She’s leaving today

[slippingthroughmyfingers1]

My daughter is leaving today. She graduated from university this summer and has found a great graduate position and is moving 2 hours away for it. She has worked so hard, done everything she needed to and she is so so excited about her future.

I’m so incredibly proud of her and the woman she has become and I know that this is the natural order of things, we raise them so they can go and live their own lives but I’m also just so sad this morning knowing that she will never “live” here again. She will come for visits and we will visit her but it won’t be the same. I thought her leaving for uni was hard but this is just more final than that was.

I wouldn’t change a thing, she needs to go and live her life and I’m so excited for her to do that but also just incredibly sad this morning.

We have still got her younger brother and sister at home so the house won’t be empty by any means but it still really hard and I don’t know where all that time went!

I think you totally misunderstood my point.

Mine never came home after graduation (apart from visits obviously), as she had found a job and met a man (they're now married). Deep down I knew she was never going to live at home again as she grew up the village I'm still living in and it was no match for the city life she fell in love with. It dawned on me just the other evening that she has spent more years living away than she did living at home which made me kind of sad.

Don't assume your daughter isn't a bit sad underneath. If she's anything like I was, it was happy to go, sad to leave. Your home will always be a place that stays close to her heart.

Then by all means clarify. As the way it read to me was a "everything is fine to say because it's just a chat site so you can be rude, unkind if you feel like it. It's not real..."

Today is the worst day OP. It will gradually become easier being a household of four, and meeting up with DD will be more joyful because of the gaps. And seeing her life unfold will be endlessly fascinating. Just get through one day at a time until things settle.

It's ok to feel sad! Especially the first child. Change it, when you get home tonight after taking her things and dropping her off, open a bottle and make a personal quiet toast to her, wishing her luck with her job and adventures going forward, and the wine to make you smile and to take the edge off!

I can remember when I finally left home, the youngest of 4 and the last to go - my parents were so happy! Then they sold up and moved a 150 miles away from us all 😂

This is why the word bittersweet exists, for moments just like this.

Mothers are well adapted for change but there is something about this moment that feels final, not exactly a change (although it is of course a change!) But a shift.

I found having some plans really useful and viewing visits in 6-12 week windows for the first year. A visit no sooner than 6 weeks from the last and no later than 12 as general guide. Although birthdays and holidays and stuff may mean the general guide is out of the window!

Good luck to your dd. Hugs to you.

No. I replied to the woman being unpleasant saying jesus, it's a chat site. Fairly obviously saying the op doesn't even necessarily need a massive point given it is a chat site.

If I was saying it's ok to be unkind I would have replied to the posters chastising her saying the same thing.

Crikey. Calm down

I completely understand.

We spend two decades creating, helping, supporting our children into becoming adults and we want them to fly. But letting go of a person you love more than anything is hard.

I have a brother that has never been able to leave home, I am fully aware of how lucky I am that mine can- but it hurts.

I don't tell my children how much I miss them, but I have used MN as an anonymous outlet.

Op sending you a unmumsnetty hug.

It means the exact opposite I think, that it’s a chat site sp OP is perfectly fine to say she feels a bit sad about something.

Thank you. I thought it was fairly obvious given i was replying to the unpleasant comment but the desire to jump at people sometimes overrides people's reading comprehension.

My comment stand.

Also I understood you perfectly the first time. I just disagree with you.

Hurrah for you. Not everyone has such a limited suite of emotions though. Some of us are capable of feeling proud and sad and nostalgic all at the same time.

OP I think its out fate to always worry about them and miss them - its the price we pay for love. I think though that we do become accustomed to their absence and build our lives parallel to theirs rather than around them (my youngest is headed off to uni in a couple of weeks do Im thinking about this a lot atm).

Well done to both of you. I know you’ll miss her but will be so proud too.
Our eldest ended up living about 3 hours away for ten years when she went to uni. Lengthy study for her chosen career then a job up there. Met her husband at uni and he was from the area.
They lived in some lovely places including coastal. We had many happy holidays to visit her ( booking cottages) over the period she was away.Also met half way where we owned a caravan.
They did move back after she got a job near home again ( always called here home)
They aren’t together now and she literally lives round the corner! We see her all the time.
It will get easier.

It was very clear and obvious what you meant and that you were supporting the OP’s post, don’t worry.

Some people struggle to read correctly, it seems, and therefore decide to interpret it a different way!

Harsh! 2 things can exist at the same time. You can be happy for them leaving but also sad that it’s the end of an era. Of course you can feel both OP and most parents do!

I'm sorry I'm absolutely baffled about what on earth you're on about.

The poster who asked 'what is your point' was being an arse to the OP.

Is that clearer for you?

Thank you :-)

And then apparently double down and then once again a thread gets totally derailed.

I get you op I totally understand your feelings it’s a pit of the stomach feeling it’s immense happiness for your child yet a deep sadness too it’s like grief and your stomach is in knots and there’s a lump in your throat
Every parent feels it different but a lot feel just like you x

You really ya e got the wrong end of the stick.

Surely you should be berating the poster who said, “what’s the point of this” not the pp who called her out on it?

Weird.

DD moved a 15min bus ride away and I probably spent about a month crying. I’m still sad about it but oddly enough it also seems we’re getting along better when she comes around.

She stayed home for uni and it was clear that she was outgrowing living with family, she wanted to act like an early 20s young woman in her own set up when she was an early 20s young woman living in the family home. It wasn’t working - for both of us.

OP, you should be pleased and proud! You have brought up a capable, fully- functioning member of society - isn't that the whole point of being a parent?

I totally understand your feelings. Our daughter went to University 4 hours away from us and as we both worked full time in demanding jobs didn’t get to visit as often as I’d liked but kept in touch via FaceTime a lot. She then went off to Australia with her partner, is now back in the UK but again 4 hours drive away, luckily I’ve retired early and husband only works part time now so we visit often and it’s fantastic to see them so happy together and flourishing in their careers. I only last week started changing her bedroom around to a guest room and that made me upset even though she really left home 9 years ago.

It is but it's bittersweet!

Well…. Good for you 🤦‍♀️