My DM hasn't been on holiday for 12 years because she is worried about her house being left empty and unattended

[Mumholidayconcerns]

I'd like to ask for people's thoughts about this situation involving my DM. She is in her early 60s. She hasn't had a holiday abroad, or even a domestic break somewhere in the UK, for 12 years. The main reason she hasn't is that she is worried about her house being empty and unattended for a prolonged period of time - anything more than a couple of days basically. She doesn't have any close friends or relatives who live close enough to allow them to keep an eye on the house, or house sit for her, if she was to go abroad. I myself live around 80 miles away, so it just wouldn't be practical for me to travel there and back every day, which is what she seems to want.

I would assume that most people who go abroad on holiday, or are absent from their home for any other reason, have someone who can either stay in the house or at least keep an eye on things by visiting the house once a day or so while the owner or occupant (my DM in this case) is absent. As mentioned, my DM doesn't have anyone who is able to do this for her. She also doesn't speak to her neighbours, so she wouldn't feel comfortable asking them. Her house is flanked by two other houses on each side, and backs on to another house at the rear. She's had some difficulties with the neighbours on one side, has barely spoken to the neighbours on the other side, and only speaks to the neighbour in the remaining house once in a blue moon. I'm not quite sure what the solution is. I feel sorry for her as I think she could use a break. What would you suggest?

I assume she's just decided on her priorities - fear of property damage/burglary over the short term pleasure of a holiday. That's reasonable, although not the route I would choose. If she's not happy with the situation though, she could look into using a property guardian (https://www.propertyguardianprotection.com/page/3-owners).

My mother had the same issue - lived in a bad area, several attempts to break into the house etc. I lived overseas and she used to have a single long holiday a year. She asked one of my friends from school if they'd stay, so they got free accommodation near their uni and she was less worried about an empty property.

We just lock up and go. Maybe if we are gone for longer than a fortnight I’d ask someone to water the plants…

She’s probably quite happy not going away. Does she express any desire for a holiday? Or, is it just you who thinks she should go away?

i have Hue bulbs that I turn on and off at random times remotely. Also a sensor indoors near the door which turn on a light when triggered. Most burglars just don’t want to get caught. We don’t have anyone staying or visiting our house when we are on holiday.

Yes, now I’m recovered from my knee op I plan to look for somewhere in the UK that is dog friendly.

it is worrying if you live alone. you can get professional house sitters not just for people with animals it may be expensive if she is going away say for 2 weeks but maybe might help if she went for a long weekend in this country first? if the house is safe then maybe she would go next time without a sitter

Why are you so invested in this?

You also don’t seem to have read the OP at all.

I would assume that most people who go abroad on holiday, or are absent from their home for any other reason, have someone who can either stay in the house or at least keep an eye on things by visiting the house once a day or so while the owner or occupant (my DM in this case) is absent

why the need to assume anything @Mumholidayconcerns ? What do you do?

Get a ring doorbell with video camera connected to mobile phone, or a house security system like verisure. Set up lights to go on and off so house appears lived in.

thats really strange - we just lock the door and walk away

it's just a house and its just stuff and we have insurance

even if it did get broken into its not the end of the world.

Agree with others that most people don't have anybody come to check the house if it's just a week or two's holiday. Most people just lock up and go! There are plenty of security options she could get these days if she's worried - she can even view her home from her phone if she wants to. But it sounds to me as if the problem might run a little deeper.

Hi OP. I live alone and am planning for my future. I also come from a crime ridden hot-spot in another country. I'm actutely aware of crime in the home and pay to have security in my house regardless when I am home or abroad.

I have an alarm system in my house, and internal cameras separately.

Could you consider a "proper" alarm system like ADT? There is a monthly cost but imo, worth it for peace of mind.

OP,
where do you live in relation to your mum?
Can you look after her house for a time?

I replied to OP before reading the thread.

I appreciate the anxiety that a woman might have about the safety and security of her house. Especially if she lives alone. I'm mid 40s, live alone and that's top of mind for me.

Most home invasions in the UK have, historically, involved drugs & opportunistic crime, and little to no violent crime to the person, with very few exceptions.

As a starting point, I recommend a security system. In-house and external. It's great peace of mind. All controlled and visible on app

I'd also ground things in reality- if I'm abroad and someone broke into my house, its to find and sell things of value. Like a TV. The perps won't value my personal items and I'm not there. Its very rational that OP can explain to her DM.

Feel free to DM , OP! I think about my security alot coming from the 3rd world and happy to help.

Op why is it that you seem unclear? Have you never been on holiday and left your house empty?

Why do people start threads like these ans never come back to them?

No I don’t think people usually have someone go in every day unless pets? I’d never think to do that for 1-2 week holiday.

No I don’t think people usually have someone go in every day unless pets? I’d never think to do that for 1-2 week holiday.

This!
Some people don’t!
I do have a friend who is paranoid, and she does go away but has a stable of local people she can contact in a panic if the postman leaves the front gate open… (ring doorbell alert)

What do you do when you go away I am baffled

How is someone popping into your house once a day meant to prevent a burglary? Or even a ring camera that sends an alert to your iphone?

Just lock and go.

We go away for weeks and weeks at a time, we have curtains and lights on a timer and security cameras. Nothing else we can do!

Professional house-sitter?

@AmberFawnyou say your friend hates that she feels that way. That sounds like she is self aware and understands that it is an anxiety and not reasonable. Why in that case doesn't she just go away? She is suffering from anxiety either way but she can still choose what to do. I find it so hard to understand! Surely your friend goes to work or goes out. Would it help her to know her house is more likely to be burgled during the day?

Yes, wouldn't cross my mind to have someone go and look inside my house. It's not going to achieve anything.