Tell me you have kids without telling me you have kids

[worldshottestmom]

I have a rotating spice rack permanently living in my bathroom. All of the jars are filled with different coloured water and disintegrated crayon remnants.

Guess their ages (2 children) if you're feeling lucky. I'll try and guess yours, too! (When I'm not busy changing the old spice rack crayon water with new crayon water)

3 micro mini cars fell out of the cupboard where we keep the loo roll in the bathroom...I've hoovered up earth from the floor around the potted plants 3 times today 🤣

There is melted Babybel wax now permanently welded into both rear car door pockets.

Despite my best efforts, I inevitably find rocks, stickers and hot wheels every time I empty the washing machine...

I have no money.

I still look pregnant

Every purse and bag has a granola bar/goldfish/pretzel xrumbs

I have emergency chocolate inside a half empty bag of frozen brocoli in the back of the bottom drawer of my freezer

I reached into my handbag for my keys and came out with a plastic dinosaur, a rock, 3 hairbands and a half eaten packet of raisins.

Huge kit bags dumped in the hall containing wet and muddy items of clothing waiting to be emptied.

My handbag is full of conkers and the free crayons you get in Wetherspoons.

I haven't slept through the night this decade.

I once had to look for a lost verucca.

I have to prepare in advance before sneezing.

I have no money.

Work colleague complimented my stickers... DD had decorated the back of my jumper during the morning rush to get out of the house 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

Mine decorated my jumper with seven Tesco yellow sticker labels and I walked around a soccer pitch trying to find her brother with seven “reduced “ stickers dotted across my back 🤣🤣🤣

Got to love kids... never a dull moment 🤣🤣🤣

95% of my monthly net income goes straight to a pot for DC current uni accommodation and tuition fees. Literally 95%. Luckily DH feeds me and takes me on holiday or I’d be stuffed.

Hands up if you have NHS trauma?

On my own in Sainsbury’s once, I accidentally collided with another shopping trolley being wheeled round the corner and exclaimed in a jolly voice “Oops, bump!”.

I was just handed a soggy banana skin

When DS1 was a toddler, I went to work with a small square of Marmite and butter on toast literally stuck to my cheek. I was so sleep deprived I did not realise. A colleague gently peeled it off my face then got a tissue with warm water to remove the Marmitey residue.

All the pictures I take with my phone have a soft focus because the lens is always smeared with god only knows what,

Every floor in my house seems to be permanently coated in a light dusting of sand.

Even though mine are teenagers I never go anywhere without a pack of wet wipes. Ok not that weird I suppose but I do think if you need a wet wipe ask someone who has kids however old they are.