Is it normal not to feel devastated after leaving DD at university just sad?

[Boxingshibes]

Taken dd up to university. Spent a day getting her here ( not able to drive physically) brought lots of stuff via 3 trains.
Yesterday bought bedding and kitchen stuff. Pretty stuff pillows/throws/ fairy lights etc
Today bought lots of food/ cleaning/ laundry stuff.
I'm now going home tomorrow.
I am sad, she is my eldest and I'm going to miss her loads. Her room will look odd though apparently all the dogs and cats are niw in her room so they know something.
But I'm not devastated or broken or crying?

Aw.

I found the first term of my first child going felt really long and I definitely missed her being around. She struggled a bit at first which made it harder because I was worried about her.

But then I got used to it, she was happier and it just became the new normal.

Mixed feelings. Excited and happy that DH has a place on the course and uni that she wanted. We walked around the campus and she already looked at home. When we got back to the car park she started to cry which set me off! DH reckoned we should wait for her to message or phone us I was up early this morning to take DS to a match but DD is unikely to be awake so I'm trying not to keep checking my phone.

You might just be too tired after all of that for it to have sunken in, yet. Or you might just be happy and pleased that she's in Uni :). You don't have to or need to be upset.

We've just done it and I feel sad also but also so excited for her and all the new friends she will meet the new independence she will gain and so on.

It's a massive milestone and turning point.

My DM was fine through the whole drop off process for DB (older than me) but I remember her breaking into tears when she accidentally served up a 4th plate at dinner. She seemed to be fine by the next day, and I think my departure was met by a little jubilation at finally having the house to themselves and the dog. Saying that it was always open door at holidays and if we wanted a weekend at home.

I always feel a bit sad when they leave for uni but then get over it

Suggests to me a very healthy relationship. We raise them for them to leave, and while sad it should also be with excitement for the life they are starting and contentment that you got them there.

My 16 year old spent 4 weeks in Tanzania this summer, everyone was expecting me to be a mess. Yes I missed him, but I was happy knowing he was out there doing something brilliant and found a sad/happy contentment in that.

DD starts next week and I can't see me being sad at all to be honest.

Obviously I'll miss her, but I just don't see it as a sad occasion. I'm mostly just really excited for her. She's going off on an adventure, she'll be back in 3 months for Christmas, and there's phone calls in between.

Kick back and relax tonight

what will Dd be doing?

When my first dc went to university I was fine until I left him...

And then I cried, I mean absolutely bawled my eyes out. I was feeling so proud and excited for him to go to uni so to suddenly end up crying was very strange.

Ultimately, everyone is different, theres no right or wrong.

I dropped DD off on Friday. I got a bit teary the night before when I thought it might be the last night she lives with us full time. But dropping her off, she was so happy and excited, I was happy for her. I really miss her though.

I felt intensely sad when my eldest left for uni, but got over it indecent quickly.

Of course it's normal. Being devastated is scarily dependent. A normal amount of sad, with a dash of worry, and a big pat on the back for steering them towards adulthood seems more appropriate.

Glad I found this! Just back from dropping her and I feel weird rather than particularly sad! Mainly just wanting to know that (or if?!) she’s ok rather than sad that she’s gone. I hope she sends some sort of message at some point!

@Watermelonyea Forensic Anthropology for 4 years.
Settled in met flatmates all female.
Did up room., got food etc.
Bizarrely I'm up there for work on Wednesday till Friday, then again at end of October. ( she'll be sick of me)
But we have calls/texts/WhatsApp

I was so excited for my son going off to uni and got him settled, plenty shopping in for him. It was at the point of leaving him when he and DH shook hands (which they never do) that had me in bits. Reality is though you get used to them not being in the house and they regularly come back with washing!

Amazing course. Is she at Dundee?

i wasn’t devastated when Dd left for uni. Not sure I was sad either. I missed her the first few weeks but I’m always super busy so never really had time to think about it. She was 24 though when she went to uni so think I was ready for it. 😂. I’m happy for her, she’s having a great time living in a fantastic city and having the time of her life!

I think ‘devastated’ would have me questioning my mental health.

We were definitely sad when ours went to uni. We both cried on the way home. But we were fine soon after and excited for them. We knew they were about to have the time of their lives and that’s the most important thing.

I’ve not been through it yet but honestly I feel like I’d be the same.

It will feel very weird as she’s always there but I don’t think I’d be devastated, I can’t wait for her to experience it and make new friends etc but maybe I’ll eat my words when I’ve actually dropped her off 😁

I'm bracing myself for this. I don’t think there's a right or wrong. It's exciting but it's also a big thing emotionally. Personally I'm really bad at endings/change/goodbyes and DD and I are very close so I expect I'll be a wreck. But I'm pleased and excited too.

When dd1 went off to university dh was really upset, i was fine about it .
By the time dd2 entered university we had grown accustomed to our dcs being away.
dS1 didn’t go away for university and I wish he had
DD1 and DD2 have both graduated and are back at home . Three/ four years goes very quickly

When we lived DS1 in a few years ago one of the other mums said that leaving for uni comes along at the right time which I thought sums it up nicely! I found I didn't worry about what he was up to half as much as if he went out at home. Our youngest goes the week after next, he's the third and I'm just excited for him. But the older two have both been and come home so maybe it's harder if you're coming home to an empty house!

Everyone reacts differently.
I had moments of sadness but by no means devastated. I had a few tears walking back to the car after dropping him off, then had moments of sadness when he wasn’t around for things at home.
He’s now graduated and today we dropped him at the airport and he’s currently on a flight to Africa for 3 months. Again, I had a few tears at the airport, but now we’re home it’s back to normal.

I was more physically exhausted than emotional for DD1. We left with the maximum baggage allowance (two full to bursting suitcases each) plus cabin bags, up at 3.30am for a 6am flight across the US, changed planes once with a short layover during which I ate a bagel, then up in the air again, then a taxi to the train station, then a long ride to the city, then another taxi. I had half an hour to drop DD's bags in her dorm room, nibbled two cubes of cheese and a few crackers at the parent reception, kissed DD goodbye. I then caught a taxi back to the station, got the train, nodded off a bit, taxi back to the airport took a detour to a strip club with one of the passengers (there were three of us) who was owed money there, apparently. The remaining two of us threw our money at the cabbie as we shot out of the cab when we finally got to the airport, and just about made it to the last flight out. I got back home at about 1.30am. The rest of the DCs started back to school the next day, so no rest for the wicked

For DS, we all drove seven hours to his university, dumped his stuff in his room, hit the local Walmart for extension cords and a few other sundries, got soaked to the skin in a tropical downpour, and had a very weepy goodbye when we returned to the campus. Then drove seven hours home. The first half hour was silent apart from little sniffles from everyone. DS cheered up after a week but eventually transferred to a closer and much better university, so a win all around.

More exhaustion and also an injured back when dropping off DD2. Drove fourteen hours on a Friday with the car stuffed to the gills with her earthly belongings, stayed with DD1 overnight, toured the city next day, slipped and fell on wet paving, hobbled around the rest of the day, got DD moved into her dorm at the appointed evening hour with help from DD1, slept at DD1's place that night, and headed home (another fourteen hours) on Sunday, taking as much tylenol as I could safely take en route.

Remaining DCs went local (phew).

The really big break happens when DCs graduate and get a job away from home, with no more long summer vac.