DS is ‘with his dad’ / ‘with my husband’

[Cla7]

Sorry, random thought this morning… if you want to say that your child is currently with their dad who is also your husband, what do you say? I never can decide…if I say ‘DS is with his dad’ then I wonder if people think we’re divorced. If I say ‘he’s with my husband’ then it sounds like my husband isn’t his dad. If I say ‘he’s with my husband who is also his dad’ then I feel I’m awkwardly over explaining. I sometimes mix it all up now because I can’t decide what I want to say, last week I told someone that my 2-year old is ‘with his husband’ 🤦‍♀️

Does it matter ?
I can't say it's ever crossed my mind to worry whether people think I am divorced or married. I don't bother wearing my wedding ring any more either as I have to take it off for work and just forget about it

This has crossed my mind but then if someone doesn't know me well enough for me to just say DH's name then it doesn't matter whether they get the impression that I'm not with DS's dad or DH isn't his Dad.

Yes, but why does it matter what some people at bootcamp think your marital status is? That’s the weird thing here!

I just use my husbands name.

Surely you dont mention your husband again as you've already said their dad?

It doesn’t matter whether I’m married or divorced, but when I make new acquaintances, I try to share accurate information of my life.

You care too much about what other people think. If they need clarification they’ll ask for it.

But if they ever move beyond the ‘acquaintance I met once or twice at bootcamp’ stage, then they’ll obviously become aware of who you’re married to.

But if these are literally randoms you’ve just chatted to before a class, it’s not clear why the ‘accuracy’ of this particular bit of information is so important to you to convey, any more than the names and ages of your children, or your own age…?

But, since you do care. Try ‘his dad’s looking after him this morning’ rather than ‘he’s with his dad’. Sounds less formal, more like you take turns at home.

Interesting, I’ve also had this thought run through my mind before! I remember it when I would tell teachers their dad would be collecting them. I wasn’t sure if they’d think this meant we were separated but then as you say, if you say my husband they might think the same thing.

just say DH is home today, so DS is with him.

i cant see how it matters
if they want to know further they can ask

I guess if you wanted to be really specific, you could just say "he's having some father-son time with my husband".

But generally, I just say "oh hes doing X with his dad". I never considered that might make us look divorced, and I've never assumed someone else was divorced because they said similar. Or that "my husband" implies he's not my son's dad.

The only time I assume it's divorced parents is when they say "he's at his dad's" as that clearly means they don't live together. Or maybe if they specified he's with his dad for the whole weekend.

I always think saying 'With dad' rather than 'with HIS dad' sounds like you're still together. Not sure why 😂

or just at home with his dad

I think you're over explaining. You could just say you have a 7 year old so it is hard to.commit to every week.

This is an interesting thread though to see people tying themselves in knots to ensure thay strangers know that they are living with the father of their children.

This was always a worry of mine. I had my son when I was 20 and my husband is his dad. I used to worry that people saw me as just a silly kid who got pregnant (tbf I was) and that they wouldn’t see my husband as his dad…as I’ve got older I’ve realised that I just don’t give a fuck anymore about what people think, and it’s freeing.

Only one person has ever actually asked me if his dad is his dad, and that was someone who knew us both but not until after our son was 10ish. He is 18 now and nobody bats an eyelid, and I don’t really care if they do.

But I do remember always thinking that there should be a word for it, so busybodies weren’t giving you the side eye wondering (though that was probably in my own head)

I’ve left him and his dad at home today would work though in this situation.

Interesting, you’re right that I could just say that I have a small child without explaining where he is right now. I think I subconsciously have mum guilt for doing something for myself. Which no woman should have, in my opinion, and I’m sure most dads don’t run around explaining that even though they take some time to work out, their child is cared for by the other parent.

I would say he was with his dad (both pre and post separation and divorce).

I've never even thought about this. I usually just say his name. If the person doesn't know me well enough to know that I'm married to my daughter's Dad, and his name, then it's not their business where my child is?

Steve’s taken him to the park
He’s at home with Steve

I think you’re overthinking and it’s a total non issue

I don’t think anyone’s suggesting that it is an issue; as the OP said, it was a random thought.

Serious case of overthinking and image consciousness.

It does not matter. Do what suits yourself op.