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Original poster

Misophonia (people eating near me)

123 replies

PixieFairySprite · 08/09/2026 11:19

Does anyone have any tips to help with this?

I think I have had this problem all my life. I couldn't stand my sister eating near me as a child. She leans over her plate and shovels her food into her mouth, noisily. She still does this. I can remember finding it so strange that my mum was very hot on manners but seemed to overlook this. My mum taught me how to place a napkin onto my lap and eat a cake with a knife and I still do these things automatically. I eat with my mouth closed.

Anyway, I couldn't bear my exH being near me and eating, or in fact making any noises. He did used to say that he couldn't even breathe around me and it made me so sad because it's true. There is nothing wrong with his table manners.

I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years and find I am now experiencing the same thing. We are now living together and very happy but I find myself making excuses when it comes to eating together. I adore him and would love nothing more than to sit and eat with him, which weirdly I had no problem with until recently. Again, there is nothing wrong with his table manners.

Is there any hope for me?

OP posts:
shockmethen · 08/09/2026 18:26

PixieFairySprite · 08/09/2026 11:42

Have you never seen cake knives for sale? Do you not own a set? It is very normal.

I didn't post here to critique anyone's else's manners or have my own questioned. If you haven't ever seen anyone eat a cake with a knife, I can't help you. I nearly always eat cake with a knife.

Now, does anyone have any ideas that may be helpful to me?

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edited because I saw your updated comment

shockmethen · 08/09/2026 18:29

PixieFairySprite · 08/09/2026 13:42

Based on me not tolerating posters who has nothing useful to advise on MN.

Have you just joined MN today?

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Christ. Why are you so snippy? Is this your typical manner?

BeDandyDenimSloth · 08/09/2026 18:34

I have misophonia which includes certain eating sounds and high pitched dog barking. Loop ear plugs help or other distracting noise I also use calming breathing techniques, It isn’t intolerance or an anger issue but a sensory problem, I don’t ever feel angry but very stressed and anxious when it happens. I do have some other ASD traits to a mild degree but am not diagnosed. Misophonia is specific to certain sounds though whoever is making them not just certain people

singthing · 08/09/2026 19:10

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Arran2024 · 08/09/2026 19:15

I have to have music on to hide the noise. I have always had a problem with people eating and tbh it has just got worse as I get older. I sympathise. My biggest problem is people eating and talking at the same time in films.

ClassActress · 08/09/2026 19:48

Namechangingregularly · 08/09/2026 18:14

Im so sorry you have been through such stress. I know how horrible it is for other people. I see my children apologising before opening packets etc. it’s normal noise. I can understand this on some level but for some reason it’s torture to my brain.
but it’s definitely me. i didn’t know this when I was young though. I thought everyone was annoying.
another thing I have which is not nice for others is a really hyper startle reflex. I scream and I can’t help it. So if my daughter comes into the room and I didn’t see her I will jump and sometimes scream. It’s totally involuntary and happens quite regularly. (not at Sistine chapel that’s not me)
im worried that my children will be forever harmed by these odd behaviours. It’s also very horrible having these issues. I cannot relax as you can probably tell.

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It’s a very different thing once you actually understand the problem and can explain it to your children. The reason it was so difficult for my family was because none of us understood what was happening. My family used things like substance abuse to cope with life and that made things exponentially worse. My dad drank for years. He was an alcoholic. Once he got to a point where he lived alone and could suit himself, he actually didn’t need to drink anymore and has been sober for years now.
I don’t have any issues with the type of noise op described but the sound of crowds makes my anxiety go through the roof. The noises of lots of people chatting like in a pub, or applause or loud music can make me go full meltdown. Then I don’t act very well at all. I just have to explain to the kids that it has that effect on me. I get very stressed, then I get snappy and on edge and very short tempered. I think the best thing you can do is tell the truth. It’s not like you want to have this reaction. I’m a lot better with it now that I’m on anti anxiety medication but I still try to avoid those type of environments because they bring out the worst in me as well as being a horrible experience.

TealNewt · 08/09/2026 19:52

My 13 year old daughter has severe misophonia, it's quite debilitating and affects her attendance at school. I really sympathise as I have it also (not as severe), it usually becomes symptomatic around adolescence and doesn't really go away but is worse in times of stress/anxiety. There have been studies showing differences in the way sufferers brains are wired (strength of neural connections between sound processing and emotional associated areas.) it has a higher incidence in neurodivergent people so I'm getting my daughter assessed for autism.

Some coping strategies:
Loop ear plugs
Eat something crunchy/slurpy yourself to match/override the noise
Remove yourself from the room
Try to 'mimic' the sound in your own head
Hum
Background noise
CBT
Reduce stress in general

Personally I just get away from it - if someone is eating an apple in the office I just go elsewhere until they've finished. It's nice that I can do that as an adult, must be hell when you're a kid trapped in a classroom with someone sniffing.

Weeellokthen · 08/09/2026 20:01

AppleButterGutter · 08/09/2026 12:26

I read on a MN thread once that when you are irritated by the noise of people eating, it can help to just tap your finger repeatedly (and quietly!) on your arm or leg.

I try and do this, and for some reason it does really help - probably because you are focusing on the tapping and not the noise that has driven you insane in the first place.

Oooh. Might ask my wee one to do this, she has no other traits of nd but the rage she gets when other people eat next to her is very real.
Misophonia is a horrible affliction.

Weeellokthen · 08/09/2026 21:16

TealNewt · 08/09/2026 19:52

My 13 year old daughter has severe misophonia, it's quite debilitating and affects her attendance at school. I really sympathise as I have it also (not as severe), it usually becomes symptomatic around adolescence and doesn't really go away but is worse in times of stress/anxiety. There have been studies showing differences in the way sufferers brains are wired (strength of neural connections between sound processing and emotional associated areas.) it has a higher incidence in neurodivergent people so I'm getting my daughter assessed for autism.

Some coping strategies:
Loop ear plugs
Eat something crunchy/slurpy yourself to match/override the noise
Remove yourself from the room
Try to 'mimic' the sound in your own head
Hum
Background noise
CBT
Reduce stress in general

Personally I just get away from it - if someone is eating an apple in the office I just go elsewhere until they've finished. It's nice that I can do that as an adult, must be hell when you're a kid trapped in a classroom with someone sniffing.

My 8yr old suffers terribly and I would hate for it to get even worse as she ages. She doesn't appear to have any other nd traits though.
We eat seperately now but I need to try to teach her strategies to enable her to tolerate it better when for when she's older.
Thanks for the tips

Netcurtainnelly · 09/09/2026 09:53

It's often a nightmare for sleeping too as people wish to sleep alone to reduce noise.

Original poster
PixieFairySprite · 09/09/2026 10:45

Funnywonder · 08/09/2026 15:37

I sympathise as I have a real problem with eating sounds. A lot of the time I don’t notice because everyone is chatting, but when it’s quiet I get very upset. And I mean upset to the point of wanting to either cry, scream or run away. I can feel it building up like a tidal wave. I have a lot of ASD traits (eldest is diagnosed) and wonder if it’s associated with this. It doesn’t help that DP seems to generate an awful lot of saliva when he eats and sounds like that mulching noise you get from the washing machine when it starts the wash cycle😬 My youngest son is a loud eater too, as was my sister when we were younger and sat beside each other at the table. I used to get really angry and start mimicking her to get her to stop. It was horrible of me but I was so upset by the noise. It sounds ridiculous, but I feel trapped when it happens. I want to leave but also feel compelled to be polite and try to ignore it. Background noise definitely helps, as others have mentioned. I don’t seem to notice in restaurants or when there’s plenty of activity.

This is exactly it! My boyfriend eating sounds exactly like the washing machine cycle. And the desire to run away - yes!

Thank you for posting. I will put a bluetooth speaker into the room and try that!

OP posts:
Original poster
PixieFairySprite · 09/09/2026 10:48

SethTrek · 08/09/2026 16:30

OP, you have responded with knee jerk frustration and anger here, but say that you're not an angry person. You deny the possibility quite vehemently, like anger is a degenerate character flaw, when it's very very normal. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that you might not be in touch with the full range of your emotions.

Being angered by the sounds that people make eating and breathing is actually being angered by the the things people need to do to stay alive. You are angry at their existence.

It's not unusual for a child to wish their sibling didn't exist. Their existence splits their parents attention, resources, time etc. An older sibling, especially, who can remember when the baby wasn't there. Equally our romantic partners can anger us the most in our adult lives, they have the potential to cause the most pain because of the nature of the love, expectations, trust and vulnerability in the relationship.

You're focusing on the difficulty you have listening to specific people eat, but that's just a symptom of your murderous rage towards them. I'm using "murderous rage" on purpose here. A part of you is/was so very angry with them you want(ed) them not to exist, to cease to be. You might not be aware of that part of you. You might very strongly deny it's there, but it is there. Therapy would be very useful to get in touch with this and feel comfortable expressing your anger about whatever day to day issues you have with the people in your life, rather than pushing these feelings away and believing that their sounds of life make you angry

No, I absolutely would not wish any of my loved ones to not exist. I have already lost my parents and 2 of my closest friends. I am not an angry person at all. This is all a million miles away from the truth. You may have missed my apologies to the poster I misunderstood early in the thread and my apologies that I wrote knife instead of fork in my OP!

Thank you for replying but none of this is the case. I adore my sister and my boyfriend and am on very good terms with my exH.

OP posts:
Original poster
PixieFairySprite · 09/09/2026 10:52

Calliopespa · 08/09/2026 18:16

Well that explains it then: you were wrong about cake knives.

But given how snappy your responses are, I'm afraid I am going to conclude none of these people are doing anything wrong with their eating, scooping, lack of cake knives forks and you are just very quick to snap.

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No, I am not but thank you for replying.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 09/09/2026 11:06

Netcurtainnelly · 09/09/2026 09:53

It's often a nightmare for sleeping too as people wish to sleep alone to reduce noise.

That's a good point. The human brain has a clever little function called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) which filters out stuff that we don't need to be aware of, and filters in stuff that our mind deems important.

Hence we can sleep through a thunderstorm but a cat retching will have us awake instantaneously. It's why when we decide to buy a red Ford we start seeing red Fords everywhere. It is possible to 'turn off' the RAS when it's bringing your attention to things that are annoying or distressing (such as snoring or food noises). I've worked with someone to turn their tinnitus down to almost zero.

Original poster
PixieFairySprite · 09/09/2026 11:10

NotEnoughRoom · 08/09/2026 18:24

I am finding this discussion very interesting.
as a child, I hugely struggled with the sound of people eating noisily - it was primarily my sibling (who had a medical condition that meant they couldn’t breathe well through their nose) and my grandparent who I suspect had poorly fitting dentures. So both definitely did make more noise than others while eating - although not purposefully. Some days I found it more difficult than others, and at its worst I had to leave the table as I felt physically sick. Most of the time, putting the radio on in the background was enough to mask the worst of it. I can’t say that I felt angry about it though, I understood they could not help it, as much as I couldn’t not help my reaction to it.

As I hit perimenopause (and recently diagnosed with ADHD), I have found that my tolerance for noisy eating, the rustling of plastic bags/crisp packets, etc, has gone through the floor and I do sometimes feel quite irritated by it as well. However, I still accept that it is my issue not theirs.

I’ve noticed I struggle more the week before my period is due, or when I’m already feeling stressed/overwhelmed (I’ve put that down to a sort of sensory overload!)
most of the time background music/tv is still enough, and I now use Loop earplugs when I am really struggling - they seem to take the edge of the noise so I find it easier to ignore, but still able to engage in normal conversation etc.

Thank you, you have actually just remined my that my sister did have her tonsils and adenoids removed in childhood so I wonder if this was related, or whether my parents had actually noticed something.

Like you, it is not anger I feel when I become aware of noisy eating, rustling etc.. It's more upset and like I just want to leave the room.

I agree with you that this is my problem and not other people's.

I will look at Loop earplugs.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
PixieFairySprite · 09/09/2026 11:24

Travsmam · 08/09/2026 16:54

I agree with you WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz. No need for op to reply to you like that. Sounds like a bit of a di<k to be honest

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Another one who can't read properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
PixieFairySprite · 09/09/2026 11:26

Calliopespa · 08/09/2026 18:18

If you haven't ever seen anyone eat a cake with a knife, I can't help you. I nearly always eat cake with a knife.

I can't stop laughing at this image! 😂

And the snootiness and number of repetitions of the word knife makes it priceless.

Haha. I did apologise upthread for my use of the word knife. I did mean fork!

OP posts:
Namechangingregularly · 09/09/2026 14:42

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/09/2026 11:06

That's a good point. The human brain has a clever little function called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) which filters out stuff that we don't need to be aware of, and filters in stuff that our mind deems important.

Hence we can sleep through a thunderstorm but a cat retching will have us awake instantaneously. It's why when we decide to buy a red Ford we start seeing red Fords everywhere. It is possible to 'turn off' the RAS when it's bringing your attention to things that are annoying or distressing (such as snoring or food noises). I've worked with someone to turn their tinnitus down to almost zero.

Show quote history

I wonder if this ability to switch off is not there in people with misophonia because I have tinnitus and a visual problem following an accident. Both of these symptoms are because my brain is not ignoring things as would be expected/ normal in other people. So I suspect my misophonia is linked which is why I think it’s a form of neurodiversity.

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/09/2026 14:47

@Namechangingregularly Have you had therapy for the tinnitus and visual problem? It's not (generally) possible to change the way your brain filters things without changing the way you think via CBT or EMDR or other type of therapy.

AppleButterGutter · 09/09/2026 15:06

There are some astonishing replies on this thread. Misophonia is an actual thing. If you could search MN for all the instances where a poster says "I have misophonia", I suspect that the results would be in the thousands (if not more).

Yet on this thread, some of the replies are expressing faux bafflement that anyone could be impacted by the noise people make when eating.

OP doesn't have "anger issues" or need therapy, she is just asking for tips to deal with the issue.

Namechangingregularly · 09/09/2026 15:57

Eyesopenwideawake · 09/09/2026 14:47

@Namechangingregularly Have you had therapy for the tinnitus and visual problem? It's not (generally) possible to change the way your brain filters things without changing the way you think via CBT or EMDR or other type of therapy.

No I haven’t had therapy. The tinnitus is pretty bad and it’s constant but it’s hard to know how bad because it’s not something easily compared.
the visual thing is not linked. I damaged my retina so have floaters. I was told at the eye hospital that the brain will eventually filter them out and this hasn’t happened. Which makes me think there could well be a link to the other stuff that my brain is not doing. I have bad ADHD. Really impacts my life massively

SethTrek · 09/09/2026 18:08

AppleButterGutter · 09/09/2026 15:06

There are some astonishing replies on this thread. Misophonia is an actual thing. If you could search MN for all the instances where a poster says "I have misophonia", I suspect that the results would be in the thousands (if not more).

Yet on this thread, some of the replies are expressing faux bafflement that anyone could be impacted by the noise people make when eating.

OP doesn't have "anger issues" or need therapy, she is just asking for tips to deal with the issue.

Depression, anxiety, OCD, phobias etc are also actual things and, like misophonia, they can be treated by therapy. I don't think people are denying the OPs experience, but I was suggesting treating the route cause, rather than mitigating the symptoms.
The OP doesn't seem open to thinking about her full range of emotions, so mitigation might well be the way to go for now.

OP, I don't think you're an "angry person" but I do think that you like anyone else can get angry. That's not a critism of you, it's normal. What you are doing that is unhelpful to you is denying the anger to yourself. Of course you don't actually wish death upon your loved ones in the real world. But a part of you has become so angry with them at times that it would like them not to exist in fantasy. That's the part you need to connect with to move past this.

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