Tell me you have kids without telling me you have kids

[worldshottestmom]

I have a rotating spice rack permanently living in my bathroom. All of the jars are filled with different coloured water and disintegrated crayon remnants.

Guess their ages (2 children) if you're feeling lucky. I'll try and guess yours, too! (When I'm not busy changing the old spice rack crayon water with new crayon water)

I felt my bathtime privacy to be quite encroached upon by a row of plastic dogs and cats eyeing me impassively from the tap end.

I navigate the upstairs rooms through a hazy mist of Lynx Africa and yesterday relearned the minimum legal tread depth of a tyre. I carry my belongings around in a collection of free university tote bags.

Content warning

I have to supervise the removal of knob cheese in the morning (or it doesn't get done and there are physical problems later).

😖

😆

We once emptied a municipal swimming pool when the swim nappy failed

I play board games, do crafts or colouring before 7am.

There are mini packs of tissues and wet wipes and a mini snack in every bag and car.

When a see a small truck thingy in the city centre slowly driving along the side of the road cleaning the gutters I think "Oh theres a noo noo" and I want to tell someone.

I've got that but it's due to the dog and the husband.

Can’t go on a car journey without shouting tractor! Fire engine! Postbox,

Stickers.

Everywhere.

My living room carpet is multi-coloured... it wasn't when I bought it.

My fridge is full of empty food packets and milk jugs (except they have the smallest trace of food or drink left in them). My car’s petrol tank is likely almost empty. There are 14 pairs of shoes in a jumble next to the front door. My house has the wifi usage of a small town

The inside of my vaccum cleaner looks like a Lego randoms store.

Under the sofa is a piece of wooden train track. It's been there for 7 weeks.

I know every type of biscuit bar on the multipack aisle in the supermarket.

My kitchen cupboard is filled with lunch boxes and water bottles…

I have baby wipes in every room ready for use.

I woke up with a toy soldier stuck to my arse!

I’m permanently tired and have no time.

God that's hilarious

I have bowls and tupperware boxes around my house filled with conkers, too. Solidarity.

I'd be suspicious if I didn't wake up with a toy soldier stuck to my arse. Though instead of soldiers, I have nerf bullets.

I can't bring myself to look under my sofa tbqh. I shove the hoover under, it gets blocked, I pour a wine and call it a day.

I have never related to something so hard in my life. I thought it was just my front door that had a mountain of shoes next to it. Why I don't remove the ones barely used, I don't know. They belong to the shoe mountain now.

Food disappears VERY quickly in our house.

Didn't think the regular stickers could be topped but yep that does it lmfao hilarious