Will I get in trouble with the school?

[wanderingtopographer]

DS13 has been ill this week with a bad cold and has had 4 days absence. Nothing serious enough for the GP but in bed for the duration with Calpol and feeling generally unwell - I've also caught it and am feeling rubbish so it's clearly contagious. I have called the school every morning to keep them updated. For what it's worth, He performs very well academically and his behaviour at school is excellent so there are no other causes for concern.

I was on the sofa in my PJs when there was a knock on the door and two people from the attendance team were on the doorstep to do what they called a welfare check. I told them what i had said before - he's tucked up poorly in bed. They then asked if he could come down or put his head out of the window!

I was quite taken aback, as well as being slightly out of it, and said that no, he is poorly in bed, I am his mum and that feels like a big overstep on their part. I didn't raise my voice and said it politely but it feels absolutely wrong to have him forced to present himself as proof when he is feeling ill and not even dressed. We have never had any issues with the school that I think could warrant them disbelieving me or being otherwise concerned about his welfare - he is a nice, happy, well adjusted kid who happens to have a stinking cold!

They didn't push the matter and went away, but am now worried that it will be a mark against my name or they will raise it in school. Does anyone know if they will take this further?

How can she distinguish unless she’s tested for either? Flu and covid can both range from asymptomatic to lethal!

In terms of something being in his best interests, he would need to benefit in order to balance the negative impact of disturbed sleep and recovery. (Not to mention just the off feeling of being made to get up to wave at people when he's sick. It's not just OP who would probably find this intrusive).

The school is doing its job and it's annoying. But children fall through the cracks so we should all grit our teeth and co-operate, just as we do when we go through security in airports.

Who said he was asleep ? He could have been up there on his iPad / gaming system. OP didn’t get him to show himself because she was affronted not because he was too ill to move.

Oh, give over. He’s four days into a cold, hardly at death’s door.

They are not targeting ur son, this woukd be the same for anyone. It's their responsibility to check- safeguarding issue. They were only asking for him to show his face to show he is okish

If I was a welfare officer, I would be a little concerned by a healthy 13 year old spending 4 days in bed with a cold. Isn’t that a bit excessive?

Particularly if after 4 days he was still so ill that he would be negatively impacted by sticking his head out the door for 30 seconds.

Its a safeguarding thing, don't take it personally. Their obligated to pay these visits and honestly they probably hate them as much as parents do!
Put it out of your mind and rest up.

Safeguarding is important but so is balance. If this were a child with previous school problems - poor attendance, low attainment, bad behaviour in class, arriving at school unfed and scruffy then a visit might have made sense. But wasting resources in this situation is not sensible, unless of course there are things that the OP is not saying.

I feel the same about health visitors who plague the lives of stable well-functioning families whose babies are thriving, leaving insufficient resources for families where real problems abound.

He could have been (if he has that in his room) but to find out, OP would have had to disturb him.

I wouldn't get my DC to show themselves in that situation even if I knew they were awake because I don't think teaching them it's normal for people you don't know well and aren't good friends with to rock up and ask you to wave at them when you're in your PJs is a good life lesson. I'd have a boundary around that and I'm pretty sure they'd be mortified too.

This seems naive to me. If you say "we have freedom, unless there is a safeguarding issue" then authorities will just find a way to tie whatever it is they wanted to do to safeguarding. Rights need to be defended extremely vigorously.

No one said he was at deaths door. But being disturbed when you're recovering is unpleasent even when you're not.

And yet you’re probably one of those who moan when a child dies or is abused and no one checked on them. You aren’t superior because you wouldn’t get your child to poke their head out the window you just sound like a massive twat

Who are these health visitors, who plague the lives of people who don’t need their input?

It would prove they were there, they were alive and they didn't have a black eye and a split lip, for a start. And that they weren't unattended or you were off your tits on smack.

If they then don't get an answer, that's a reason to refer on for a welfare check, as it's not an efficient use of resources to send the Police for nothing.

I think creating common knowledge that this kind of intrusion is disliked is an important part of fighting this, unless you're suggesting physically assaulting council workers.

It would prove they were there, they were alive and they didn't have a black eye and a split lip, for a start. And that they weren't unattended or you were off your tits on smack.

If they then don't get an answer, that's a reason to refer on for a welfare check, as it's not an efficient use of resources to send the Police for nothing.

Nice to see someone on here with some bloody common sense!

Both DD and DS' schools have a policy where if the child is off for more than 3 days they have to either do a video call or a visit. It doesn't mean they have prior concerns.

Wow this thread has blown up.

You are welcome to your opinions on whether he is really that sick or if there is more to this situation, as I am welcome to feel that I know what is best for my own child, but ultimately, we are all strangers on the internet, eh?

I've had a nap and feel less anxious about what was essentially a polite exchange followed up by a similarly polite email.

Thank you, and good night!

(flounces wheezily)