Just a rant: I absolutely fucking HATE weekends!

[canihavecanihave]

First thing on Saturday is my low point: all weekend yawning before me.

I feel like the whole two days are just an exhausting merry go round of trying to do stuff to fill time and entertain the kids (both under 5 so hopeful this may get better) to stop them arguing and destroying the house.

I know some people will say just to chill at home but if we ever try to do this it is so so stressful, they argue and make a mess everywhere.

Ugh.

Also maybe I’m a mean mum but the ice thing, and then another PP saying her DC loves hair, undoes her buns and strokes it…I’ve just never let them do things I really didn’t want them to. Ever. And my youngest was (is) a huge tantrummer.

I was going to suggest this. Make a list if the things they’ll do and refer to that on a Saturday morning do you don’t have to think.

This too shall pass op, this too shall pass.

I could have written this. DS has just graduated with first class honoirs from Oxbridge currently on a 200km hike....perhaps not surprising he was hard work aged 2....

I get that but then you have a child screaming it’s head off in a restaurant or somewhere that’s supposed to be relaxing for other people and I do have to think about them. So saying ‘I just wouldn’t allow it’ does put the blame on me and I don’t think I’ve really done anything wrong in trying to keep things peaceful. I mean - I could just say I wouldn’t allow my eight and eleven year olds to fight, sometimes kids do what kids do. She’s sat very peacefully watching her brother now so she isn’t a bad child or anything, at the time she wasn’t even quite two.

OP I don'r want to pile on you really are in the thick of it, but these behaviours ( putting fingers in your drink, climbing all over you pulling your hair) they don't just happen when out do they ? Consistency is key, for example I don't play rough, I never did so they never tried to wrestle with me or climb on me- I simply didn't allow it either at home, at the park or anywhere else, also balls in the house just 100% no. I think sticking your fingers into somebody else's food or drink is up there for me in the " never" box at 12m, 15m 18m it doesn't matter.

Shall I just accept my shit parenting is the reason weekends are currently hard work and leave it, as I do feel the thread is becoming more critical than helpful now.

And actually that comment has really annoyed me with its smug little rhetorical question. It has literally nothing to do with you; you were where I was around twenty years ago, not only is that a long time but it was also a different world in many ways.

I am a good parent. I work extremely hard at structuring the days and cooking them healthy meals and making sure they aren’t on screens (and I'm sure some ‘helpful’ poster will come on to tell me to lower my standards - please don’t bother) but you know, toddlers have tantrums, saying you won’t allow it doesn’t actually stop it. Like everyone I have to decide which battles I’m going to pick. So I DON’T lie in bed with them asleep because I know I wouldn’t be able to sleep because they’d be kicking me in the head and that’s wrong. Thirteen whole months ago I tolerated my drink being ruined because the alternative was shrieking in a restaurant. And I don’t appreciate harmless anecdotes which were part a conversation with another poster being used to critique my parenting. I know yours is perfect. We get it.

We are going to the park and will then “pop in” to see MIL so I can drink coffee in peace. Been up since the crack of dawn, it’s so exhausting. Love my child dearly but I feel permanently sleep deprived these days! Sending solidarity OP 💐☕

I’m with you, we had three wakeups last night which is unusual to be fair but still. And still up at 6!

I don’t let 11 and 8 year olds fight, hence my post about the constant refereeing.

I also don’t let DC kick off in restaurants, if letting them take ice from my drink was an isolated (ha, pun not intended) time and it was literally the only thing that would stop them kicking off then yes I would’ve let them in a crowded restaurant. But then what’s next that I have to allow them to do “just because they’d kick off”?!

My eldest has ADHD and my youngest has always been VERY emotional, he almost had a big crying tantrum in Nando’s last week because the ice cream machine was broken and he’d been excited about ice cream. DH and I managed to soothe and distract him but had he kicked off loudly we would have had to move outside or the loos while he calmed down. Shit happens.

I wonder why it is any post about toddlers always attracts posters long past that stage still convinced we’re doing it wrong and if we just didn’t tolerate it our two and three year olds would behave like eight and nine year olds?

People are just trying to help. Your child needs to understand the word No! No you can't put your fingers in my drink to fish out the ice. If she kicks off, take her out of the restaurant.

If you want to chill for a while at home after they've had fresh air and exercise. Tell them to do some colouring whilst you have a rest. If they pester you, tell them No!

It's not that some of us are acting superior, we just get that setting boundaries and expectations is good for young kids and you.

I'm long past toddler stage with DD but was an Early Years Teacher for decades. You just seem to want replies that say "yes it's grim - bring on wine o'clock."

My post wasn’t actually about that. My words were “maybe I’m a mean mum but I never allowed xyz.” Perhaps if you didn’t, you might not hate the weekends so much. It was lockdown when my DC were 2x under 5 so every day was a weekend for us. Oh but with trying to work full time as well!

Exactly. And my own post was actually not “superior” - I said maybe it makes me mean that I didn’t allow xyz. Genuinely. I have friends who still lie to sleep with their DC which I never did, but there will be a pause in the back of my mind thinking, shit, should I have?! Although I never would have survived had that been the case though!

Sunday is the worst day of the week. Hate it.

Swimming lessons at 10am on Saturday saved me when mine were this age. We were all shattered afterwards and had a nice quiet afternoon! Sunday am was a walk in the woods and another good nap. I took the path of excerising little children rather than entertaining them.

you were where I was around twenty years ago, not only is that a long time but it was also a different world in many ways

How?

Solidarity to the OP. I have 2 and 4 year olds and I go through phases where I feel incredibly run down by them, other times I really enjoy them and find them hilarious and cute. Some days can be lovely when everyone is in a nice mood and we can have a fun trip out and come back happy. Other days both of them can decide to be grumpy or contrary or cantankerous and the whole thing seems like an uphill battle, everyone miserable, and I'll come home saying to my husband I am NEVER doing a day trip with them again!

I hate the park too. It's fine with one child. With 2 it just doesn't work. I have to follow the 2 year old round so she doesn't kill herself. Meanwhile the 4 year old is shouting at me to push her on the swing, help her on the zipwire, get her down from a high place she's climbed to. Always ends in tears.

2 year old behaviour is wild. My first child was so tantrumy at this age and I was pregnant at the time so I went through a long phase feeling like I just didn't understand this child at all and that she don't like me. The second one is slightly more laid back but she absolutely loses it if you say "no" to her, so I really have to pick your battles. I can understand the ice thing completely! My one does a skin scratching thing which I find absolutely horrendous,.it's usually the skin on my neck or inner wrist where it's really sensitive and she scratches it as a comfort thing, the overstimulation makes me feel sick. Sometimes I let her do it for a while but I've started saying no and pulling her hand away and it causes big tears and dramatic throwing herself backwards in anger.

I'd say as time goes on though they are becoming more self sufficient and can play better alone, and a lot of it is phases of needy behaviour for different reasons (teething, starting school). At the weekend I pop to the gym in the morning to get a break and in return I take them out regularly so my husband can have a couple of hours quiet!

It's a hard season. Being out was the answer for us. But it's still hard work, even for the ones who love it and like me were out all the time because it's easier than being at home. I had 3 under 4 and I was out on my mat leave alone rather than being at home. I look back and think I probably was quite unwell 🤣
It also comes in waves. But most things can be resolved by mindset. Having little kids is hard. Not just, oh bad day but like deep in your bones hard.
So don't feel bad for finding it hard. It's a station on the journey, it's not the home address.
Long lazy weekends will come around again. Can you ask for some help or find a babysitter who could do an early shift for you every so often to let you feel a bit more human and not so pressured?

I can see PPS saying weird stuff and being the perfect parents in replies. Don't let it in. Not everyone loves it, not everyone enjoys this stage. I'm sure lots of people feel validated by your post.

And I'm sure you're a great mum and you do loads of fun things with them. It doesn't mean you can't find it hard. Good luck, it truly does get easier every day.

I'm the same. See also playdates and extended family members at a weekend. So many people are all "family only" at a weekend. NOT HERE. I rejoice at any party invitation, play date invite and seeing the in-laws. All which keep the kids entertained foe a few hours and stop them wrecking the house!

Erm

Tony Blair; sure start, Child Trust Fund Scheme, Healthy Start, house prices still roughly under control, Brexit hadn’t happened, cost of living hadn’t happened, Covid hadn’t happened. Child benefit was for everyone irrespective of their income, family size was 1.8 apparently (it is now 1.4) social media was in its embryonic stages, smartphones weren’t really a thing (the first iPhone was yet to be invented) and we were all about the Scissor Sisters

Thanks all. Sorry for being snappy but there’s nothing quite like giving 100% and still according to some getting it all wrong to rub you up the wrong way! There are lovely moments, it’s just sometimes when I think about the entire weekend in one big chunk like that it’s quite daunting!

OP, I remember this stage (over a decade ago for me) and I remember feeling so anxious that I could never actually RELAX in my own home. Never a moment to just flop about and read or watch a film or chat or do little jobs. The always having to be so god damn organised on any given day of the week - because if we weren’t out the door and exercising by 10am the kids would be demented demons. Home was no longer a sanctuary for me and I really struggled with that element of parenting young children.

Tony Blair; sure start, Child Trust Fund Scheme, Healthy Start, house prices still roughly under control, Brexit hadn’t happened, cost of living hadn’t happened, Covid hadn’t happened. Child benefit was for everyone irrespective of their income, family size was 1.8 apparently (it is now 1.4) social media was in its embryonic stages, smartphones weren’t really a thing (the first iPhone was yet to be invented) and we were all about the Scissor Sisters

Tony Blair left office when my DD was 3 and shortly afterwards the UK commenced 14 years of Tory government. And a huge, global financial crash and years of austerity.

But none of that is relevant to weekends with young children. Children need love and boundaries. That doesn't change.

@likeafishneedsabike thats exactly what it’s like! It will change; it’s already changing bit … yes!

@DeeferDogg tbh I wasn’t really wanting a debate on the rights and wrongs of things, I know some things twenty years ago were much more challenging. But in fairness you did ask what was different and the short answer is ‘a lot.’ Even if we only said ‘social media’ that would account for an awful lot. I didn’t mean to be as snappy and biting as I was but it is frustrating being told by people who did this twenty years ago how much better at it they did it than me, when I know I’m giving it my all and most of the time as doubt a good job. But no amount of brilliant parenting will make a two year old behave like a six year old, and some stages are just grit your teeth and get the hell through it!

but it is frustrating being told by people who did this twenty years ago how much better at it they did it than me

No one has said that. Just trying to help but - on the bright side- the weekend is over!