DS is ‘with his dad’ / ‘with my husband’

[Cla7]

Sorry, random thought this morning… if you want to say that your child is currently with their dad who is also your husband, what do you say? I never can decide…if I say ‘DS is with his dad’ then I wonder if people think we’re divorced. If I say ‘he’s with my husband’ then it sounds like my husband isn’t his dad. If I say ‘he’s with my husband who is also his dad’ then I feel I’m awkwardly over explaining. I sometimes mix it all up now because I can’t decide what I want to say, last week I told someone that my 2-year old is ‘with his husband’ 🤦‍♀️

I agree I also think this when I say “DS’s dad” to someone who doesn’t know us it sounds like we are not together. I don’t know why 🤔

I would just automatically say they are with their dad as that is their relationship

I would say out with your husbands first name

Just use his name?

I always find this tricky in an and e triage…. They asked who’s at home and I say me, ds, ds dad, my husband ….. they’re the same person…. And our other two daughters

I always always always sounds like I’m in a throuple

Glad it’s not only me 😂 I feel particularly this way if it’s a weekend, like when I’m out on a Saturday and say ‘DS is with his dad today’.

Stop over thinking. Your son is with his dad, job done.

But people who know you surely know that your husband is his dad? If they don’t know you and are asking I don’t think I’d give any thought to how they interpreted it tbh! But I guess you could say he’s at home with his dad? If it’s important that people know for sure that dad is your husband

😂🤣

“He’s at home with his dad”? Or, “my husband’s taken him to soft play this morning”? I know what you mean, but I’m not sure you can provide certainty for people in one sentence like that…

(My husband chided me the other day for referring to our child as “my daughter” in front of a new acquaintance, because he felt it implied he wasn’t her dad, so I do understand where you’re coming from.)

I have never thought about this. Outside perhpas of thr a&e example above, I will say whichever comes out and not think twice about whether that implies i am married or not or that my dh is also the child's father.

I also tend to assume that a partner is also the father, unless specifically told, and dont feel it necessary to check (again, outside of specific situations such as school forms or doctor or whatwver).

I feel like this too and always say ‘he’s with [husband’s name] or with my husband depending on whether the person knows my husband.

I think I would say 'Mr Dilemma's looking after him today' (first name obviously). If I said 'he's with his dad' I agree that I think it sounds like we're not together.

‘At home / softplay with dad’ sounds like a good solution to my problem. It’s mostly in situations where I talk to people I don’t know who wouldn’t know my husbands name.

I would just say he's at home but wouldn't specify any adult to be honest! I assume people understand my young child is with someone at home and not just left home alone as social services haven't ever come round.

But I have an older child who does go to their dads and would say 'At their dads' so I subconsciously have found a way to separate that without realising. Thanks for the Sunday morning ponder there OP!

Ah yes I have this every time. I deal with lots of 'professionals' related to DS and so it's genuinely relevant to them whether I'm married to his dad. So I always ended up saying both - 'he's with his dad. My husband.' Much easier once I know they know, in which case I use either.

I never used to think about it until I had reason to though!

I use his name if they know who he is, but otherwise ‘her dad’, and I agree it may sound like we’re not together.

I occasionally refer to him as ‘him indoors’ in jest, especially to men likely to refer to their wives as ‘the missus’ or similar.

You could say "Me, my husband and our children - DS & DDs"

I think I would interpret the contrary, ie that the two parents weren’t in a relationship if someone used words such as
”at his dads’ “ whereby you acknowledge his dad lives at a different location , rather than “at home”.
“ with his dad TODAY “ to imply that care is divided.
If spoken in front of a young child and I heard the word daddy for some reason I’d presume the parents were together whereas if a mother said “with your dad” I might think possibly not.

I suppose that if it were a situation where it was required to know the relationship status, I’d presume I would be asked directly, rather than me having to give the information.

If the person knows my husband, I'd say "they're with MrLexi"

If they do not know my husband/our living situation, I say "they're with their dad".

If someone feels the need to clarify if my husband is their dad like at the hospital or something, then I'd clarify.

But I wouldn't automatically feel the need to establish this information with someone. That is what I find interesting about this thread. I don't really care if someone assumes that we aren't together because I said "my husband" and not "their dad". It wouldn't have occurred to me that anyone would assume that from that information.

"He is with dad /John" depending if they know DP's name or not.

I think adding the 'his' (IE: "He is with his dad") makes it sound more like you aren't together, although not sure why?

I’d be terrified that SS knocks on my door if I said ‘DS is at home’ but that’s just me overthinking. I once said: ‘DS is at home….not on his own, obviously’ (awkward laugh)
.

But then many northerners and some of the "old school" East Enders refer to their parents as "my mum/dad" to their siblings. "I saw me mum down the road, she said to get the washing in".

Why does it matter what people who don't know you both are thinking? If there is a particular reason they need to know the precise relationship between your son and the person they are with (e.g. A&E), they will ask.

I think “with” does make it sound like you’re not together as it’s used a lot in that context -e.g. “he can’t go to X - he’s with his dad that weekend”. Not sure what’s better though other than if he’s at home then it doesn’t really matter if you say “at home with dad / with his dad / with my husband” as it suggests you share a home