddenly became full emo to align with her boyfriend or a black girl who hadn't previously been even vaguely into hip hop culture was suddenly fully immersed, at the expense of her own hobbies and social circles, as soon as she got with a new boyfriend who was, I'd have the same concerns.

The word 'ghetto' may not be the most appropriate way to describe the boyfriends culture and sense of identity, but that doesn't mean the Aunt is wrong, her concerns may be reasonable, and not overtly racist. There isn't enough infomation to say either way.

engaging in the culture ?

its probably this more than the guy being black. Not every black person has some “other” culture.

I am so sorry. We've never experienced this with any members of our family, at least not to our faces, yet. A white friend of mine, whose ex partner was brown, said some of her family made unsettling comments in the past, but they were always loving and welcoming to her daughter. I'm saying that because she was worried, but they did change and become better people once the kid arrived, and you might find that as people get to know your daughter's bf better, they change.
While I wouldn't vote for Reform, one of the heartening things I have seen, on social media and irl, is that a lot of those who do seem to support them have put positive messages about Black candidates and Zia.
None of these things make what she's going through ok, of course, and again, I'm sorry and hope they change.

We’re an interracial family - live in large city in UK. I’m white, DH African origin and DS mixed race - looks more like me than DH.

feel mostly safe in our local community, although live in mostly MC area where the racism tends to take a slightly different tone.

majority of neighbours avoid us, won’t have much to do with us, but are then overwhelmingly friendly when an all white couple moved to the street. Older neighbour intrusively asked how we afforded our house!!!

DH landed new job at local gov- got told by security that the cleaners entrance was around the back on the first day.

when we were first dating and young he’d be refused entry to bars / clubs for no real reason.

We’re too scared to get a nice car because we know he’ll get stopped whilst driving it.

Mums at school have referred to him as ‘looking hard’ or ‘looks like he could handle himself’ always some soft version of aggressive, this couldn’t be further from the truth!

Every summer I’ll get the ‘you should put more sunscreen on him’ about my son comment off a white woman 50 plus….every year without fail….

I don't agree. If they choose to dress like their friends it's presumably because they feel drawn to that 'tribe'' rather than they've been coerced.

My friend (3rd generation Afro Caribbean) said only on Saturday that she was so glad she lived in our town because nobody bats an eyelid at what skin colour, sexuality, nationality, pronouns, gender identity etc you are. It’s not particularly diverse but it’s very accepting of everyone. Our mp is mixed race too. I think a combination of far right politics and ignorance are causing more problems in some areas but please be assured most people are not like your sister op. We want people to be happy that’s all.

You can report it to the school and demand they act and report it to the police as a hate crime.

It is worse now than it was nearly 30 years ago when me and my husband married.

I used to think most white people weren't racist.

I no longer think that.

Im white, all my children are mixed caribbean and aged between 27 and 5, and i have the worst of racism from 35-70 year old white men. I am so sick of it. We are a good family, quiet, gentle and respectful, yet these dirty lot just cant help pick a problem with us. The people we get get along best with consistently are non white English. And sadly I have become (mostly) racist against my own race.

I have mixed race relatives but I don't know if they have had any comments, living in a small rural area, because they are quite private. I imagine that they might have.

My dad is a bit racist and I call him out on it. He thinks Rupert Lowe is marvellous which I'm blaming on his excessive use of Facebook (He's a Boomer). With the rise of the far-right it seems to be acceptable to say racist shit out loud again.

I would speak to your daughter's Head of Year with your concerns. Maybe an anti racism assembly or a class seminar might help call this out. Meanwhile distance yourself from toxic relatives and be there to support your daughter and her bf.

OP still not come back to the thread yet then?

Yeah, this happens in my family as well, with the older subset - a couple aunts give my cousins a very hard time and then are baffled about why the girls want nothing to do with them.

I am white, and have had both brown and black boyfriends (back in the '90's and later 2000's) The first time I walked along a busy Southbank with my black bf (who I adored and did not have a bad bone in his body) I heard someone mutter 'p' or similar under his breath (it was the man in the couple who passed us) I could barely believe I'd heard it. Bf hadn't. I couldn't react. I was so very very shocked and I was not some ingénue, I lived in Brixton ! It wasn't the last time. I started to develop my "racist radar" very quickly. Tell your daughter not to buckle OP and talk it through with her as much as she wants to. And, if she likes Taylor, shake it off ! Cos haters gonna hate hate hate....but sadly it's likely to a rougher ride than I had. You sound like a great mum 👏👏

I absolutely agree. Btw I love your userna...

Not the point of the thread I know but it’s not just the UK. I lived abroad for a good few years and ended up marrying a local. Whenever we visited his parents I’d be stared at in his village, kids followed me around like the pied piper and we’d get loads of racist comments when out and about.

There's far too many racist c**ts in the UK.

another post just to make it clear that the Aunt is racist. not concerned, not coming from love. coming from big ‘ol’ racism.

I hear every week from my white daughter how most of her school friends (also white) make casually racist comments. And they are the "nice" middle class kids. Some of the
language and behaviour from kids outside her friendship group are much worse. It's awful.

I don't want to diminish your experience, and what your daughter and her boyfriend are going through is completely unacceptable. I hope you get your sister to pipe down! 😔

I'd just like to share my experience because I don't think it would be fair to paint a picture of the whole of the UK being full of racists 🧡

My partner is brown, and I'm white. We've lived in London for almost 15 years.

He has been targeted because of his skin colour once. I've been targeted because of mine 5–6 times. Any number is too many, but I wouldn't say it's a daily occurrence.

He has been told several times not to marry a white person. Not by his family, but by strangers. I've never been told by anyone not to marry him because of his skin colour.

I have to say, I've witnessed far more antisemitism. Neither of us is Jewish.

I'm not saying racism doesn't exist. It does.

Growing up, my best friend was Black, and there were plenty of racist bouncers back in the day. Our nights out rarely ended well.

But I feel things are much better now... At least in London 😊

Neighbours either side rampant racists fully paid up reform members . Both older males . One is poorly but refuses to see anyone not pure white ( his words ) in the NHS . His wife is dying and he is dependant on her I'm afraid he will get an almighty shock in a care home ( I worked in many staff were all creeds and colours and the most uncaring ones I encountered were ' pure white ')
I have lovely mixed race relatives and have run out of arguments . Neither man is very bright and they have been brainwashed in my opinion

Neither man is very bright and they have been brainwashed in my opinion

had a little internal giggle about how appalled my dad looked when he saw all the different colours of the carers in the care home. the irony being that my dad was a horrible person yet felt superior somehow to someone because of skin colour. i wonder if that’s part of the appeal. if you’re racist you feel better than another group of people without even having to get out of bed. and humans love a shortcut.

also, if you’re white you cannot be a victim of racism in this country. you just can’t.

Mud shark? In 2026? By teenagers? That’s strange

Just awful. Doesn't surprise me sadly.

I know people blame Reform but I think many peoplw are racist anyway and this just makes them feel easier about expressing it.

That is awful behaviour. Tell her to ignore these horrible people and you are proud of her. Nobody has the right to treat anyone like that. Can you report these incidents to the school or police? Nobody has to endure this kind of abuse.