She’s leaving today

[slippingthroughmyfingers1]

My daughter is leaving today. She graduated from university this summer and has found a great graduate position and is moving 2 hours away for it. She has worked so hard, done everything she needed to and she is so so excited about her future.

I’m so incredibly proud of her and the woman she has become and I know that this is the natural order of things, we raise them so they can go and live their own lives but I’m also just so sad this morning knowing that she will never “live” here again. She will come for visits and we will visit her but it won’t be the same. I thought her leaving for uni was hard but this is just more final than that was.

I wouldn’t change a thing, she needs to go and live her life and I’m so excited for her to do that but also just incredibly sad this morning.

We have still got her younger brother and sister at home so the house won’t be empty by any means but it still really hard and I don’t know where all that time went!

I totally get it OP. Of course you are proud of and happy for your daughter but it's one of those "end of an era" moments where you realise that phase of time with your child is over and those days won't come again. Like leaving school, going to uni and now moving again or a grad job but without the long uni holidays (yikes!) And of course you'll miss her.

My son graduated this summer too and was due to do a masters abroad with a linked job to follow but that has fallen through for more than one reason and he's madly applying for grad schemes. While it's really lovely to unexpectedly have him home for longer than we expected, both he and we are a bit anxious about what the future holds. There's no perfect situation and I'm sure once he does get something and move (he's still keen to work abroad) it will feel like a real wrench even though I'll also be delighted for him.

She's done so well. The grad job market is a real challenge at the moment and you as parents have done well supporting her education and character development to get her to launch into the world.

Sorry that very long quote thread confuddled my poor tired brain and frankly now I cba to go back and check

Hahaha no I get it!

Bittersweet poignancy.

Well done, your Dd!

Bumping this lovely post. Bittersweet indeed. And it is a shift not having our children living at home but becoming independent adults.

Good luck with the coming weeks and months. Something to listen to this morning

When someone says they are not being "unkind" it usually means the opposite. What is the point of YOUR post?
OP just wants to say how proud she is and feels a bit sad that she wont see as much of her. Quite simple really!!

It’s a big day. Totally get it. But you must be very proud

Congratulations!!! My oldest is off to University in September. He has ASD and is off to study Economics. I'm so happy for him, but yet wary and sad. I'll miss him so much...but my food bill will halve!!

Awwwww OP I totally get where you’re coming from.
My dd wasn’t moving far from home- about 20 mins but I can remember how devastated I felt at the time.
She used to come and sit on my bed at night and talk and talk. At the time I used to think ahhh go to bed, but when she’d gone I really missed it.
She was buying a new build and would excitedly message me and tell me how it was coming on. I remember being very enthusiastic to her but crying inside.
That was 4 years ago now and I’m used to it, but she texts and FaceTimes me all the time. DH says we speak more now than we did when she lived at home.

Give yourself some time to ‘grieve’ her leaving. You must be so proud of her xx

She may well bounce back! My siblings and I all went back to live at home for up to 6 months when we were between jobs, selling houses, about to go travelling.

My Dad loved to moan about it but secretly enjoyed having us. And control over our washing (as no one else was allowed to use his washing machine!!). At the time it was deeply irritating but now I think of it with great affection (and no one else ever got a down jacket to come out looking so good).

I have reported my message and asked for it to be removed

I get it OP, it's bittersweet but it's an adjustment. My older son lives a couple of hours away and will more than likely emigrate to Germany in the next year or two. My younger son lives in Australia and I haven't seen him in nearly two years.

WhatsApp is great for keeping in contact. Think of the positives - a job well done rearing her, smaller food bill, a bit more free time for yourself.

Well, that will make the thread a bit confusing, but glad you have reflected on it.

I hear you, there are many steps in them becoming independent but this is a significant one. I remember my mother telling me that as she waved me off to a university interview she realised I would not be permanently back. I found leaving my youngest at university halls hard. By the time I left her at her first job at the other end of the country I was able to appreciate that there were advantages as well as disadvantages.

I was with a friend, going through the same. Very sad, but very happy.
She was going over her daughter not having time for family holidays ‘because she will want to go on holiday with her friends or her boyfriend’.

Hoping to make you smile at the mixed emotions @slippingthroughmyfingers1 by sharing that she made me laugh when she said
‘I know she has landed the corporate job of her dreams, in London, earning great money…but I want, and have suggested, that she becomes a teacher so that I can see more of her’. 😊

Congratulations to her! A bit of advice from someone who is further on, don’t be surprised if she gets a bit homesick, just really be excited about her opportunity, conversely don’t be surprised if calls drop off if life is exciting … can go either way. All ours are gone and life is quiet, different but great. Takes getting used to though, I still cook too much!

Oh and my DD’s think it’s hilarious how I now have a social life, they call me and we’re in the pub watching a band or at a rally

My only child is in his 20s has severe learning difficulties, I will not see him leaving home or becoming independent.

This looks as if it is going to be a 'how dare you complain, count your blessings' hectoring post doesn't it? Well it isn't, or at least not in the way one might expect. The fact is that this is a happy and time for you & DD, and there is nothing sad about it. But even happiness has its shadow side. Your DD is a fully independent adult and the old parent/child relationship you had with her is gone forever.

You can't make the sad feelings go away by themselves....but if I were you I wouldn't dwell on them for long. You can just let them unfurl themselves at a distance, and focus on the happiness you feel and the bright future your DD has ahead.

I am terrible for this. Mine have just finished school. and finished the youth teams etc they were in. I have found it very hard and I am not at all good at thinking " New beginnings". I know its unreasonable and i keep it to myself. But I have felt a bit sad about it all.

Completely understand, and I'm not going to minimise or jolly you out of it. You've already got self awareness and the perspective to see it's the right thing for her. But that doesn't mean it's not a big change for you in a way it's hard to see the positives of personally. So it's fine to be sad and sit with that. Healthier than trying to shame yourself out of it.
The positive side is that you will adjust and your new relationship will become normal. You too will 'move on' to an acceptance of a different way of being her mum, that will bring you a different type of joy and give you much to look forward to.

It's a completely different feeling from the start of University isn't it. I was excited with my DD when she started University but cried a lot (in private) when she left home to start work.

It was different with my son and my younger daughter because they both got married while still in University so that was a whole different set of emotions!

As much as I love my children and they are welcome to live here any time they want to, I was really happy when my eldest left home (younger still at uni). He’s got a job about an hour away and lives with his gf (both 23) and I couldn’t be happier. Youngest says he doesn’t intend on returning to live at home after graduation if he can help it (no work in his industry here) and I was really happy to hear it. I love living with them but I love their independence more.

You’ll adapt really quickly especially if you see how happy she is ❤️

Oh OP I know how you feel. Ds1 left in 2021. He was older than your dd and I’d helped him to buy his first home. I cried and cried. Couldn’t bear the thought of him going. He’s such a lovely calming influence and I always feel braver when I’m with him. The move changed his life. He now has a lovely partner and two babies. Try to be excited for your daughter’s new chapter; it could be life-changing x

Mine are still small but I feel this a lot. I went to buy a cardigan for our daughter the other day and DH pointed out she's really too old for that kind of style anymore.

My mum made my childhood very difficult by keeping me too young so I'm very wary of doing the same.

But the bunny on the cardi... 😭

It’s a bittersweet moment, isn’t it? You know you should feel proud - of both yourself as a parent and your child - but they are still your ‘child’ and two decades of raising her, worrying about her, loving her and all that entails doesn’t evaporate now she’s an independent adult. Sending a hug as I am both longing for and dreading this day too.