Misophonia (people eating near me)

[PixieFairySprite]

Does anyone have any tips to help with this?

I think I have had this problem all my life. I couldn't stand my sister eating near me as a child. She leans over her plate and shovels her food into her mouth, noisily. She still does this. I can remember finding it so strange that my mum was very hot on manners but seemed to overlook this. My mum taught me how to place a napkin onto my lap and eat a cake with a knife and I still do these things automatically. I eat with my mouth closed.

Anyway, I couldn't bear my exH being near me and eating, or in fact making any noises. He did used to say that he couldn't even breathe around me and it made me so sad because it's true. There is nothing wrong with his table manners.

I have been with my boyfriend now for 7 years and find I am now experiencing the same thing. We are now living together and very happy but I find myself making excuses when it comes to eating together. I adore him and would love nothing more than to sit and eat with him, which weirdly I had no problem with until recently. Again, there is nothing wrong with his table manners.

Is there any hope for me?

Perhaps your parents didn’t think there was anything to speak to their daughter about .

Just a guess.. but are you and your sister now estranged? Or if not… a poor relationship?

It definetly is! Please don't try to change what it is about.

I have a problem with this and I would love to find a way to get over it.

Very good relationship with my sister. Always.

Fair enough

Then you either ignore or you ask “why are you asking?”

But no… you jumped on and was rude.

And you have been to others.

And do you ever eat with her these days?

Yes, obviously nowhere near as often. Probably 4/5 times a year.

And she’s aware of how sickened you are by her eating? Does she have children? If so, how do they eat?

Have you ever spoken to your parents about her eating?

I have never spoken to my sister about it. I am not sure if I ever told her when we were children. I don't think I did.

She had children, yes, young adults now. I don't think I have ever felt this way whilst eating around them.

I think I did maybe mention it to my mum when we were children but I am not sure.

Our parents are no longer alive.

My guess is that your parents didn’t mention this to their daughter because they didn’t think she ate in a disgusting way.

And I’m surprised you haven’t notice how her children eat.

Do you have children?

Are you saying your partner eats with his mouth open?

It definitely isn't. I'm not trying to change what it's about and I can read

You are talking about misophonia - I have even responded with some advice upthread.

The poster I quoted was saying that they had googled misophobia. That's something completely different - in the same way that a fork is very different to knife.

It was just an auto correct

Ah, I see! Thank you, I had not noticed that.

I apologise for misunderstanding.

Yes, now young adults. I have never experienced it when eating with my children at all.

Just these 3 people: my sister, my exH and my boyfriend now.

Maybe it's them and not me? Eek. But I do think it is me. And it is strange that I only started getting irriated by it when my boyf. moved in.Before that, on dates and when staying at his house, or when he was at mine, it was not something I noticed at all.

You mention you eat with your mouth closed

are you saying your boyfriend eats with his mouth open??

Your sister eats with her mouth open? You’d have noticed through sight and sound of her kids did too if you get together 4/5 times a years

So, I eat with my mouth closed.

Sister eats with her mouth open but mostly it was always the shoveling food in and eating nosily.

My exH, I can't even remember but any normal sounds (breathing) he made around me seemed to make me need to leave the room. We are on good terms and when I see him now, none of these things irritate me at all. I haven't eaten with him for a long time but we do get together sometimes for family things.

Boyfriend; it's just the eating but I have also noticed that (you will think me really strange now) that he rustles things a lot. So, for instance, yesterday we were walking the dog and he had a scrunched up supermarket bag with him (we had planned to stop off during the walk for some groceries) and he had it in his hand; it was rustling. I took it from him and stuffed it into my pocket because the sound was really grating on me.

So to be clear your current boyfriend at least doesn’t eat with his mouth open????

I can’t fathom how your sister is married, has children and yet she eats like this but her kids don’t

and your parent never ever mentioned it to her

Op… get the therapy

I know, and I agree! I have actually often sat with my sister and her family and wondered why no-one else can see it/get annoyed by it!

Actually, you have just reminded me that a friend of mine once commented on it. I remember it because I felt vindicated!

If she is really eating as you describe, then her kids would eat in a similar fashion for it would have been raised with her at some point over the last however many decades.

OP… give therapy a go and see how that lands

Thank you, I really do appreciate it. x

And I am really sorry for misunderstanding you initially. 💜

I sympathise as I have a real problem with eating sounds. A lot of the time I don’t notice because everyone is chatting, but when it’s quiet I get very upset. And I mean upset to the point of wanting to either cry, scream or run away. I can feel it building up like a tidal wave. I have a lot of ASD traits (eldest is diagnosed) and wonder if it’s associated with this. It doesn’t help that DP seems to generate an awful lot of saliva when he eats and sounds like that mulching noise you get from the washing machine when it starts the wash cycle😬 My youngest son is a loud eater too, as was my sister when we were younger and sat beside each other at the table. I used to get really angry and start mimicking her to get her to stop. It was horrible of me but I was so upset by the noise. It sounds ridiculous, but I feel trapped when it happens. I want to leave but also feel compelled to be polite and try to ignore it. Background noise definitely helps, as others have mentioned. I don’t seem to notice in restaurants or when there’s plenty of activity.

OP, you have responded with knee jerk frustration and anger here, but say that you're not an angry person. You deny the possibility quite vehemently, like anger is a degenerate character flaw, when it's very very normal. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that you might not be in touch with the full range of your emotions.

Being angered by the sounds that people make eating and breathing is actually being angered by the the things people need to do to stay alive. You are angry at their existence.

It's not unusual for a child to wish their sibling didn't exist. Their existence splits their parents attention, resources, time etc. An older sibling, especially, who can remember when the baby wasn't there. Equally our romantic partners can anger us the most in our adult lives, they have the potential to cause the most pain because of the nature of the love, expectations, trust and vulnerability in the relationship.

You're focusing on the difficulty you have listening to specific people eat, but that's just a symptom of your murderous rage towards them. I'm using "murderous rage" on purpose here. A part of you is/was so very angry with them you want(ed) them not to exist, to cease to be. You might not be aware of that part of you. You might very strongly deny it's there, but it is there. Therapy would be very useful to get in touch with this and feel comfortable expressing your anger about whatever day to day issues you have with the people in your life, rather than pushing these feelings away and believing that their sounds of life make you angry

I suffer with this terribly OP and know how you feel. It makes me fucking murderous. Here are some of my triggers:

Apples
Crisps
Sniffing
Rustling bags or wrappers
Popping chewing gum
Raw whole carrots (can't believe people do this anyway)
Tea slurpers
Slamming doors or windows
Whistling
Whispering
Barking dogs
Screaming kids
Banging the computer mouse instead of sliding it

Oddly enough I watched a video recently of a rabbit eating something very loudly and I just found it cute. If it was a human I would have slammed my phone at the wall and felt extremely upset for ages.

No advice other than earbuds are a life saver. Also just try and be honest about it and leave the room when you have to. It's not your fault, although it has affected my personality and tolerance levels enormously.

Bloody hell. Do you live alone?