Misophonia (people eating near me)

[PixieFairySprite]

Does anyone have any tips to help with this?

I think I have had this problem all my life. I couldn't stand my sister eating near me as a child. She leans over her plate and shovels her food into her mouth, noisily. She still does this. I can remember finding it so strange that my mum was very hot on manners but seemed to overlook this. My mum taught me how to place a napkin onto my lap and eat a cake with a knife and I still do these things automatically. I eat with my mouth closed.

Anyway, I couldn't bear my exH being near me and eating, or in fact making any noises. He did used to say that he couldn't even breathe around me and it made me so sad because it's true. There is nothing wrong with his table manners.

I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years and find I am now experiencing the same thing. We are now living together and very happy but I find myself making excuses when it comes to eating together. I adore him and would love nothing more than to sit and eat with him, which weirdly I had no problem with until recently. Again, there is nothing wrong with his table manners.

Is there any hope for me?

I agree with you WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz. No need for op to reply to you like that. Sounds like a bit of a di<k to be honest

😂😂

I have not made the best decisions

Yeah single too. Can't imagine why 😃

And happy?

Content... as long as no-one eats doritos 😉

And you wfh? Socialise? Because the extensive list of everything you hate would indicate a hermitic existence

I don't live alone and I agree with every single point!

I will also add "mouse clicks" to your list. Scrolling down a page seems to involve approximately 10 thousand fucking irritating clicks. I have suggested a touch screen laptop (like the one I use), but no - he loves his mouse 😡

I work in an open plan office but use ear buds extensively especially at lunch time, a lot of people do as thankfully I have easy going employers who don't mind us wearing them as long as the job gets done. I've no idea what my colleagues use them for. I listen to rainforest sounds, non lyrical jazz or pan pipe music. Or crashing waves.

I'm not enormously sociable and I'm the "like my company" type but I do have friends and I do see people. They tend not to do many of the things on my list though and if they do it's usually in environments where I wouldn't hear it too much anyway. A busy pub for example or a live music venue. It's only really specific, sharp sounds that bother me not environments. I'm fine at football matches for example.

Sorry if I'm derailing OP x

Ocean waves, crickets, nature sounds.

No help but full sympathy, I have misophobia, I get full rage if I can hear people breathing, eating, sniffing, grunting, clearing their throat, coughing, humming.

also non human repetitive noises, so no ticking clocks or the one that really grates is my bathroom door if it’s not fully shut will just gently tap with the wind through the fan!

I realise I’m mostly being unreasonable as people naturally make noise. I do think there are exceptions of people who just need to shut the fuck up, especially when they eat.

My boss makes a grunting appreciative noise with every single mouthful and I’m getting furious now even thinking about it!

It can be really, really tough having a sibling with these kinds of sensory issues. Neither of my sisters can bear most of the sounds that other people make. My dad is similar. I developed an anxiety disorder from living with them. They all had anger management problems too. When I first left home to live with my boyfriend he asked me why I would do things like jump and hurriedly lower the volume of the tv when he came home. I also had loads of habits to muffle sounds like switching on a light. I was a nervous wreck.
It’s actually a very common dynamic between siblings when there neurodivergence involved.
Your sister had a right to eat how she eats without being criticised for it in her own home.. I’d imagine that’s why your parents didn’t say anything to her. If you have an extreme reaction to this and have experienced this with multiple different people then unfortunately the problem is with you, not them.
My older sister and dad now live alone because they can’t tolerate other people and they are happier on their own. My other sister is married without kids. She married someone who fortunately understands where she’s coming from and is similar with certain noises so they accommodate each other. Could you be open with your partner about it and see if you can come up with solutions together?
Otherwise the only thing I know of is keep general stress to a minimum and loop earphones. Maybe medication to lower anxiety levels in general.

I have this too, if I'm out with friends or as a gathering I use loops.
Mine started at being sat opposite a boy at primary school everyday who had revolting table manners.
Then DGF started it too, think probably as teeth started deteriorating, I was 'punished ' for complaining by being sent to the kitchen to eat on my own..bliss!!!
When DC were little by the age of 2 could sit at the table, eat with mouths closed. It has to be taught, like most other things.
Someone eating quietly with their mouth shut does not bother me, so it purely is the other person and appalling manners, unfortunately too many dragged up people around.

Oh and sniffing...utterly revolting. Use a tissue. Even with a cold people do not need to snort and make revolting noises. If you struggle to show manners remove yourself, do not expect others to listen to it!

How can you both have this problem and yet it’s not you, it’s other people? 🤔

Other people are tge problem the OP and I have ! 😉😂

Sorry OP but I'm also here to tell you that you seem to be irritable/quick to anger. My sister has this issue terribly with her husband, eating, breathing, coughing.. existing basically, poor chap.

I also have this issue, but only when other life stresses are getting to me, my DH eating just crates on me at times, I find it is much worse when I am feeling annoyed at him for some reason, or I am stressed out with work etc.. I know it is unreasonable so I never say anything, he doesn't realise the reason I put the TV on when we are eating is so I can tune out his eating noises.

Maybe try some relaxation techniques? I find going on a walk unties some of my knots and I am able to tolerate things much easier.

No, I own a set of cake forks though. Are you sure this isn't what you mean?

Im so sorry you have been through such stress. I know how horrible it is for other people. I see my children apologising before opening packets etc. it’s normal noise. I can understand this on some level but for some reason it’s torture to my brain.
but it’s definitely me. i didn’t know this when I was young though. I thought everyone was annoying.
another thing I have which is not nice for others is a really hyper startle reflex. I scream and I can’t help it. So if my daughter comes into the room and I didn’t see her I will jump and sometimes scream. It’s totally involuntary and happens quite regularly. (not at Sistine chapel that’s not me)
im worried that my children will be forever harmed by these odd behaviours. It’s also very horrible having these issues. I cannot relax as you can probably tell.

Well that explains it then: you were wrong about cake knives.

But given how snappy your responses are, I'm afraid I am going to conclude none of these people are doing anything wrong with their eating, scooping, lack of cake knives forks and you are just very quick to snap.

Agreed. The OP is turning things around now… but first few responses were very revealing. Knife edge springs to mind

If you haven't ever seen anyone eat a cake with a knife, I can't help you. I nearly always eat cake with a knife.

I can't stop laughing at this image! 😂

And the snootiness and number of repetitions of the word knife makes it priceless.

Knife edge springs to mind

Not sure whether knife edge springing to mind or knife edge to lips is worse!

Do you not own a set of cake knives like this elegant gentleman?

I am finding this discussion very interesting.
as a child, I hugely struggled with the sound of people eating noisily - it was primarily my sibling (who had a medical condition that meant they couldn’t breathe well through their nose) and my grandparent who I suspect had poorly fitting dentures. So both definitely did make more noise than others while eating - although not purposefully. Some days I found it more difficult than others, and at its worst I had to leave the table as I felt physically sick. Most of the time, putting the radio on in the background was enough to mask the worst of it. I can’t say that I felt angry about it though, I understood they could not help it, as much as I couldn’t not help my reaction to it.

As I hit perimenopause (and recently diagnosed with ADHD), I have found that my tolerance for noisy eating, the rustling of plastic bags/crisp packets, etc, has gone through the floor and I do sometimes feel quite irritated by it as well. However, I still accept that it is my issue not theirs.

I’ve noticed I struggle more the week before my period is due, or when I’m already feeling stressed/overwhelmed (I’ve put that down to a sort of sensory overload!)
most of the time background music/tv is still enough, and I now use Loop earplugs when I am really struggling - they seem to take the edge of the noise so I find it easier to ignore, but still able to engage in normal conversation etc.

OP you are being very rude to posters that I’m surprised anyone is offering advice! Maybe work on your own attitude too while trying to sort out your problems with others.