DS is ‘with his dad’ / ‘with my husband’

[Cla7]

Sorry, random thought this morning… if you want to say that your child is currently with their dad who is also your husband, what do you say? I never can decide…if I say ‘DS is with his dad’ then I wonder if people think we’re divorced. If I say ‘he’s with my husband’ then it sounds like my husband isn’t his dad. If I say ‘he’s with my husband who is also his dad’ then I feel I’m awkwardly over explaining. I sometimes mix it all up now because I can’t decide what I want to say, last week I told someone that my 2-year old is ‘with his husband’ 🤦‍♀️

Actually that’s true, I never thought of this but ‘he’s with dad’ does sound like we’re together to me, whereas ‘he’s with his dad’ somehow not, especially in the context of it being a weekend, and even more if it’s ’he’s with his dad today’.

I always just said "She's with Claire", people either knew DPs name, or if they didn't, could work out from context that that's likely to be both DP and also DDs mum.

Not that I got asked that much obviously, because I'm a bloke and we're allowed by society to leave the house without our kids

Why wouldn't you just say he's with his dad?

But then I don't care what people think.

Sounds like you are in A&E constantly.

This is an excellent idea!! I think because of the times I’m in a and e I’m in such a fluster that I forget how to put words in the right order 🤣

I have three children, I’ve been a handful of times over 16 years, but always because of the kids - hence why they ask you who is at home! I’ve never been asked the question outside of triage 🤷🏻‍♀️

How about 'our son is with his dad today'.

You are way over thinking this. Say what you like, other people are probably not thinking anything at all about how you frame this

Why do you care so much about people who don’t know you?

I over think this also! Glad it's not just me 😂

When talking about the children I say ‘with his / her Dad’ if it’s someone we know I’d say they’re with and say his actual name, if talking to someone about my husband that doesn’t know him I’d say husband or if know him his name.

I wouldn't think most people would normally assume a child would be with the mum, not the dad, these days? If someone is suggesting it's odd he's not with you, I'd just say sarcastically that I'm so lucky, I've got an amazing husband who actually BABYSITS his own child occasionally.
Or if you mean a regular appointment, like swimming, that say you've only got your daughter at today because your son is ill and at home with your husband? I'd just say he's sick so at home.
If it's something like when you have to share the info, say if you're taking your daughter to hospital, and they ask, I'd just say both-he's with Paul, my husband/Kai's dad.

With (name). Even if people didn’t know DHs name it is sort of implied. But name makes it sound like we are together more than his dad.

“My husband has our son today”

That’s really interesting as I have a great (best friends) relationship with my ex-husband and I usually say that the children are “with their daddy” as I felt like it implied a better relationship between us.

Of course it doesn’t matter in the slightest what people might think but I am in hospital a lot and I am SO sick of the pitying looks when I say I’m divorced. So I preemptively imply affection for my ex-husband even though I really don’t care who knows my relationship status.

Another funny one is when I say DD is out with her father. I sometimes feel like it implies that DS has a different dad. What would I care if people think that? But somehow it feels funny to say.

Of course when talking to friends or family I just use their father’s name and don’t think twice!

Do you get asked often?
I'm trying to think if I've ever had this issue/thought and can't recall

I had this recently when adding DH to a new sports WhatsApp group for DD which caused me to over think it! In the end I put ‘just adding my husband John, Jane’s Dad’ which I felt covered it!

Thinking about it, if talking to a child I say my child is with their dad, but if talking to an adult I usually say my husband’s first name then ‘my husband’.

I can’t think of any time I’ve been asked where the kids are but this is what names are for.

Just say, he’s with Graham or whatever your husband is called

Or my husband and I

But why does it matter? I mean, unless you’re trying to signal to someone that you’re single…?

My son is still at the daddy phase, so I think saying daddy doesn't indicate separation in the same way "with dad" does.

It’s because I tend to join hiking groups or bootcamp style outdoor workouts when I have a few hours child free…then there’s usually some small talk with a bunch of people I don’t know which goes ‘are you coming here often / will you join next week / are you a regular’ and I reply something like ‘I have a small child, today he’s with his dad so I was lucky that I could make it, but I’ll probably be with him next weekend’.

People absolutely do assume that 'with his dad' means you're separated, I've noticed. It's weird and a bit sad. Round here lots of people go for cutesy variations ('having a daddy day!') which make me feel slightly vomity, especially because I think it normalises the idea that mum is the default carer.

That said, count your blessings, OP. My DD has two mums, and we're separated. There is no coherent way to express this to anyone. 'DD is with my ex' is fine because people assume a male ex, but 'DD is with her other mum' or 'DD is with her mum' totally throws people.

I have just been sarcastic about 'cute' alternatives, but in this situation I think I'd say 'ah, my husband is taking one for the team today'.