Exactly this - and I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember, right from childhood and the horrible back to school feeling.
I know - first world problems. I know this and the guilt makes it worse TBH. I know that however bad it is here (weather, cost of living, politics, violence, crime, poverty etc etc) as a nation we are incredibly privileged. I am lucky - I have food every day, drinking water on tap, healthcare, a home, a bed to sleep in. I have things many others only dream about. I know I shouldn’t be sad, but I am.
A few scented candles, hot chocolate and cosy blankets won’t lift the sadness, as lovely as they sound. I even dislike the smell of Autumn. It’s an uphill struggle to spring when I feel alive again.
I’ll be getting a SAD light this year. I had one years ago and I think it helped. But yeah, that awful, unsettled, panicked feeling hits every year and it suffocates me. All we’ve got to look forward to is dark evenings, grey skies, rain, being cold….