Tell me you have kids without telling me you have kids

[worldshottestmom]

I have a rotating spice rack permanently living in my bathroom. All of the jars are filled with different coloured water and disintegrated crayon remnants.

Guess their ages (2 children) if you're feeling lucky. I'll try and guess yours, too! (When I'm not busy changing the old spice rack crayon water with new crayon water)

Can I also add:

my windows are covered in hand-prints and smudges and even if I vacuumed twice a day there'd still be crumbs everywhere. 🤦‍♀️

omg, I was in a meeting yesterday and the guy beside me began sneezing. I instinctively rummaged into my bag and offered him tissues. 😂😂😂

I rue the day that I bought my son a guitar

At work and about to leave with a few colleagues to go to a meeting. Me, as we're gathering by the door: has everyone been to the toilet?

Im so glad it's not just my windows. I had to clean my hoover filters a few days ago which means I couldn't use it for 3 days until they dried. Luckily, I had the sense last year to get a back-up hoover. If I went a day without hoovering I dread to think what would be living in my carpets by morning 😪

Hahaha think I might start asking this before meetings begin, cos there's always one... (and it's usually me)

You can't mess with their stones. More precious than the crown jewels. My son has a pet rock named Larry, that he puts "in bed" (a cushion on the floor, with a tea towel on top) at night. He also likes to "walk" him in the garden when we play outside. I have tried to allocate him permanent residence in the cupboard, but apparently Larry finds it too dark and scary.

I'm coming to the realisation that a rock gets more grace and priority in my home than I do. Does it get better?

Had a lovely chat about a “hypothetical “
wedding party and wasn’t it traditional for the parents to pay .
“But I’m just moving in with him just now .. anything else will be ages away !”
They are just adorable together and quite capable of paying for their own wedding , but we will generously contributing

This is hilarious. Actually quite cute. I may encourage my 4yo to do likewise.

I am lying down stretching on the floor. Accompanying me are 4.5 pairs of shoes, Pikachu, a squishmallow, and a highly unflattering picture of me in bright colours called "this is how your face looks like in real life".

Oh and the other thing I can see is my mum tum, and no matter how many miles I run it still seems to be there 🤔

Every night I leave the house clean and tidy before turning in.

The next morning there are wet towels on the bathroom floor, hair clogging the shower plug, pots and pans in the kitchen sink and half the contents of my fridge have disappeared overnight.

I either have messy, greedy, inconsiderate ghosts or……

Lol be prepared to come second to a rock hahaha

I've got a spiderman canvas on my wall and every night he stares into my soul, like he is doing right now

My mum tum is also still firmly present

My handbag has a toy Ferrari and a mini etch-a-sketch in it at all times, buried among all the rice cake dust. I went clothes shopping in a European capital city today and 75% of what I bought features Snoopy or Bluey. If the house was burning down and the humans were safe the one thing I’d grab on my way out is ‘bun-bun’ (a small blanket with a rabbit head attached).

I've got two Marvel posters up in the living room. I hate Marvel.
I've got a Lion King poster up too and can't stand that either.

A bottle of conditioner lasts about 3 days...

Have you got everything...said as we leave a table or space anywhere even without the kids with us....

I own a robot vacuum which runs every morning at 4am and then again at 9am... and has been replaced 4 times when each one gives up the ghost!

Yellow car 🤜🏼 (no returns!)

My right boob leaks milk now and again

I had to treat myself for nits the other week 😭

I've just cooked pasta for pasta salad at 10:30 because I have to pack 2 lunches before 7:20 tomorrow when it's time t head for the bus stop and wraps / sandwiches / soup are no longer acceptable.

All my laundry baskets are overflowing and they were reasonably empty on the weekend.

I am knackered and in dire need of a new bra.

Teens, right?

90% of my laundry consists of adidas and Nike sports socks.

My air fryer has a permanent greasy residue of recently cooked frozen potato wedges

I have no money, haven’t had for decades.

Ikr! 😭

I still exclaim to myself whenever a train passes - "A TWAIN!"

Youngest is 24.