Losing the plot with child losing everything!

[CalmGreenWasp]

I’m not really sure why I am even posting this, but can I ask for advice on dealing with children who constantly lose things. For context, this year (Jan to now)

1. Three expensive coats
2. Three School jumpers
3. Three ties
4. Two entire PE kits
5. Countless pencil cases/homeworks
6. One pair of trainers (from her actual feet that day!)
7. Three tablets (lost and broken)

any advice or funny stories welcome. I am losing the will!

This did happen once with my daughter. She landed home in a Poundland coat that you could spit through..her coat (£100) was the same colour..luckily I got that one back

My son lost 3 PE kits in his first year of secondary. Swore he'd checked lost property. Making him contribute to replacements didn't work but getting him up early on the weekend to schlep into town on the bus with me to buy new stuff seemed to finally do the trick. At parents' evening the lost propery cupboard was open - I found the 3 lost kits in nanoseconds!

This is what I feel bad about. I do reprimand her, she can see I am exasperated, she does feel bad about it, I have actually made her cry at times and I feel really shitty about that.

If I make her pay to replace these items out of her own money, is it actually going to stop the behaviour or improve it?

I’m worried that if the behaviour can’t be helped, it’s like punishing her because the sky is blue

But what can be helped is that you can liaise with school, advocate for her, and literally go through lost property yourself to find her belongings. Have you been in?

ADHD? My son with ADHD lost so many things over the years including a laptop several cables for it, mobile phones. He once lost his DofE kit bag with all of his stuff in it and it was a school one and I had to pay to replace everything.

But, but…why didn’t you all search the field for them? Did you just drive away without the shoes?🤯

Hmm. There’s something about self sabotage here. The broken tablets, the shoes. Could it be that she’s overwhelmed with things and just disregulates somehow?

Think of the stuff she has lost and damaged. Then rewind to before that. Are the items important for her to succeed at school? Has she ever lost anything sentimental? (I am betting she hasn’t.) it might not even be conscious on her part but OP you’ve got something going on here, neurodivergent related and I’d guess it’s not quite as simple as ADHD.

This isn’t entirely correct. Children with ADHD need to learn strategies, some need to be incentivised to learn/embed the strategy. A positive reward rather than punishment might work better - ie ‘keep hold of your blue coat til Xmas and I’ll get you a new pair of trainers’ etc.

ADHD is not a get out of jail free card where we can’t question any behaviour. All children with adhd and other neurodiversity can (must!) be supported in helping themselves or we are not preparing them for adult life.