My daughter is in an interracial relationship and everyone is so racist

[Dinnx]

Hello everyone, I really hoped I'd never had to make a post like this but here I am. As the title says, my daughter who is 15 is in a relationship with a black guy from her school. For some reason, that is a problem for many people around us. She's been with him for about 7 months and in that time so many people have just started to be horribly racist.

The kids at her school have started calling her horrible names such as "mudshark" and started making fun of the way she dresses, talks and the music she listens to. My own sister has talked to me and said how I'm insane letting her date him and dress like "ghetto" and that he will hurt her, which is absolutely disgusting to say. I don't think that there's anything wrong with her dating him and engaging in the culture, on the contrary I think it's amazing, but the pressure is getting sort of hard to manage.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? I'd love advice on how I should go about supporting my daughter despite everyone being against her for no reason.

It's sickening.
I'm white. My sibling was married to a black person (I'm keeping things vague to avoid anyone being outed) and their children are mixed. One of the children is dating someone black. The area they live in isn't too bad, but when I've been out with them I've noticed the odd tut and muttering, or people looking longer than is necessary and not in a pleasant way.
I notice it more when I'm out with a friend of mine who is black, and very dark-skinned. I've walked down the street with them and had people cross over the road to avoid us.
In the recent past, they have had someone cross the road to spit on them. They've been verbally abused.
Another friend has been told to "go back where you come from". She's from here. She was born here. So were her parents. Her grandparents came over during the 1940s when we were importing people from 'the commonwealth' to do jobs as we were lacking labour.
I've had to pull people up on speaking to me about other nationalities and faiths in extremely offensive terms, when they've assumed that because I'm white, I'll agree.

I'm worried for my family in this climate.

I think you go about supporting your daughter by telling her not to take any notice of those fuckwits who are stuck in the last century, and by openly and very loudly and confidently calling out and shutting up any comments that you yourself hear. Let your daughter see and hear you put them in their place.

Bloody hell, I think the UK is worse now than what it was years ago.
My SIL married 2 black men (not at the same time) back in the 70's, and has three children, all adults now.
As far as I know, they didn't suffer from racism, none that they felt worth mentioning and none that bothered them.

This thread has really made me think.

when they've assumed that because I'm white, I'll agree.

i get this with customers. i pull them up and it doesn’t happen again. sometimes if a customer says anything that seems like they’re testing the water i’ll casually start gushing about how awful the news is about something terrible a Reform candidate has done just to make it clear who i am. and i’ll be like ‘how can people talk and behave like that, isn't it awful, so much hate out there, so sad’ etc etc. i can do this until they get the message.

Yep. People are feeling free to express opinions that they'd have kept to themselves before. There are people in my life that I've known for decades and never suspected of racism, who have shocked me recently. It's scary. And social media at the moment is terrifying.

My (white) nephew recently married an Indian girl (born here). I worry for her now.

my husband is Asian, we live in London and when we go to visit my family in Salisbury, we are often stared at. In fact neighbours to my mum often come out and watch my husband, as if he is about to do something bad every time he turns up. It's so blatant it's horrible.

Ageism, ableism, sexism, sizeism.

Many of us belong to one of the clubs, but we choose to roll with it.

No biggie.

I'd be concerned about her taking on the 'identity' and culture of her boyfriend, rather than simply accepting it, at the expense of her own whatever his skin colour and identity is. She should not to loose her sense of self in a romantic relationship - important life lesson.

This is awful. It is actually worse than the 70s and 80s.

Maybe she just likes the same fashions as him. I doubt she's dressing as a Masai warrior.

Blimey, where do you live?

Me too. I remember my slightly older cousin ( we are both in our 60s now) having issues back in the 80s/90s when she (white) dated a black guy. Heckling on the street and similar. Her parents lived in West London, we were both SE London, so not tiny villages. I am sorry for your dd. She needs to do what she is comfortable with, but I hope they are able to keep talking it through. As for family, they need to do one.

I think we are going through a bad time with these things being openly promoted. The whole 'flags are just people being proud of their country' did not help matters, IMO, it just fed into the whole small boats narrative, then all migrants, then all ethnicities.

One good thing is there's lots of mixed race couples everywhere, which is different than in the 70's. I see lots of diverse couples, especially in London, all young people, also middle-aged couples. Once she's out of school, I hope this will get better, school up to 16 seems to be the worst for homophobia, racism and sexism. Secondary schools are awful places.

Directly challenge your sister, support your daughter.

I have had this when meeting up with a friend am male (gay) white she is black African the looks we get on the bus is shocking and that's in Edinburgh.

There have been groups of young kids ( 13-15) egging anyone who's not white in the streets here as well even on main streets like princes street been reported many times and police do nothing

its bad enough when your gay at times must be so hard for anyone not white around here

Social media is shocking. Openly racist views everywhere. I feel like we are going back to the signs on pubs.. no Irish etc and people not feeling safe walking around
it seems ok to accuse anyone who isn’t white of being an illegal immigrant and shout abuse or assault them just because of their skin colour

Do you live in a small, non diverse town? Your own sister disapproves because of her racism?

Would agree with that. A big red flag IMO.

Surely we've all done that as teenagers - got really into some obscure band or starting reading Iain Banks because our boyfriend thought it was cool. I agree it's something to grow out of, but I say it's developmentally normal.

If she likes those things before they got together and independently of the relationship, fine. If he takes an equal interest in her identity also, fine. But it is not uncommon for women to loose who they are when the get in to the wrong relationship. Race is irrelevant.

But you introduced this when the thread is about an interracial couple. It's normal for teenagers to try out the style of clothing, music etc of the people they hang around with. It doesn't mean they have given up their identity.

Yes but presumably part of growing out of it involves the problem being identified by trusted relatives like Aunts.

this is also my experience!

I dont think the aunt is to be trusted at all by the sound of it. My own sister has talked to me and said how I'm insane letting her date him and dress like "ghetto" and that he will hurt her, which is absolutely disgusting to say this is not someone to be trusted, this is a racist.

So red flags for non interracial relationships should be ignored for interracial couples. It is a potential redflag in any relationship.

I’m sorry OP this is awful! I was in an interracial relationship in 1987, the only person with a problem with it was my gran who was in her 90’s! We were together for 14 years and never encountered any problems other than when we were in the States!
The Country has gone backwards! ☹️