Engagement ring question

[NotAllSunFlowers]

I'm sure there will be people on both sides of this..
myself and long term partner have decided to get married. No big proposal, a grown up discussion & a decision that it's what we want before we start to lose parents etc.

Been together a long time, house & kids etc. (both on the house deeds, incase that comes up).

So my question.. I don't often wear rings. I do want an engagement ring. But I can't imagine spending a huge amount ££££+. Other half has told me to pick, he wants me to love it and cherish it.

Will I regret spending a smaller amount? Will that mean the quality isn't as good? Will a cheaper ring not last? Also, I love the idea of a coloured stone like a sapphire.

I don't want to go cheap and regret it. But also feel if I spend a huge amount, I'll be shared to wear it. I've seen lots of line of people wearing a cheap replica, but I don't get the point in that.

for reference, we will be having a low key wedding. We really can't imagine spending a fortune on one day.
Thank you

If you are going to wear something every day you should love it. Try a few on and see what you like.

that said, a friend of mine was in the same position and instead of an engagement ring, she got a wedding ring with diamonds in it.

My engagement ring is a small solitaire diamond, less than quarter of a carat on a thin band. I don’t wear any jewellery really so I didn’t want anything that was going to annoy me and it’s worked as a plan because I’ve had in on ever since I got engaged in 1999. Lots of my friends only wear their wedding rings. Back in the 00s big rings did seem to be more fashionable.

What's your style, What's your ideal budget, do you have a material preference?

I wear a lot of silver. It's cheaper, often more style variety and so long as you wear it rather than storing it so it tarnishes looks fantastic and lasts for years. Gemstones are always cheaper than diamonds.

You’ve had a grown up discussion!? Why specifically say that? I’m not picking on your words it just seems odd. Do you spend a lot of time with preschool kids?
or are you actually not keen?

Or perhaps he had to be talked into it “grown up” style ?

Dh and I purchased mine together we went through 13 shops and found nothing decided on an early dinner when we saw a 14th jewellery shop and stopped. There was a sapphire and diamond Ring in the window. It was 2nd hand fit me and cost £250.00

Its been on my hand for 37 years next month. I often get compliments on it and still think it is a beautiful ring.

Friends were having thousands spent on their rings but I have never regretted the choice of mine. I do love it and its very "me".

I find your comment a bit odd. I wanted to give the whole story. Basically he didn't get down on one knee. He has brought a ring. But I'd still like one, so I'm picking.

I said it so someone didn't question why.

Unless you give a budget how are people meant to answer? Some people consider £200 a cheap ring, to others £5000 is cheap. How much are you actually thinking of spending?

@NotAllSunFlowershave you started trying on rings yet? That would be my advice as a starting point! it’s hard to answer these questions you mention before doing that. You need to get a sense of not only what style you like but how it looks on your particular hand. Jewellery and rings in particular can look really different on different hands.

Once you’ve decided that starting point you can work around that depending on how much you spend. There’s no need to buy new if you don’t want. Antique rings can be lovely and there’s a large premium attached to new. Some people prefer them as being more ethical etc.

I hear you on not wanting a replica. With a replica often the giveaway is in the setting. I do know women with smaller real stones that look lovely

Start on deciding a style and then take it from there 💫

Any thoughts on what stone you might like?

Depends what amount you’re thinking of? I have a diamond and emerald engagement ring in 18ct gold. I had it appraised for insurance purposes as 3k but we only paid 1.2k as it was second hand. Second hand is definitely the way forward if you want to pay less

I think engagement rings are a scam. Your engagement lasts what, maximum a year or two? Your marriage is meant to last for the rest of your life. I do like the idea of a ring to symbolise your commitment, so why not concentrate on the wedding ring, as the wedding is the bigger deal!

I had a lovely wedding ring with a (very!) small diamond inset flush to the surface. So I kind of combined the two rings into one. Also because who wants the faff of wearing two rings next to each other!

My engagement ring came from a pawn brokers, I loved it even before I met my now husband. I would gaze at it every time I went past the window. It was meant to be because it was still there 18 months later after we met and got engaged. Still love it after over 30 years married.

I’ve been married 20 years! So, I’ve had an engagement ring on my finger for 23 years so far. I have it on every day. I love it, it’s small but sparkly and it cost £254 to match the £50 wedding ring and £230 Eternity ring. It’s not about it being cheap, it’s about what it signifies. It’s not that we couldn’t have spent a lot more on my ‘rings’ but I’d rather spend more on the marriage!

My engagement ring was £1300 from Beaverbrooks. It’s a sapphire with diamonds around it and diamond shoulders on the band. I think that was on the cheaper side for a ring, but I love it and have never seen anyone else with the same/a similar ring.

I’d set a rough budget in mind and then go and try a few on. My wedding ring was £500, so also on the cheaper side!

All the OP means is that there isn't going to be a proposal with a ring and it feels like a big grown up discussion because it's a major life decision. Have you got an opinion on rings?

Mine is a flat set (rubover) trilogy I've had it 26 years and wear it every day because I love it and chose it. It doesn't catch on anything and I prefer it to solitaires. I'd definitely go for a flat setting. I can't see how wearing two ring if any more faff than one even if you do take them off and on (I only do occasionally). Also while the engagement is short, most people do wear them after they marry, I can't think of any women I know who only wear their wedding ring most wear both. Howvever if you want to keep it simple a wedding ring with stones can look lovely, you could choose silver if cost is a concern

https://www.thediamondstore.co.uk/products/sapphire-2-25-x-2-25mm-and-diamond-925-sterling-silver-ring

https://www.thediamondstore.co.uk/products/sapphire-2-25-x-2-25mm-and-diamond-925-sterling-silver-ring

I did the same. My wedding band is a white gold eternity ring style with notches between the diamonds. It's beautiful and also doesn't get caught on things.

I’d suggest vintage for something interesting and cheaper. I have an amazing right hand ring (20s) and it cost I think £1700? It’s white gold and sapphire. They had cheaper and more expensive rings but it was just so pretty.

I agree with PPs that if you’re not a ring wearer, something flat is a good idea, regardless of budget. I don’t actually have an engagement ring, but the ring I wear every day of my life is a flat, heavy silver one that DH bought me in Florence about twenty years ago. I adore it.

Came on to say this- pre loved/second hand whatever thats the way forward. I was having a nosey at some second hand rings yesterday and seen a gorgeous yellow gold square diamond around 0.5 ct for £500- brilliant price

I got my eternity ring second hand- £300 sapphire and diamond 18ct yellow gold. Had it resized to fit no issues!

I would suggest looking at vintage or antique rings, you might fall in love with something and they are generally better value than new rings.

If you want something new, lab diamonds are both cheaper and more ethical than mined diamonds.

I don't know about others but after I got married, I stopped wearing my engagement ring every day and it's now a ring I wear occasionally. I am a daily ring wearer, though, and I like to change my rings to suit my mood, the occasion and what I am wearing. I probably wear it once every couple of weeks.

We decided to get married. We went to the nice jewellers in town and chose platinum weddings rings. Mine has diamonds in it. I never had an engagement ring but DH did buy me a plain platinum band a few years after our wedding which I wear on my ring finger. The rest of my jewellery is silver so it looks nice but I know it’s more expensive.

My DP wanted me to choose so actually proposed with a cheap silver (fake diamond one) as he wanted to make sure I loved the real one. However the story of that and the emotion of it being from him means that not only do I wear the proper one, but I still wear the fake one as it has a sweet meaning. So whatever you choose you will love because of its meaning and doesn’t need to cost the earth x

I’m a bit of this view.

DH would have got me whatever I wanted and we did go and look and we looked and looked. I didn’t see anything I liked, never mind one that I really loved. I really dislike the thought that my worth or our relationship is based on how much or little or how big or small a ring is or how much was spent.

DH and I got matching bands they are silver and gold (two metals) and quite thick I got a K and he got a Y. Both got the same engraving inside. Funnily enough we passed a nice jewellery shop last weekend and I said to DH nope - none of them. He is unique and our marriage is unique and I don’t need a flash ring to tell me that. I also have a problem with mining, ethics of it and companies deliberately withholding diamonds to make the price higher.

Mine is art deco too. I love it :)

@TofuTuesday @TheBirdintheCave I love my vintage and antique rings.

@NotAllSunFlowers I’m happy to recommend going somewhere with a good jewellery quarter and going in and out of the shops. Always ask if they have anything tucked away not on display.

Gold and platinum is very expensive at the moment, but if you want your ring to last a lifetime do not buy silver. If it were me I would buy secondhand. Then, if it needs it, take it to an independent jeweller to polish and service it. If you buy secondhand look carefully for chips and scratches in the gemstones - even diamonds can break.