Is it normal not to feel devastated after leaving DD at university just sad?

[Boxingshibes]

Taken dd up to university. Spent a day getting her here ( not able to drive physically) brought lots of stuff via 3 trains.
Yesterday bought bedding and kitchen stuff. Pretty stuff pillows/throws/ fairy lights etc
Today bought lots of food/ cleaning/ laundry stuff.
I'm now going home tomorrow.
I am sad, she is my eldest and I'm going to miss her loads. Her room will look odd though apparently all the dogs and cats are niw in her room so they know something.
But I'm not devastated or broken or crying?

I was the same. I missed her of course but I was soo excited for her to be moving on and starting a life for herself. Hopefully your DD will love it

Sad yes, devastated no.

DH's words were 'one down, one to go go!' when we dropped off our first!

Not at all!

I was expecting to be perfectly happy about my first university goer and approached it with excitement for them. I was so on board for them launching themselves into the world and having independent adventures.
Turns out I was utterly devastated by their absence. I cried at the drop of a hat, felt bereft, and I am NOT a sentimental person.

Some of my friends were expecting to be gutted by their new students going and in the event they felt fine.

Having been so felled by Student One's departure, I was braced for Student Two - and I was totally fine. Not even a hint of a sniffle.

People react differently, no one knows until it happens, and weeping and wailing isn't obligatory.

(I'm still surprised by how much I missed Student One. It was very unlike me)

There are no rules on this.

There's time yet😂🥰 i thought i was fine then started crying on way home........trouble was I was driving in the worst rain I've ever seen on the highest point of the motorway in the country🥴how I got home in one piece i don't know as literally couldn't see, the window wipers couldn't cope, neither outside or inside😭.......fortunately next two did university in home city🥰

I missed her, I was sad but equally I was excited that she was doing something new. I was not devastated. People act crazy when it comes to milestones in their child’s life.

Same here. I feel like I should be crying but I’m not. DD is also 3 hours away and so not just around the corner. She is going to live in an amazing city and is ready for it!

I have a mix of emotions -
Worry that she will feel homesick
Worry that she won’t find her mates/tribe
Worry that she will hate her course

Then there is the other worries of drinks being spiked etc but I’m putting that Worry on hold for now

Sad yes. End of a chapter and all that.
But you have to be pleased that all of your hard work towards raising an independent successful young person is bearing fruition.
And you know what? She'll be back with her dirty washing before you know it.

I think tech helps. Apparently ive to keep her on life 360.
She'll WhatsApp lots.
Bizarrely I'll be here on Wednesday next week for work and again end of October.
We live in SE and she's in Scotland.

When i was at university I think I called once a week via a phone card or reverse charges!

Christ no. You bring them up and get them ready for the world out there. I'm excited.

No I think that’s normal and quite healthy. I worry some parent’s lives are so oriented around their kids that it’s a massive upheaval when the kids leave.

Totally normal. I missed DD1 when she went off to uni, but she was the one who struggled with it. She came close to not making it through her first year, only then COVID hit and she had to come home anyway. By the time second year started, she was properly ready, no longer in student accommodation with people she didn't get on with but in a house with friends, and she was flying.

DS1 settled in so easily, found his tribe within 48 hours, that I was never sad for him at all. He still lives and works in his uni town, 5 hours away.

Whatever you feel is fine. Different people react in different ways.

Wouldn't it be more appropriate to be "broken and devastated" if your child wanted to go to university but couldn't due to not having the remotest chance of taking the exams, or to some awful life situation or event?

I don't really understand why people claim to be "broken" or "devastated" by their children doing something both positive and constructive and which is in no conceivable way irreversible.

These seem to just be properly weird expectations of parents as direct responses to their children doing perfectly ordinary and age appropriate things successfully and then generally returning for a couple of weeks or more every twelve weeks.

Yes, end of an era and it's normal to miss them, but "broken" seems completely upside down. "Broken" by the fact your child is launching successfully rather than living in their childhood bedroom not in employment or education?

Your reaction seems right to me OP.

What doesn't seem right is anyone suggesting a parent should be devastated and broken by their child winning at life.

Previously ive had a few tears in car on way home, so theres still time!! I was excited for them and proud but also a bit worried.
It gets easier.
And hopefully you'll see them when you are up for work.
Ive dropped DD for her masters course today-8 hours away- feels a very long way away much harder to have a safety net visit, but Im very proud of her and how much shes grown in confidence and maturity. she will be fine, ive loved having her at home this summer and will really miss her, hit me on way here I wont see her til xmas, which did make me sad.
Theres no wrong or right way to feel but from experience life tends to adjust fairly quickly but i do really love having them all DC home together , its a rare occurrence now.

As I said at the time, I enjoyed missing her.

Listened to Duffy’s poem on R4 on the way home, Empty Nest, horse chestnuts counting themselves, which gave me a bit of a moment.

I dropped dd2 at uni (5 hours away) yesterday. I was slightly tearful at one point, think it was more exhaustion and dread for the journey home tbh (which was a nightmare). I haven't been upset before or since and tbh wasn't expecting to be. I'm excited for her, I miss her but it's the right time and I'm certain she'll have a ball. I'll always be ready to help and support if/when she needs me.

Dd1 is home again for now having finished uni (closer to home - 2 hours away) and applying for jobs for her placement year, so she'll be gone again soon. I wasn't upset when I took her, either.

I'm genuinely fine, just knackered from juggling all the prep, shopping, packing and planning - my dds like to be organised and lean on me a lot. Our house is small and cramped, both are v clingy to me emotionally (thanks to an abusive twat of a father) so I've been needed a huge amount more for far longer than the majority of friends at the same stage.

I will always be delighted to see them, and will always embrace as much contact as they want (dd1 has always rung and messaged loads, dd2 will prob do a little less once she settles fully). I have a great relationship with both my dds but I am very ready for just a little more time for myself!

Tell me you’re in WIWIKAU without telling me you’re in WIWIKAU 😂

ignore ignore ignore- that group is 99% helicopter parenting as performance art.

Sorry didn't understand the acronym.
I've not touch that website .
All ive done is make dd do an actual list on paper.
Dd will definitely be more needy than I was.
But I didn't tell my parents about what happened at uni .
Dd is more likely to tell me too much!

If I’d known that DS would still spend a third of each year living with us while on his course and that he would move back in with us for four years after finishing university, I’d have been less upset.

I don’t think I have my parents a second thought when I went to uni, and this was back when it was a phone call once a week and letters. I miss my DD who is seven hour drive away but we do TV nights on occasion and she often calls particularly when walking home late. I was certainly not devastated when she left - I knew she’d be back in ten weeks! I did visit her in the first term though.

Of course it is normal.

Why would you be 'devastated' that your dc had achieved their goal and was setting out on the next chapter of life ?

A normal level of sadness because you’ll miss them, but more triumph and excitement because you’ve raised a child to go and be independent, spread their wings and live their life. It’s just a transition. The same as all the transitional periods of a child’s life from baby to adulthood! Celebrate! 🍾 You’ve done a great job!

WIWIKAU:- What I WIsh I knew ABiut University. It's forum x

I managed to trick myself for the first week that she was just away, just on holiday for a few days, I'm okay, yeah it's all okayyyy

And then I had a massive meltdown! Absolutely sobbing and inconsolable as I realised how much I missed her and how much it actually hurt.

But then after that, after dealing with how I felt, it became easier, and also made plans to see dd which helped.